I’m gonna toss out something I heard recently. Everyone has their own fate and their own destiny. Your fate is what is said to be wrote in stone. If you do nothing but just go through life doing the whole regular 9-5, this is where your game piece ends. It’s where your fated to be. Now destiny is your best life. It’s what your dreams are made of. If you take and act on your necessary actions in life to follow said dream you end up at your destiny. I found that idea interesting and wanted to share.
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On Those Things Outside of Control
I am of the belief that there are certain things you cannot control, by way of there is always something out there bigger and “badder” than you that could want something opposite of what your working is for. This is what I relate to my “boulder theory” mentioned in the On Magic and Effort thread.
Death, return of exes, job prospects… Boulders.
I have two examples where I ran into boulders, one I overcame and another–I’m suspecting I won’t.
The Baneful Boulder
A boulder I think I lifted
The first, a baneful working, which I was able to bust. Of course, Mysterious mentioned after the fact–as he tends to do, as if casually mentioning he forgot to purchase an item from a grocery list I gave him–that the curse/hex/baneful work was not the result of someone human, which led to a whole bunch of shit that I still can’t talk about without getting quite emotional. I did a working, including a candle ritual, to put a big ole “return to sender” on that bullshit, only for them to uno-reverse me.
It was a back and forth, but they wound up leaving K alone, so I chalk that up in the win column.
If I die and this stuff happens to be real (because one can never be 100% sure), I am going to go out of my way to find a table of similar structure and style, then I’m going to beat someone to death with it.
The “Right” Thing Boulder
A boulder I couldn't lift
For the record, K nor myself would be heartbroken if she cannot come here, but it is a great example of something I think I will not be able to win. Do I think that the person that I’m opposing is my boss, who already has their eye on someone–though less qualified–because they know them personally? Yes. Though, I feel weird being judgemental about it because I also proposed someone I personally know, I guess I just believe that because of how qualified K is, especially in comparison to the candidate they’re probably going to hire, they should at least interview her.
I am seeing now, though, that they likely created this position just for this guy and that they had K apply just for the sake of hiding that they did this. It makes me sad. I just don’t like when people use others, K or not.
I list this as a “fail” because I have charged the job jar I made with a candle every single day back-to-back except when I’m sleeping. I do suspect that my work will not get her the interview, and I do believe it’s related to this not being a part of the path that she’s supposed to follow.
Still sad the method we get here, but I feel somewhat better that at least there is a grander purpose. It has also led me to reconsider my opinions of my leaders, which I have rode the fence on for a long time. I’ve been caught between two frenemies–my current boss and their boss (who also used to be my boss). I trust neither of them now, though I’m not sure why the insurmountable evidence before now didn’t lead me to distrust sooner. (Let’s be honest–I keep holding out people will do the right thing. I need someone to give me some faith in humanity sometimes.)
Mysterious told me that he had some personal investment in K, and that he would see her current bad situation didn’t get too bad, but seemed to imply he didn’t think moving to my company was the best move for her. Also brought me some comfort. I thought about reaching out to one of my Goetia partners, but I don’t often try to go against Mysterious when he’s told me his stance on something. He hasn’t led me astray yet since becoming his “whole self,” so I’m feeling a lot more trusting these days.
We’ll continue to see how it plays out.
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Thankfulness and A Shock
I had an interesting experience last night. I refuse to say out loud Mysterious was right.
Me, having to admit that he was right:
"Did I see you last night?"
I was talking to Mysterious last night because I could sense him better. It was really pleasant, and often I would see small orbs of red-orange light floating around intermittently.
I asked him about a hobby or something, because I always felt like I did the talking when we were together. He said that he had something playing in the background that he was listening to.
“If you’re listening to it in the background, what are you doing?” I asked.
I was suddenly overwhelmed by a vision of a floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking a wide vision of forest trees. A yellow fog cascades down from the mountains over the tops of the trees.
There is a slow pan backwards. I see Mysterious sitting on a bench in a hallway, hands grasping the edge of the bench. Charles sits on the bench beside him, both staring out at the forest beyond the window.
I slid deep into the vision, and that’s the best way I can describe it. I felt myself being pulled into something and slightly panicked. I pushed out of the vision and leaned back–
…then the most peculiar thing happened.
I saw someone sitting on the footstool beside me, arm extended as if to touch my hair. I gasped, then screamed, nearly falling out of my chair. As soon as I saw them, they were gone, and the space they occupied seemed to contort and “swirl” back to normal (I have no way to describe it).
I laughed immediately, “Sorry, I always expect that something else is going to pop in an eat me.”
I immediately realized what happened, and went into over-analyze and apologize mode. The room felt awkward, uneasy. Mysterious disappeared only briefly, then returned.
“I can’t believe that I did that.” I smacked my forehead. “For the record, I would not be terrified if I saw you, I thought I saw a dog or something. It was just my eyes adjusting and I wasn’t expecting it!”
Silence.
You know that feeling you get when you’re somewhere you’re not supposed to be? That was the feeling. It was a creepy-crawly sensation, and the room felt heavy and weird. It was surreal and I can’t even muster the words to describe it.
“I wouldn’t be that way. Again.” I continued. I couldn’t shut up. “I just worry about blight and things like that. I mean–what if I go into a situation, think it’s you, then someone attacks me? Y’know.”
“Let’s just move on.”
We talked casually, but the whole thing was off now. I was completely embarrassed, consigning to maybe he was right–maybe I would be terrified if I saw him. Maybe I wasn’t so “chill.”
So lame.
I expected him to also say to me that “he knew I’d be like this” but he didn’t say anything. In fact, he became much less talkative.
“I guess I should go to bed.” I sighed.
He made some comment, snarky as usual. I can’t recall the exact statement now, but it alluded that something more than the trick of the eye happened. Dare I even say–he was surprised.
I got out of my chair and walked to the door. “I feel like something happened and you’re just not telling me.”
“Yes, but I am not in the headspace to deal with this right now.” He responded.
I went to bed, more than just annoyed with myself.
As I sat in bed, I realized that the arm was reaching out to touch me. It was then, in a conversation with K, that I realized–did I just see Mysterious?
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Just when I’m on the verge of disbelief…
I must’ve spoke to Mysterious like 9000 times yesterday, returning often to the feeling of inadequacy. He seemed to have moved on from it, but–in his way–loved to make it seem dramatic when he thought it bothered me enough. Ass.
I was up late last night, scrolling through YouTube mindlessly. I’ve tried all things in moderation, but I’ve noticed that if I avoid my escapism comforts, I wind up binging them by the time the weekend comes.
Confirmation
Mysterious enters the home, his energy feels slightly distant, until he realized I was tugging back. “Why are you still up?”
“I thought we were beefing, so I am not going to bed until we hash it out.”
“What? Why are you like this…? Are you always going to be this way?”
Without hesitation. “Yes.” o_o
He pauses, then asks: “What do you want to know?”
“Did I screw up?” I shrunk into my couch.
“No, you had a normal, human reaction to something foreign.” The energy was a bit playful now.
“Did I see something?”
“Yes, you likely saw me, but not with your actual eyes.”
“Wild.”
“And you were terrified.”
“NO. YOU DIDN’T WARN ME. I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS YOU WHEN IT HAPPENED.”
"[Saga], how could it be anyone else?"
We went back and forth about the options, including our “slav squatting” friend. It ended with a dismissive: “You’re so weird.”
Today, the timeline. 
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I originally wanted to post this WITH Buer on my Goetia post, but I realize that it’s probably better suited for here. I am a stickler on the posts.
The Haunted House
January 27, 2019, POV: Nautela
The [names] are names I’ve given the characters for the sake of brevity and clarity. Since we are close friends, their names never come up organically in conversations and I don’t recognize them.
Dream Contents
I stood in the academy with four others. We were on our way to an office, speaking about the equivalent of “Halloween” coming up. Outside, the season was clear: orange leaves, a golden glow to the atmosphere.
“Check it out.” A guy with red-orange hair [Tim] pulled six tickets out of his jeans pocket. “I got us tickets to the HOTTEST haunted house in town.”
“Eh. I’m good.” I shook my head.
“You’re seriously not going to go?” A brunette said to me. He was scruffier than the others, and wore work clothes. [Steve] “You never go ANYWHERE with us.”
“I know what I like and what I don’t like. That is something I won’t like.” I shook my head, folding my arms across my chest. “I’ve seen enough to know that there is nothing fun about being chased by one of those things through a house.”
I walk past them to go into the office, the other woman with them [Jen], and another man [Jake], continued to talk about the tickets.
Time winds forward, and I am convinced to go with them–despite my best judgement. We leave our dorm “house” that evening, but as we approach the front door, I see [what I now know is Buer] standing on the front step.
Buer wears a white, hockey-like mask on its face. Its eyes are red and face black beneath the mask.
We are chased into the depths of the dorm house. [Jake] is captured by Buer somewhere behind me, and I don’t see what happens to him. My other “friends” get out of the house, and I’m trapped inside. I run from the exit, hiding in the house after losing Buer somewhere downstairs.
I’m angry they left me behind, but push the feeling down to keep my heart still. I am hiding in a dark room somewhere upstairs. I thought I was safe, hidden behind a locked door beneath a desk, but I am pulled out by a creature in the dark. It doesn’t harm me, and instead allows me to exit the room in my terror, where I run into Buer again.
This time, though, I am able to get down the stairs and out the front door. I sprint across the grass to a party taking place on the lawn between several dorm houses, where [Nautela’s] sister, Amy, stands. I am panting and crying as I reach her. She stares at me in the way someone would look at another with disgust. She stops me from pushing past her, annoyed. “What is WRONG with you?!”
I continue to push past her, mumbling about how I need to get away from here. I venture further into the crowd, feeling like in the crowd I would be safe.
POV: Creature in the dark room
We are now sometime before Buer attacks the dorm house. I climb a drain pipe on the side of the house and peek in a window. As I am doing this, I grumble to myself about how they don’t put “enough fucking windows” on these dorms. I ascend the pipe until I see into the office from before.
[Jake] and [Jen] are having a moment next to the desk in the room before [Tim] and [Steve] enter. [Tim] talks about their next job, then how they’re surprised they could convince Nautela to join them in the haunted house. [Jen] pulls a booklet from the desk, and I feel a tinge of anxiety.
“We need to take this to Makyyrga.” [Jen] shows them the booklet. “I’m 100% sure that your boy and this dude are the same people.”
She has an ID booklet, and the photo on the booklet is Sam. I have to get that damn booklet. There is a flood of emotion: anger, frustration, disappointment. If these kids are able to take the booklet to Makyyrga, it is going to ruin everything.
The group of kids leave the room. I follow them to the kitchen of their dorm, where [Jen] puts the book on the table in sight of the window. They leave it there as they leave the kitchen.
A quick jerk opens the unlocked window. I slide inside, then take the book from the table. Unfortunately, they’re coming back in as I do this, and I slide beneath the table to hide from them. They don’t notice me.
“Did you take that book?” [Jen] asks [Jake].
“Did you bring it downstairs?” [Jake] asks, shutting and locking the window.
“Yes, I brought it downstairs.” [Jen] snaps. “I sat it next to my bag.”
[Jake] insists they look for the book when they get back to an apprehensive [Jen.] That is when all of the commotion starts. I move to exit the window, but it won’t budge. I move to the front door, now that the coast is clear. Before I leave, though, I hear her scream, and I realize Nautela is here.
I go up the stairs and in the office, thinking I can catch the demon as it passes, but instead I find myself in the room with Nautela. She rushes in and gently closes the door. She doesn’t turn on the light, which is great for me to continue to hide in the shadows. At least if Buer comes in here, I can attack it.
We wait what feels like an eternity. I have to get out of here before I’m caught sneaking around. I grab her and pull her out from under the desk, causing her to scream. This attracts the attention of Buer. Nautela rushes from the room and down the stairs, not even acknowledging the demon as it stands just before her.
Buer sees me, then takes a few steps back. This was a prank.
Whatever magic seems to be on the house has now dissipated. I am able to open the second story window and jump out. I fall into a bush, then run away from campus. I throw myself into a ditch, then open the ID book. It is then that I realize the creature I’m seeing the POV of is Sam.
This booklet has a ton of information on me, and I realize just how fucked I’d have been if they were able to turn this over. I realize then that it’s not enough to just get the book–if that group read any of this, they’d have to be no longer a problem. This was really bad.
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The Deepest of Voids
Today is my birthday, but I received probably my favorite birthday gift a few days ago. Even thinking about it stirs up a longing feeling in my chest and swells up fluid in the oculars. I’ve even lost a little momentum in my updating of the Goetia thread because it shook me to my core.
Something changed after that. I expected things to become bad or at least strained between us. I’d essentially proven to him exactly what he wanted to believe. I was terrified, even though I’m not entirely sure of the details I saw, it’s now a vague memory. I know it happened, but I couldn’t tell you what the figure looked like.
I expected us to grow apart, which was our way when things like this happened.
I was surprised.
I could not have been prepared for this.
I found myself in a dimly lit, infinite hallway. The sounds of blight echoed through the hall, but they were not within my vision. It didn’t lessen the fear I felt knowing they could be around any corner.
Exhausted, I stopped at a three way intersection. At the end of the short corridor to my left stood a glass wall like a receptionist’s desk. I knew if I went there I would be greeted by some beast that wanted to kill my dream self. It was that typical nightmare feeling.
I didn’t expect to become suddenly lucid. True lucid.
“Yo,” I said to the white drop-ceiling. “Can you just let me out of here?”
The hall I ran through for what felt like hours had shifted. Behind me stood a dark walnut door and a frosted glass window. Within the window moved shadows.
“I wonder if [Mysterious] is in there.” I shrug to myself before skipping gleefully across the burber blue-green carpet like the naive child that I am.
I twist the silver handle, then enter to find myself in a short hallway that led to an apartment living room. Those walls were the same beige that matched my infinite hallway, except now hardwood floors stretched down the hall and to a large window that covered corner to corner of a back wall. Curtains hung loosely around the edge, open to see the dark shapes beyond the glass. It was a cityscape I didn’t recognize, but the lights of the city were long gone.
I walk down the hallway, finding that one of the walls served only as a divider of the large room I was in, carving a small office to the left of my entrance. That is where I saw movement in the frosted window, so I peaked around to see who opened the space to me.
I didn’t recognize this man. Tan complection, facial hair, and kind eyes in a dark coat, I don’t recall seeing him in any of my other dreams or wandering visits to fantastic places.
“[Mysterious]?” I peaked asked, unsure if it’s who I was speaking to. The man ignored me, opening a large black locker-type cabinet. I continued, sensing that familiar energy I came to care for. “Are you intentionally ignoring me?” The man says nothing, disappearing into the cabinet. “Well, damn–OK.”
I walk away, moving into a sitting area where a large brown couch rested against a kitchen bar. A familiar voice interrupted me before I could plant myself on those comfortable cushions, “You should take a chill pill once in a while.”
I turned to remark something snarky, but found myself taking in the face–the true face–of Mysterious. I was frozen in surprise. He wore a blue suit ensemble and a white shirt. He lost the tie for the occasion. I thought I was making the entire image up once again, my brain filling in details that I couldn’t make out as it normally does, yet this was no figment of pure imagination. This was real–it was his face–and not just some illusion of it.
I stand there, speechless, as he passes me. He sits on the couch, now behind me. I was so used to seeing what I thought he looked like, based on old memories of him, that I didn’t know how to react to seeing him. I couldn’t even process it.
Never–and I mean–never in a million years would I think of finding myself here.
I spun on my heel to look at him again, ensuring that I wasn’t just losing what was left of my mind. He still sat there, removing his suit jacket to toss on a nearby chair. He then rolled up his sleeves. “Come here.”
As I sit down next to him, the place changes. We’re sitting very close now, knees touching, and I find myself fixated on his face. Mysterious is much older than I thought, where my mind easily allowed for him to show himself as the man that likely existed many, many years ago, he now appeared as a man in his forties, no longer representing this fantasy of being perpetually young. The beard I’d seen a few times before was very short now, and spritzes of grey turned became the majority. It spread to his hair, once black, then brown, then blonde–it was now a salt and peppered mix.
I often made jokes about him being “an old man,” now those words held meaning. Forties is by no means old, but when I’ve been seeing and believing this is someone shaped after a man in his twenties, primed for the rest of his life, it was an adjustment.
He told me that my visions of him were very close, but not exactly right, but never shed any details. He used that image against me, appearing as I imagined rather than how he was, often.
He touches my cheek, tracing a gentle thumb over what I imagine is flushed flesh. “What?”
“You’ve shown me your face.” I took the opportunity to study every detail, every perfection.
“Worst mistake I’ve ever made.” He half-grinned.
“Don’t play hard to get now.” I teased. “I can’t believe you trusted me enough to do this.”
“I’m already disgusted with myself.”
“The best thing that could happen to me today has happened. I’m going to have to cancel the whole day, because it absolutely can’t get any better.” I shrug.
“I can’t stand you.”
“You’re lying.” I lean slightly back and away from him. “Excuse me while I revisit the ‘you’ll be terrified of my eyes’ conversation we had a few weeks ago.”
He says nothing, staring at me. To be fair, under normal circumstances I probably would’ve been quite apprehensive of the black that stared back at me. It was a little cliche, but it definitely made a lot of things suddenly make sense–like his talent to absorb other beings like the world’s worst pac-man.
“Notice I’m sitting my ass right here and I haven’t screamed once.” I looked him over. “Who is dramatic now?” He says nothing. I give in to what I desperately wanted to ask: “What changed?”
“We’ve been at this for a while.” He sighed, leaning back into the sofa. “You’re different now, and since that’s the case, I figured we should take our journey to the next level.”
He paused, as if waiting for me to speak. When I said nothing, he added: “I’m really surprised you didn’t ask me ‘what’s next’?”
“I prefer to sit in this one for right now and ride out the high. I’m telling you, when I wake up, I’m cancelling the whole day. There’s no point in putting anymore effort into this one…the fact you even made yourself vulnerable enough to show me this has been the best early birthday gift.”
“Who are you and what did you do with [Saga]?”
I texted K the next morning, which led to a long conversation about it. Neither of us could believe it. I’m still in complete disbelief.
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I have been gone for quite a while. I am not dead, nor on the brink of it–I am just preoccupied. I find that when I lose sight of what matters, caught up in the day-to-day of mundane life, I get distracted. Work has been gross. Yet, I realize that it is only that way because I’ve allowed myself to care too much once again, completely forgetting the futility of fighting endless battles for things that will ultimately mean nothing. Despite what we tell ourselves, we are here to make money, not change the world. I have to remind myself of that.
Moving on from my current catastrophe, I have found myself at the cornerstone of the timeline events: the academy. I’ve posted about it before, and its criticalness to the overall timeline structure. Many months ago I figured a few places for the sequence of events, but now that I’m on version 23 of the dream timeline, things have become even MORE clear. It still scares me sometimes, because I may still be holding onto the subconscious belief that this is just something I’ve made up in my head (it’s like a comfort blanket I like to throw around myself sometimes–fully aware that humans oft have an extreme discomfort when it comes to the unknown).
Today, though, I have realized that whatever the timeline is, after spending a few hours staring at it and my mountain of symbol, character, and location notes, I realized I had a few incorrect assumptions I’d shared with others. I realize that these characters, whoever they represent, cannot be contained within a single box of understanding. Those identities I believed were attributed to Nautela and Sam are only fragments of their true selves, perhaps represented by names or mythological characters to convey ideas that I wouldn’t normally be able to understand. Maybe that’s why they adapt and grow with time as my understanding of them change.
All this to say–I don’t think the identities of these characters are entirely what I believed them to be–if I ever shared any musings with you in the past. 
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Glad to see you back!!
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I have a few thoughts that I wanted to share on a few topics. I wanted to share the dreams, specifically, for general consumption. May these dreams one day be finally assembled in a timeline, then transformed into a fiction novel 
(because it would be too weird to share them as what they really are). I thought about tying in my actual experiences with Mysterious as well (of course, also under the label of fiction–given I could just actually be insane and making this entire thing up in my brain).
“What you said was that I should get my fat, ugly, lazy, bad-teeth-having ass up and do something with my life.”
“[Saga], you know good and goddamn well that’s not what I said.” There was a long pause in the dark during those sacred, late night hours. “Also, I never said you have bad teeth, I have no idea where you keep getting this from.” I could tell this time he seemed firmer in his tone. “You should get your life together though, this default answer of: ‘well, if it all goes wrong I could just die’ is not healthy.”
I glanced in the direction where his energy seemed to bellow like smoke.
“What if you operated as if the timeline didn’t matter?”
“I don’t like this line of thinking.”
“I’m just saying–maybe it’s worth considering, given how you’ve been feeling.” Mysterious quickly jumped ahead of the train of thought before I could take it right off the metaphorical bridge into the pit of conclusion.
SAGA20240222A
Distractions
POV: Saga (?)
We stand in a the tower. It’s been a while since I found myself here. Today was my birthday, and with the recent successes of my job, I paid for us all to celebrate. Entering into a lounge area, I find various family members and K.
The below happened in real life the week prior, and was a mirror of that with what appears like additional context:
As I stand in this room, the structure around us shifts. Everyone fades away and I’m standing in the living room of my grandparents’ home. I am telling my grandfather and grandmother that I’m planning on having a baby.
This is just a distraction. The thought is loud, but it is mine. I see Mysterious’s quick glance at me, a dejected look on his face. He turns his attention back to the grandparents, but it doesn’t appear that he’s actually there.
“You did tell me to live my life.” I state, though not with physical lips.
The celebration was over once more in the tower, which we snapped back to like we never left. I stand with an old man who handed me a notebook. K and I stand there, now flipping through the book. She looks through it first, flipping through the pages until she sees some demonic images. K gasps and nearly hands me the notebook.
Mysterious calls K nosey, though he isn’t standing anywhere nearby, instead speaking as a voice that only I can hear. The old man takes the book from Kandie and forcefully pushes it to me.
I think about the interaction/vision from before, and am reiterated that having a baby is a distraction from my current task. I am slightly miffed by Mysterious at this point, feeling like he’s double-speaking to me when he’s telling me to: “live my life” then flipping the script and saying “but make sure you finish the timeline.”
I get in the elevator with the notebook, though my mom appears and enters it with me. We’re on the 11th floor, and I am going down.
Research
I think most of you that know me have heard me say on multiple occasions that I have a trust/no-trust relationship with Mysterious. I often think he’s full of shit and just lies for the sake of conversation, then things happen and I’m left looking at him like he’s a 50-headed hydra while putting together that maybe the statement he made to me wasn’t entirely off base.
I spend so much time trying to prove he’s lying, even all these years later, that I am left with a carton of eggs on my face when the dots connect.
I can’t go into too many details, because #LARP potential, but something I can share is his “research job.” He shared with me many months ago (maybe even over a year ago now) that he recently “took a hiatus from a previous job to pursue some research.” I suspected, from what I knew, that “hiatus” probably meant our equivalent of “administrative leave” but had nothing beyond the indirect statements of some goetic friends that seemed to suggest this much was true.
He shares no details of what his “research work” entails.
SAGA20240219B
Shared Research
POV: Saga (?)
I am in a laboratory with a researcher. There is a pair of scientists, a man and woman, that work on something related to the events of the timeline, likely “blight research.” The world they live in is being torn apart by something (likely blight) and their research is important to diffuse whatever is happening.
The man tells me how he has been doing research on something related to the timeline as a side project. He’s apparently an expert in many topics, and his research into blight somehow is loosely related to the timeline.
I had a theory that Nautela died of blight, and the entire “story arc” in the latter half of the timeline, when we see Sam on his own, is after her death but is directly related to her death. I’m not sure if this validates that or not.
The researcher shares with me that “[Mysterious] has been to the lab,” and “took thorough copies of the notes related to the timeline.” I am bothered by his keen interest in the topic, and specifically think about how these notes relate to me. I feel like maybe I don’t want Mysterious to find out any details about me? There is a particular fear that comes from hearing this that I can’t place, and I perceive that it’s related to him “finding me.”
I ask the researcher where these notes are, which he begrudgingly fills me in that these notes are in the hospital. I sigh heavily, realizing that to go into the hospital is to risk being pursued by monsters that evolved there. Lame-o.
I decide to go anyway, and am in fact chased. I never find the notes, but I run into Mal, and we manage to escape back to the safe zone.
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Sorry to double post–but I wanted to put this one separate, because I think it will get a bit long, though I’m sure you all expect that of me at this point. I am long-winded AND insane.
Guilt
This is one of the recent, yet most interesting dreams. I believe–even in the old journals–that I thought Mysterious had something to do with the box, though not a direct contributor. I don’t believe it as a “curse” as originally believed by some of my collaborators, but definitely think there is something to his involvement overall.
Mid-journey, I thought maybe my “remembrance” of things was some sort of “penance for Nautela’s guilt” but realized that wasn’t likely. (I enjoy coming up with theories, as you can tell.) Most of my theories are wrong, but it’s all solving a puzzle.
SAGA20240110B
Revenge
I am in a large building, possibly a hotel or apartment complex. The building is dilapidated and smeared in a thick, dark substance. It’s on the walls, the floors, and the ceiling in various shapes and sizes. I come to the conclusion that it is blood or a blood-like substance.
I am ascending the tower with the intentions of reaching the top floor. At the top floor, I will showdown with “the emperor.” As I ascend each floor, I note that some of these floors are debts that I must repay.
On one of the later floors, I come to the conclusion that the debt I repay proves that my children are dead and it’s all my fault. I am heartbroken and experience extreme, painful guilt.
There is a woman in the tower with me, but she is part of the group of creatures in the tower. She fled light sources, which I used to keep her away from me. I was terrified of this woman. She was a dark grey, dead color. Her eyes were a deep red. She wore a crop top and shorts, which reveals black strands like veins all over her skin. She had on some sort of neon wig, but it was saturated with the dark liquid that was present everywhere in the building.
I face each floor until I reach the last room on the second-to-last floor. This last room contained a friend that died along the way, and I had to defeat them in battle before I could move to the next floor. I succeed and move to the stairs that take me to the next floor.
Looking at the “map” of each floor, I realize that the next floor has to do with my daughter, then I am on the floor where I will face the emperor. Knowing the next floor had to do with my daughter, I felt the guilt once more, and let the emotion take over me. I desperately wanted to bring her back.
After regaining myself, I went to the next floor. On this floor, I have no power. The woman of the tower, which I was fleeing, reveals that she wants to help me reach the top floor. She assists me in completing some of the puzzles. I suspected that after doing this, she’d try to stop me from reaching the emperor, but she did not stop me. Instead, she stopped others who wanted to stop me. These other men that descended on us from the top floor were easily dispatched by powers that the woman wielded.
I solve the puzzles on the top floor, which will lead me to the emperor in the last room of this floor. I am shown two “possible realities:”
- Everything that happened I blamed on myself (the death of my children, etc.) when really it was the emperor’s fault
(or)
- Everything that happened WAS my fault, and the emperor capitalized on that to turn me into whatever I am now
I am furious by the time I come to this conclusion. Throughout this whole journey I have had to raise the dead, fight beasts/blighted, or put together puzzles. It’s been a whole deal just to realize that I have carried a weight that wasn’t entirely my own.
A narrator spoke over the dream: “The only sure-fire way to bring back the dead is in hell.”
I kick open the door and enter the hallway where the woman stands. I hand her a bottle of lavender from the last puzzle, which was my “prize.” She stops torturing one of the bad guys to look confusedly at the bottle as I pass her. She opens the bottle, then returns to torturing the man, which I hear behind me as I go to the room that contains the emperor.
There is some sort of symbolism that suggests within the room is “the king of kings” as I finally make my way inside. I am seething. Inside was a man bound to a headboard by the wrists. He appears dead.
Funny story. Labolas called Mysterious the “king of kings” during my Goetia experience. I really need to post the rest of those.
I take a bucket of the mysterious liquid from beside the door, throwing it on the man. “This is all your fault.” I hiss. “I could torture you for this, but I just want revenge.”
I am overcome by anger, finding myself contorting as it moves through me. I now see myself in third person, taking on a similar appearance to the woman that assisted me. My eyes are black, by skin greys, and my lips turn black as well. Black ink drips from my lips. I bend backwards, then crawl backwards into a dark, adjacent room.
I am now observing a courtroom as a third person viewer. The members of this court feel bad for the emperor, and I find myself angry about this. They attempt to lessen his sentence, despite everything bad that has happened to all of us being his fault. They did this because they no longer felt sorry for me, seeing that I am getting my revenge on him.
There is a presentation. I cannot see the presenter, and am instead focused on the image of the tower. The land this tower sits on is directly tied to hell in some way, like a portal between the world these people exist in and hell itself. There appears to be a lot of superstition around it.
It is implied that through this, I am trapped in the tower similarly to the woman that helped me.
The Dark Saga
Interesting symbols pop up in the vision. The “dark self” that makes an appearance at the end of the dream isn’t new. There have been similar concepts:
SAGA20130720A
On a Canvas of White
I am in my condo at first, cleaning.
A snippet appears. I see myself laying in a void of white. I am also painted white. It’s like someone sprayed everything with white spraypaint.
Familiar, orange eyes replace my own. I am staring at myself (well, third-person omniscient me) who slowly pans backward away from her.
She opens her mouth, black ooze drips out of her mouth, down her chin and cheeks. It is the only color aside from the eyes.
This version of me stands in the condo, except no longer painted in white. She attacks me, revealing shark-like teeth. The black ooze is replaced by blood. I fight myself off.
Black ooze from the mouth is 1000% a symptom of blight. I wonder if it’s tied to Nautela dying in this way. So INTERESTING.
SAGA20150313A
The Mirror
It cut to me standing downstairs. I was listening to this music. It was vibrating/shaking my head.
I walked up to the mirror. I was overcome with anger. I lifted my arm and held it out. I started to scream. My hair wisped around and shook in invisible wind. I levitated off of the ground and flew towards the mirror. I swung around and moved towards the stairs.
I started crying for my mom, but I couldn’t control myself anymore. I managed to wake myself up
Of course, this could all be some cliche version of symbolism that means nothing beyond what normal dreams mean. But where is the fun in that?
Showdown with Mysterious
On quite a few occasions, I’ve seen visions where Mysterious and I have to “showdown” at the end of some journey, which I imagine is related to some revelation that I have (and maybe got some form of an answer about in the dream above).
Mysterious is the one creating all the puzzles in a few dreams, but–ultimately–he wants me to get to the end. It’s so weird.
This is one of quite a few dreams I have about Mysterious and I having this interaction. There are even dreams where the family seems to suggest that the only way to break the curse Mysterious put on their family is for me/Nautela to kill him.
SAGA20220618
The Black Hole
Apparently, to reach a certain ending to the story, a group of people have to fight [Mysterious], but I’m supposed to be there in this version. Throughout the team running through the mansion where he is barricaded, we solve puzzles. As we do this, Mysterious taunts us. I put together that he WANTS us to reach the ending to try and stop him, through the fact that he is angry every time we don’t make it to the end in time and it leads to him completing some action that creates a black hole.
The first time we enter the house, he taunts the other members of the party. The other scientists argue with him and are nearly discouraged. Hearing Mysterious’s voice, I break through the group and stare at him. Upon realizing I’m there he freezes, surprised to see me with these people. He retreats shortly after, no longer engaging with the others.
This happens a few more times, where he intentionally tries to stop the other scientists from reaching the end. I appear in the room where he is using his shadows to break the puzzles, and in doing so he retreats again further into the house.
We get to the end, but are too late. He opens a black hole in the courtyard. He then rewinds time and tells us to try again. I seem to be the only one who remembers the puzzles and their answers, so I rush forward to get to the end.
The last round, we managed to get to the end. We stand in the courtyard, on some steps, and Mysterious stands in the dirt, surrounded by an army of people. There are also machines that are directed towards us, guns ready.
The sky above is blackened, and a storm rolls in. The other scientists are at the front of the group. They state that they are here to stop him. Mysterious seems unmoved, "You bested the puzzles… surprising."
I surface from the crowd, “[MYSTERIOUS]!” I am gasping for air, sweating. “STOP THIS!”
He is still, staring at me. His expression unreadable. He steps backward into the crowd, turning his face away from me. I am upset by this. The others begin to approach, some readying their guns.
It would be easy to say: “All of this is Mysterious’s fault.” I even LIKE doing that, but it just doesn’t sit 100% with me yet. In another set of dreams, Sam discerns that Lantith Valerian has the power he has because of something that Sam did, and then vows to kill Lantith after Lantith leads to the death of Nautela by Sam’s hand (basically using blight to cause her to attack Sam).
Shit wild fam.
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The Old House
I just thought this one was funny...
My “schrodinger’s husband” and I purchase an old mansion that I’ve visited before as Nautela. It is an American Victorian structure, a plum and purple exterior. Inside the house is all Civil-War era decor. The house definitely seems to be a weird construction of rooms, stairways, and halls, yet it is exactly as I remember from a dream before.
We walk through the front foyer, and on the wall is a painted mural with a brick awning looking out over a lush green garden. I glance at this mural before walking towards the end of the hall-foyer, but am stopped by Mysterious who–in the form of a demon–grabs my arms and pulls me into the mural.
I wake up on the wooden floor in one of the back bedrooms of the house. The walls are uncharacteristically dark here, and an hologram is playing nearby. These holograms are to represent colonials that previously lived here, but the machines were worse for wear.
I sat up at first, taking the room in. There wasn’t much furniture in here, with a vanity and curio cabinet being the only other pieces of furniture. I stood and walked into the adjacent bathroom, finding a bit of foam in the sink. I turned on the sink to remove the foam, which inadvertently sent two gems down the drain.
I reflect on the history of the house, which is believed to be haunted by colonial ghosts, but I knew better. I knew who was in the basement.
As I leave the room and enter the hall now, I reflect on the purpose of the gems, and that these gems go into the basement. They do this because they are being collected by “the demon.” I didn’t seem particularly bothered by this.
I am disappointed that I haven’t seen Mysterious again as I walk down the narrow hall. A commotion erupts from the front room, where I go. I find three women there with a “dueling kit.” It is a wooden stand with two white pistols that have three stars on the sides of them. This kit greatly agitates “the ghosts” of the house.
Upon unsheathing the first gun, the woman aims it to the floor and fires. From the floor a dark-haired girl appears and wraps her arms around the woman. The three women that entered the house scream at the sight.
I decide that I have no time for this today, and throw the three (and the ghost) out on the lawn. I slam the door shut behind me. The house is rumbling and a screeching echoes through the halls. My mom surfaces from the main hall: “What is happening?!”
I push past her and into the hall. I look to the ceiling. "[MYSTERIOUS], WOULD YOU F*CKING STOP IT?!" The rumbling ceases. I turn around to enter the dining room. “Thank you.”
I woke up laughing from the last line. Had a few good chuckles on that, too, in reflection. Can’t take things too serious around here.
The Chain
POV: Nautela
"You have to go through... ME."
I stand in an observatory called the Graemyren. They named the place after a scientist who invented what is similar to our nuclear bomb, but engineered to combat blight.
This observatory is located in the pre-war/pre-flattened Naha desert. I reflect on the nearby amusement park, where I think about my rollercoaster ride.
It fades and I am nurturing a kitten in my hands, singing. The kitten opens its eyes after some time and tries to climb away from me. I note that the creature has eyes that glow. I appear to be taking research notes.
A man I cannot see, nor recognize the voice of, speaks nearby. I catch him mid-conversation as I drift my focus away from the kitten in my hands. "If you want to get through to Bael, you have to go through [garbled], [garbled]…
I note, in my thoughts, that the third name mentioned represents two beings that operate under a single name.
“…the sword, and ME.”
I know that this man that I hear can transform into different things. This man and “the sword” were close friends, with “the sword” being like a father figure to the man.
I saw a mental imagery of “the sword.” It is an older man, bound in rope, and he stands above two metal-clad guards.
The shapeshifter enters the room, and I see that he has large, long horns. He and his horns are black with accents of red.
Anyone looking to talk to Bael had to go through this chain of individuals.
I find the concept interesting because of something similar I read about in Lucifer and the Hidden Demons. You had to work your way down the chain, except there you started at the top and worked down. Here, the opposite is true.
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I Feel It
I border skepticism with every new dream or interaction with the other. I find it keeps me grounded. Sometimes, though, I like to indulge and allow myself to be in wonder.
I was in a house I no longer know. Many years have passed since I walked its halls. It was the house where I had my first attempt. The house of my formidable years. A number of things happened before and after the primary interaction, which I won’t trauma dump on you. The gist of it is my ex-step-father made an appearance, and everytime he does, the dreams become incredibly violent.
I stood with my brother in his then-bedroom. I was being hot-headed about the step-father, but found myself stopped dead as I saw something on the computer in his room.
I saw a young, athletically-dressed Sam, possibly in his teen years. Nautela was there was well, and I saw a few scenes that seemed to imply a duality between the two. They didn’t really seem to notice it, but us as the audience did.
Characteristically, most times where Sam/Mysterious is mentioned, his eyes are always hidden. In this segment, he has a hat on that has an unnaturally sharp shadow over his face beneath the bill.
The final scene was Sam following Nautela on horseback at a steady, slow pace. Behind them the scenery changed over and over, representing travel. Nautela seems oblivious. I said to my brother that “he’d follow her anywhere, and she has no clue.”
As the scenes played through, I heard a song play… I didn’t really understand what the song meant to me when I first heard it–seeing it as just a reflective song. Then in this context, with those specific lyrics, it had new meaning.
And when I’m back in Chicago, I feel it
Another version of me, I was in it
I wave goodbye to the end of beginning
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“I Know What They’re Doing in the Basement”
Throughout my time working on the academy arc of the dream timeline, there is this ominous “basement” that exists. It’s alluded to in the darker dreams, but it’s never revealed what happens down there except Lantith is up to something.
I now know what happened in the basement.
Reaching the Facility
The night is pitch black, with only a few street lights at nook carved out of the trees where a pueblo-styled restaurant stood as the only sign of civilization amid the towering trees. Despite being in the middle of the “bad country,” it was their favorite place to go in the mountains. Nautela walks out of the restaurant, fumbling with her keys in an effort to pull them from her bag.
As she approaches her car beneath one of the parking lot lamps that sat in isolation towards the back of the lot, she sees a man’s figure enshrouded by light sea green hooded robe. When she sees the man she appears to be entranced by his presence there. His back was to her and he stood completely still, his focus seemingly fixated on the forest. She wasn’t sure if the man was actually there or a hallucination, and takes a few steps towards him to confirm if he was in fact there.
After taking a few steps, the man runs into the woods. He is a blur of black as he disappeared between the mighty trunks, moving at a super speed that was uncharacteristic of any “normal” man.
Nautela spun on her heel and dove into her car, locking the doors as she tried to get her keys in the ignition. Once the engine roared to life, she slammed on the gas and fishtailed the car out of the parking lot. She sped down the two lane road that split the dense forest.
A scientist stands on the edge of a glade. Around him are the ruins of an old structure in stone. He is accompanied by a man who is already infected with blight, taking on a wolfish appearance. This is his assistant.
They speak about something that escapes me. As they speak, two people approach them: a man and a woman. For the sake of clarity, these two are the “leaders” of the academy. The man looks similar to Mysterious, but has a more oval-shaped face (let’s call him Tom, for sake of clarity). He has a lot of grey in his beard and hair. The woman is a brunette with a round face (let’s call her Sarah). I can’t remember much beyond that.
Tom and Sarah speak to the scientist, and while they do this they are attacked by some blighted. It is revealed that Tom and Sarah are blighted themselves, but have control over their blight. They rip the attackers to pieces.
Nautela makes it to the facility that evening, her ultimate destination. It is a monstrous structure of stone, and seems placed appropriately in the dark wood. The hall we see her in is lined with large, cathedral windows. The lighting of the space is just bright enough to see half of the hallway.
She moves with some bags at her side, the only sounds her clicking shoes and the rolling of tiny wheels. As it was still night, the tall rooms were largely unseen due to the dimness of the torchlights. Nautela was on her way to the leader’s office, which was like a beacon at the end of the long corridor.
As Nautela enters the room, she sees Sarah first, and is surprised by her presence there. Due to Sarah being in the office, Nautela doesn’t broach the topic she intended at the start of her trek to meet Tom, and instead only introduces herself and checks in. Nautela seems suspicious of Sarah, through we’re not shown why.
“I’ve come to report in.” Nautela puts her smaller back on the top of the rolling bag.
Tom seems pleased to see her, standing from his desk to approach Nautela at the door. “Great.” He shakes her hand. “We could really use the support with all of the blight attacks lately.” Tom, once shaking her hand, takes a few steps back. He leans against his desk. “As you know, despite the infinite resources promised by the QCR, we are short staffed.” His pleasant demeanor shifts to one slightly salty, the corners of his lips downturning. “You would think that with my status as a king, I would get more support.”
Nautela says nothing, only raising a brow. It is revealed, through her thoughts that we can hear that this man is second to Lucifer. “You may be a king, but you are no emperor.” Nautela glances to Sarah, whom she believes Tom is behaving this way to impress (it is noted that Sarah is of blood relation to Tom). Despite Tom’s hubris, Nautela notes that she finds the man attractive.
They discuss logistics, including where Nautela will be staying in the castle-like structure. Once Nautela prepares to leave the office, Tom requests that she look at something that has happened with the advancement of Tom’s blight. We watch as Tom shows Nautela his ability to change the shape of his horns.
“Wow.” Nautela cocks her head. “That’s–pretty impressive.”
“I thought it was an interesting development.” Tom nods.
“I’ll have to note this in my books.” Nautela nods. She appears to be some sort of researcher/scientist.
That evening, Nautela is led to her room by a woman that works there. She is staying in a first floor room, and finds that the bed is right in front of a large, corner to corner window. Nautela refuses to stay in the room as it is, seeing that blighted can see her through the window. She tells the woman of the man in the woods, and that she doesn’t want to be seen by him if he’s out there.
The woman then instructs some men to come in and block the windows, which they do.
Nautela spends the evening tossing and turning, waking up from nightmares. As this happens, we are shown Tom and Sarah’s silhouettes walking past the window, though more beastly in their appearance. Nautela doesn’t seem to notice. She stands from the bed and leaves the room.
The Next Day
The next day, Nautela wanders through the building, noting the considerable construction taking place that impedes a lot of her movement through the various rooms she needs access to.
In another part of the castle, and educator sits with a group of greys. He is educating them on politics, and they seem less than enthused about the subject. The instructor is not a grey, and because he isn’t–he doesn’t get much respect around the place.
Seeing that he’s not getting anywhere with the group of rowdy students, he lets the intrusive thoughts win: “You know, not too long ago we enslaved people like you.”
All of the students looked to the man, mouths agape. In a weird fashion, we’re shown through a cheesy 90’s-esque montage that their pulses are racing in reaction, and their reactions are bleeding through the floors.
The “montage” descends through the floor, where we see a group of four men hanging another man upside down. The man who is chained is bound by metal chains on his wrists and feet, and those one his feet are what they are using to hook him to the ceiling. He has a number of black tattoos on his skin in weird patterns.
The first man of the group lifting him up, a bald man, pauses. He looks back from the group to the ceiling. “Do you hear that?”
The others hung from the ceiling are making a lot of noise, become agitated. The group stops trying to hook the man up.
“Fucking teacher upset those students. Their adrenaline is too high. I can smell them all the way down here.” A second man, wearing glasses curses.
The man being hung up is contorting within the chains. His eyes are turned black, and a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth opens up. He strains against the chains, breaking those in his hands. He reaches for the first man, biting down on his skull. Doing so, he breaks right through the bone and kills the man. He digs his fingers into the skull of the second man, breaking his skull as well. The remaining two men finally got him on the hook, and they scramble away.
The man on the hook continues to struggle until he breaks the chains on his feet.
Tom and Sarah work with the scientist, the assistant, and Nautela to fight off the blighted. They do so in a few fight scenes. It’s shown that the blighted man, who was once a friend of theirs, had injured the assistant to the scientist, and Nautela spends a scene trying to find a cure for the intense itching he feels on his face as a result of the attack.
The Reason for the Visit
We are now back in time, where it is revealed why Nautela is in this place at all. She is on the hunt for a missing boy.
Nautela stands with another scientist in a morgue. On the slab is a young male who has two deep bite marks on his wrist. She speaks with the other scientist, “What I don’t understand is how they are seeing visions of the event.”
“Maybe the blood holds the answers.” The man answers. We never see him, only what Nautela sees as she inspects the arm.
We are pulled into one of those visions, seeming to indicate that Nautela sees them as well.
We see a man we’re led to believe is “Lucifer.” He fell to grey dirt, naked. There is a giant tree that is split in half, but it’s hard to see as the scene we see is entirely covered with smoke. We never see the man’s face, as he’s always facing the ground and we’re looking down on this scene from the air.
Other bodies curl up at the roots of the tree. They seem animalistic, where “Lucifer” is still relatively “normal.” As “Lucifer” attempts to reach the center of the tree, which we slowly are shown is glowing, one of the bodies lying on a large root attempts to attack him and stop him from reaching the center of the tree.
“Lucifer” stabs the body in the head, then takes to his feet. He stumbles to the tree, which we see is as tall and wide as a tower.
I see a glimpse of a name written on something similar to a wiki page: “Thereon.” Allegedly, as we hear Nautela read the article or discuss it with the same man from before, “Thereon” is a Greek god that they are pursuing.
The article fades and we’re shown a cinematic shot of an old Roman villa in a valley surrounded by mountains. It appears to be in a valley. In front of the structure is what looks like an old theater.
A man’s voice, whom we’re told is Nautela’s boss/instructor, begins speaking: “They built their churches near the podiums where Lilith preaches in hopes that they can weaken her armies.” Allegedly, whatever force is working against Lilith was attempting to convert the members of her territories, and in doing so they aimed to weaken her armies.
Tourists wander this site as we hear the narration. It’s not clear exactly what we’re looking at.
We’re back at the body. Nautela places the boy’s hand back on the slab. “Shit, man.”
“Yeah,” The boss agrees. “It’s fucking gross.”
Nautela reveals in the scene that she’s an expert in blight and it’s why they called her to visit this place. She is going to this “school” to get answers on what happened to the boy. Nautela suspects that Sarah and Tom know more than they are saying, even believing that Tom and Sarah are the ones that did this.
Nautela makes a note of Lucifer descending into the sea, and that’s why no one has seen him in a long time.
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Slight tidbit. I realized I never googled this after the dream, so we are finding this out together real-time.
Me:
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Tree symbolism is something that continually pops up in the dream timeline, as well as my own experiences when projecting. There is the tree that exists in the center of the “main house” that I visited in visions of my youth, as well as later years of my life when I picked back up the practice.
A detailed description of the house, and the location of the tree, can be found in Serendipity in Lowered Expectations.
Of course, there is the obvious symbolism in a tree being representative of life, and then some fruit-bearing trees of the Old Testament. It’s not lost on me that there is universal symbolism here.
I’ve also had a few memorable dreams involving a specific tree that matches the description of the tree in the previous dream, which is similar in shape and structure to the tree that is in the “main house.”
Call a Lumberjack
The Bleeding Tree
Nautela was visiting a town in a forest. She was here to take care of a blight problem, and was a part of a company called BlueNorth. I see scenes of Nautela taking care of a blight group and ending her day.
At the end of the afternoon, she returns to a hotel that she is staying at in town. During her return to the room, she finds herself confronted by straggling blighted that she has to exterminate in the lobby, but does so with ease. She returns to her room mid-level of the hotel (I am not sure how many floors there are). She opened the windows to the room, and looked beyond the street to see a junkyard.
Nautela takes a phone call while standing in front of the window, taking in the breeze. She turns her back to the window after a few moments and walks to a nearby kitchenette, but before she can rummage through any of the utensils there, she hears a commotion outside.
It is night by the time this takes place. Two men are wandering around the junkyard in the dark, seemingly trespassing. Nautela, foolishly, is watching the men wander the yard with the lights to her hotel on and window wide open, so they can see her watching them.
A familiar face appears from a car nearby, joining the searching men in the yard. Unfortunately, this mysterious face looks up and sees Nautela in the window. He directs the attention of the other men to go to the hotel and dispatch Nautela, then bring her to him. Nautela shuts the window and curtains, then shuffles to hide in the room. There aren’t many options.
Somehow, the goons realize which room she’s in and kicks down the door. Nautela throws objects at the men before leaping out the window. As she does this, Mysterious leans against a car in the junkyard, lighting a cigar.
After a long series of chase scenes, Nautela is captured by the cronies.
Due to something in Nautela’s blood, she is considered extremely valuable. The goons take her from the hotel. As this happens, Nautela’s mind is racing about the different reasons that he could want her, especially now that they know it’s her.
Apparently, she was injected with something by [Sam], and because of this it has altered her blood to be basically immune to blight. As they exit the building, it’s revealed that one of the larger trees in the woods next to the hotel has been cut down.
Likely in hindsight, Nautela notes that this tree was believed to be the source of the creatures in the woods surrounding this town. The tree bled black blood, and its blood turned the local fauna into creatures of blight.
Since the tree had been cut down, Nautela was confused on how the cryptid-like beasts of the woods could still exist, and specifically is fearful of a beast that is similar to a Wendigo. We also see one of these creatures as the group leaves the hotel and passes said tree.
It’s noted that the tree is not dead despite being cut down. The stump is still alive, and believed to grow back its stump over time. The roots of this tree are massive and spread through the ground. The roots have reached all of the other trees in this woods and infected those trees.
It is later revealed that the locals cut down these trees to build a wall, and because of the properties of the tree (and its relatedness to blight) it makes an effective wall against the blight beasts in the forest. Nautela has a moment of reflection where she notes that she helped the townsfolk identify this and cut down the tree. For some reason she feels terrible about this.
Ada shows up and saves Nautela from the goons. Mysterious is missing. Ada and Nautela discuss the tree, and how the entire forest is infected by the dark tree–like a parasite.
Nautela comments to Ada how this wasn’t “disclosed in the book” and seems to be a secret.
Later that evening, Ada and Nautela talk about what happened with the goons. Nautela shares with Ada that someone is looking for her blood because of aforementioned injection, and somehow they can use her blood to control the forest.
I see Mysterious circling the hotel outside, smoking. He watches from afar as Nautela and Ada inspect the trees. He notes that the tree is in fact directly related to the tree in “the main house.” He has a wound on his neck, and–somehow–we know, as the audience, that they drew blood from the scarring on his neck.
Despite his intentions to capture Nautela, it’s also noted that he isn’t the big bad guy and works for the big bad.
The Rabbit Hole
Another, MUCH older segment of dreams includes the tree and something living inside of it. This tree attacks Mysterious and someone else as he stands in the garden of “the main house,” seemingly knocking him unconscious.
Something's in that tree
A doctor walks around a corner in “the main house.” He is standing in front of a set of the large windows that looks out into the garden. I hear a female’s voice gasp, as if we’re watching the scene with her and she’s talking during the movie. “Uh oh, [Mysterious] is coming around the corner!”
Mysterious surfaces from the same hallway, and watches as the doctor faints and falls to the floor. He steps over the man and enters the garden courtyard. The tree is there, and seems to be cut in half (the stump is very large and tall). We are watching the scene over Mysterious’s shoulder as the tree grows in his presence. A door/hole opens in the trunk, and inside it is completely black.
A dark voice begins to speak from within the tree. “What makes you think I won’t kill one of my children?”
Mysterious cocks his head. “I thought I was the devil?”
Mysterious looks at his hands, then he faints and falls to the dirt at the foot of the tree.
Apparently, she was injected with something by [Sam], and because of this it has altered her blood to be basically immune to blight.
While this is the idea of “The Bleeding Tree,” I’m not sure I’m sold on it. Nautela is–later in the timeline–basically “possessed” by Lantith Valerian and attempts to kill Sam. I’m not sure how, if this immunity is true, he could accomplish this feat.
I find the injection significant as I write this article because of another dream that comes to mind.
If in the previous dream they thought the blood was showing the visions of “the event,” maybe that adds more context to the “this is what you wanted” dream.
“This is what you wanted.”
IV Drip
I am Saga in this dream, trapped in a gurney in my grandmother’s house. A female nurse enters the room and hangs up a black bag that looks like blight blood. I panic in the gurney, and try to call out to Mysterious to free me from the nightmare.
The woman continues to move about the room, preparing an IV bag with blight blood. I ask her what’s in the bag and she confirms my fears. She plugs the IV bag into the IV on my arm, then hangs the bag on the hook. The moment she releases the blight from the bag and it enters my blood, I am paralyzed. The world around me spins out of control, with my vertigo caused by a mix of dizziness and lightheadedness. The world takes on a surreal feeling, like I’m “dreaming within a dream.”
I call out one last time to Mysterious, “convinced this wouldn’t happen.” (Whatever that means.)
The woman, sitting at her computer, morphs into something else. After a few moments, I see a blonde Mysterious stand from her chair. His eyes are completely black, similar to how I saw him in the vision when I believe I saw his “true face.”
I am trying to convince him to stop the drip, but he continues with the treatment. I’ve somehow released myself from the binds and try to unplug the bag. He stops me, then tells me to get back into bed. I protest, but only as I am climbing back onto the gurney.
He looks at me, half-smiling: “But, this is what you wanted.”
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Discoveries, The Feelings We Push Down, and The Importance of Patterns
ME: “I just don’t understand why it seems so easy.”
OTHER PERSON (exasperated sigh): “It’s because it comes naturally to you…” (laughs) "It ain’t like that for everyone."
I believe that a lot of what I do or have read about relies on personal interpretation. Normal life, for me, is very similar in that respect. I took a week off because I had some really bad kidney issues again, though after a thorough round of examinations and diagnostic procedures, we’ve come to a diagnosis that didn’t expect. It’s not terminal or anything, but it’s definitely a hopeless situation in my victim-brain (I reserve the right to be a victim about it for at least a week, then I’ll get my act together).
The time off though, regardless of the reason, was incredibly helpful to my overall wellbeing. For those that know, I’ve had a rough time at work–but I was able to address the problem directly today, and it caused me to realize that a theory I mulled around a long time ago may actually hold water.
Mysterious and I have had an interesting relationship, to put it mildly. Despite sharing a number of things online, I find myself completely blown away by how his plans come full circle. Even today, on the horizon of a promotion that I didn’t see coming, I find myself re-analyzing a lot of our previous interactions.
I just don’t get it.
It’s entirely possible the answer is right in front of me and I’m just a fuckin’ idiot. I do a lot of fuckin’ idiot shit. I just like to think that if it was SUPER OBVIOUS I would see it. Yet, I don’t.
Art imitates life.
For context, my “confrontation” today was with someone that I have a difficult relationship with because–for some reason–the individual triggers something deep-rooted in myself, I have determined. After toiling over it forever, I’ve realized that this is an individual that I have some stupid compulsion to try and win the approval of, and from my perspective didn’t get it at the time and let that completely throw my life off course. Getting it out–finally–changed something in me. While I thought I was fighting this other person this whole time, I think I was fighting myself. It’s really hard not to share the details, but if by some happenstance they find this, I don’t want them to know I have been talking to strangers on the internet about work for ages.
You would think amid the other things that I’ve spoken about, that would be the least of my concerns, but my brain doesn’t work too good sometimes.
The confrontation led to a return of a theory that I had about some patterns in my life. I’ve noticed that two things tend to happen (and I’m not saying this is the doing of Mysterious, I am stating that maybe it’s my subconscious replaying themes or something–I haven’t thought that part through yet).
The theory is: there is always a direct reflection of some detail in “the game” hidden in plain sight.
This individual, though platonic as a relationship, is almost a direct reflection of the cat-and-mouse I’ve been dealing with on this whole Mysterious nonsense. The theme being there is some person that is a problem, and it’s something that has to reach some sort of resolution, but my inaction or “lackadaisical attitude” about it causes it to continue to fester. I don’t think it’s a big deal day-to-day because I’m in a constant state of survival, but–truthfully–it’s a poison that bleeds everywhere and ruins what I enjoy.
I haven’t worked on the timeline in–a long time. I’ve sat down and moved things around, but it hasn’t been fruitful in a little while. I get this overwhelmed feeling everytime I sit down, which I thought was related to some of the uncomfortable truths that I’ve read about. I just don’t know how to describe it, it’s physically painful. It sometimes dissipates, but this time it has dragged on longer than some of my other, more recent episodes. I’ve even gotten out of the house more in an effort to kick start my motivation. Yet, my “motivation” makes a noise like the choke of a bad lawn mower–we get some racket, but the engine just dies.
I suspect, if my thoughts are correct, that the universe is trying to tell me something, but I can’t see what it is yet. The agony for me is in the waiting. It’s always in the waiting. I have grown incredibly impatient. It’s actually really funny, because I used to have an intimate relationship with death (through my enthusiasm about finally achieving it) and now I have an enthusiasm about living, with only the desire to learn more about what those secrets are that I’ve brushed against. I’ve gained an awe for the big picture, and would do anything to understand it better. There is even joy in being wrong, but damn it–the moments like this–with the waiting for the next big discovery are a pain in the ass.
Naturally I’d take us off course into a muse and lose the plot, so I’ll attempt to bring us back.
Right now it appears that there is a theme to explore, and if I recall the last one, which was when I first touched on this theory and another musing many months back, the result was monumental in my process. It caused big change. I don’t doubt, with the absolute TURMOIL that I’ve been in by my own volition and lack of boundaries, the next confrontation will be big. Like BIG BIG.
I suspect it’s going to be one of these:
But even then, I GUESS I’ll be ok with it, but man… The strange places I’ve been on the path to growth. I’d venture to say aloud: “Man, why couldn’t I have just been told not to be a cringe, weird, or edgy asshole all the time?” But, then I remember the truest words some stupid demon said to me:
“I COULD just tell you, but you won’t really learn the lesson if I just tell you–and, honestly, I think you’d be mad at me if I spoiled it anyway.” - Said stupid demon
The Reason
Stupid Thoughts
I spoke to K today. I didn’t even speak that seemingly sacred name or even thought about his involvement or stupid omens and double-speak. Then K says to me:
Can we just take a moment to acknowledge that a [Mysterious] always pulls through in his own time? I just want to soak in the victory, and the fact that this dude said this would happen.
Mysterious is often humble when he’s not attempting to be goofy. Speaking the words “I helped set it up but you still had to execute.” The MF will lie about shit to my face, then sit and look at me like a parent would on Christmas day after playing off that they couldn’t get you the one gift you wanted all year. I don’t understand it.
It does put things in perspective, though, because the stuff that I constantly am going: “OH YEAH YOU LIED” about is small, petty shit. Meanwhile, the dude literally pulls jobs out of hats, miraculous living situations from carefully executed background steps, or awe-inspiring signs from the clouds.
Why not be transparent, though? Why the games? What do you gain from playing the game?
More importantly, what are you gaining by helping me? If I am to believe the traditional systems, demons don’t just do things. They have reasons for doing what they’re doing. I boggle my brain every day in an effort to understand what that thing is. Girls like me would love to believe that it’s a fairy tale and bonds mean something more than chains, but that doesn’t actually exist if the old systems are true.
To be fair, most human relationships don’t work that way either. It’s not romantic, but relationships are give and take. There is something that each party is gaining from a relationship, whether miniscule or gigantic. I just know that your girl has been given a lot without a whole lot of giving in return, and that terrifies me.
Console me in my darkest hour.
Convince me that the truth is always gray…
…Conceal me from the ghost you cast away.
…tell me that you always hear my cries.
I wonder what you you’ve got conspired
I’m sure it dawns a consolation prize.
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I am convinced now that it’s not because I am smart or extraordinary. It’s because I am simple. I cannot go down these robust, complex paths. Keep it simple. Keep it doable. I sat down this evening and realized how complicated things had gotten lately. Complicated is the cause of all suffering in my life right now.
Surprisingly, my esoteric pursuits have been the least complicated part of my life–if you don’t count whatever payment Mysterious will be looking for after all the dust has settled.
Onto happier, less-complicated things.
Strange Happenings
Despite being the least complicated part of my life, it is always perplexing in its own little way. I find the symbolism fascinating, and everytime I see something new I am in awe. I have uncovered a few new places that I find interesting.
ätom dieus
Alternate reality or vague city-place?
Ada and Nautela are going on vacation. They had the ability to go to various locations across the universe, for lack of a better word in my feeble mind.
On the way to their vacation spot, Ada gave Nautela a touchpad screen that controlled some sort of portal device. While Ada configured the device, Nautela reviewed the location: “Ätom Dieus.”
With a few simple clicks, they are there. The spot is a riverside resort that is surrounded by thick trees. It doesn’t appear that there is much of a road, and is instead just some building on the side of the river. It’s a very nice and lively location.
It is implied that they “travelled to another universe” but I as I came out of the dream, I felt like they instead travelled to another city named this.
While there, I witness the group enjoy various water sports, including an eventful kayaking adventure that results in Nautela nearly drowning. This results in Nautela uncovering some sort of “water shed” (which is some building trapped under water, not penetrated by the water in this scenario).
Nautela and Ada are with others that want to venture down to the bottom of the river to find out what is inside of the building. Ada is sucked into a pressurized tube that shoots her straight down to the building. The accident scares everyone else, but Nautela takes a walkie-talkie and follows her down, she tells the others not to follow them.
Invinium
My Sword, Your Shield
Mysterious is in a city called Invinium (but is pronounced “Infinium”). He is in a group of soldiers that are travelling through the city.
We are dropped in media res to a situation where Mysterious is chasing a man after understanding that the man was abusing some child. We are not given any additional context. After beating him up and tying him up, he takes the man back to a “safe house.”
It is revealed to us then that this “safe house” belongs to the detained, and the detained is the leader of one the main clans within Invinium. The family of the detained attempt to jump Mysterious, but he makes easy work of them.
We are revealed more information as the two enter the “safe house.” The detained reveals he’s been elected mayor of Invinium. In realizing this, Mysterious lets him go, using the child as a cover story to detain the man and gain access to the house.
Once inside, Mysterious steals a shield on his way out off of a statue, which was his original objective.
A few real-life-Saga days later…
I will not follow.
Still in Invinium, Mysterious has a run in with Makyyrga. It is revealed that, despite the war and the supply shortages, Makyyrga is profiting off those who do not have access to resources.
I have learned that in later segments, whether by his own understanding of the grief felt by those impacted by blight or his overall gray personality, he sometimes does some surprising things.
Mysterious, on his way out of the fortress in the center of Invinium, takes one of the crates from Makyyrga and gives it to some inhabitants nearby. They share amongst each other. The food is of little value to him, anyway.
What he really wanted was the vial next to the food at Makyyrga’s supply “shop.” It was a small pitcher of a fluid that had the consistency of water, but glimmered in light. The glitter inside moved like a school of fish.
Makyyrga, realizing what he’s done, storms after him, but he escapes her and heads to the docks. He is supposed to go to the beach at the edge of Invinium, where he will locate his target: a stocky man. We’re not told why he has to eliminate him, but he must.
As this happens, time shifts. We are now Sam, walking across a boat’s deck that overlooks the same ocean. Sam stops at the railing, overlooking the vast, dark ocean.
People walk behind him, dressed formally. Sam is walking in the opposite direction of them, being the only one wearing a white suit, and seemingly furious. We do not know why, but we understand–for some reason–he’s leaving.
[His father] approaches. It is the man from the staff dream. He stands in a black suit, with a woman I recognize as Sam’s “mother.”
[The mother] continues onward, leaving the two to speak. The father seems put off by Sam’s walking the opposite direction, away from the event. “Where are you going?”
“I’m not sure.” Sam states, not really stopping to talk rather than just slowing his pace.
[The father] reaches out to grab him, but he’s out of his reach. “You should join us for once.”
“I can’t bring myself to do that.” Sam states, now more determined in his movements.
We briefly hear a line of thought. There is a ceremony taking place in the area he’s leaving, and he recognizes that if he stays, whoever is leading the ceremony will put Sam in prison, sacrifice him, or kill him. We don’t know anything about this “ceremony” so it’s hard to say. The outcome seems ominous, and we are only met with a “I am not sticking around to find out.”
Sam rips his tie off as he storms away.
My favorite thing to uncover is names, even if they are silly representations that likely just exist so I can understand them conceptually. It just tickles me everytime.
Just a Sappy One
Stay here.
Mysterious is ascending through a series of cloud-themed fights. In the background of these arenas, there is a black hole (or some sort of void) that has red eyes in its center.
After a number of fights, Mysterious makes it to the end where he challenges the void entity. What appears is a man similar to Lantith Valerian.
The fight is long and grueling, and results in Mysterious being knocked to the ground by his opponent. He pushes himself slightly off the dirt, looking over at a brown tuft of fur that slowly reveals its true shape. Mysterious is half-way through standing as he speaks to the animal. “Don’t go anywhere, stay right here. If something happens to you, I don’t know what I’ll do. You’re what’s left of the promises I intend to keep.”
Mysterious is back to his feet, then back at the fight. He defeats the being, which is revealed to be just a shade and not the real thing. The arena disappears, and Mysterious finds himself in an unfamiliar place.
Time goes backwards…
Mysterious is standing nearby, overlooking someone. They speak about a story, and how the story is being told as one large collective, rather than broken up into “different loop attempts.”
I take it that we’re a little off about the timeline from this. Mysterious had mentioned before that we have “been through this loop” and that “this is the loop we got right” and I believe this is just to show that exact fact.
Ending on a high note
Not at all familiar
I am Saga in this dream. I am part of a team of ghost hunters in an abandoned house. While on one of our shifts, which I share with my boyfriend (who I’ve never met in real life), I am attacked by a female ghost in the basement.
The crew thought it would be funny to lock me down there, but I kick the door open and escape the crawlspace that connects the house to the basement.
In the basement, though I didn’t know until I was fully clear of the situation on the first floor of the house, I apparently picked up a polaroid. I lifted the photo, which engulfs my vision.
After a moment, I look beyond the photo and see my boyfriend, who I instantly recognize as the man who tried to kill Nautela. I realize that he brought me here to kill me–just like he did to the woman in the photo. I take off running and escape the house.
I’m running across the yard and to a neighbor’s home. I beat on the door, though trying to remain unseen, until they open the door. I charge inside and explain the situation. I tell them they have to call 911 while I call my mother.
The man in the house takes me to a back room, where I can call my mom. The lights are off so, if my boyfriend looks into the windows, he won’t be able to tell if I’m in there.
After a few moments, I realize that the house is extremely quiet. I turn to see my boyfriend in the doorway with a large knife. He attacks me with the knife, but I am able to wrestle it away from him. Once I had it, I stabbed him over a dozen times.
The world grows still and I am alone, as if the world shifted. The body of my boyfriend is gone, and I am left covered in blood and holding the knife. His clothes are there where his body used to be and you can see the stab holes.
The world is different now. I feel chills down my spine.
I walk out of the room we were fighting in and find myself in a large room, standing before a giant, white fireplace. The knife is still in my hand, but my hands are lax at my sides. My attention is caught by a long-haired blonde, she had ice-blue eyes and the tiniest of pupils. She wore a long black hooded cape. She carried a black chain, as if to put it on me.
To the woman’s right was the same man who opened the door for me to let me in the house, though he was dressed in a red and white ensemble with vestments that looked like something out of the clergy. The thing I remember the most is a hat almost like a mitre. He held a staff in his hands as they approached me.
The pair seemed happy that I accomplished the task, as if it were a test of sorts. I step back before she can put the chain on me, bumping into someone. I thought it was my boyfriend, so I swing back to stab the person over my shoulder. I see a vague shape of someone in the reflection of the polyurethane that coats woodwork on the fireplace. (Like how you see shadows with sharp lighting–I’m not sure how else to describe it.)
The being has pointed ears, and takes a familiar shape. Claw-like hands grip my shoulders before registering what I’ve done. Then, the being touches the knife. “[Saga], what the FUCK?”
I duck away from them, realizing the man behind me was their boss. I thought maybe I killed him, though there didn’t seem to be much urgency as if I did. I turned to face them, but before I could do that…
I burst out of an unknown bed, gasping for air and grabbing my neck where [Saga] stabbed. Looking around, it seemed to have been a long night, as pillows were ripped to pieces and feathers were strung about the room.
I was in a man’s body, and he seemed very distressed about the dreams he was having.
I even wrote this in the entry: "I don’t know that I want to admit out loud that this is the same “silhouette” I saw in the hotel dream.
The Writing
We drove into the city for business. (Makyyrga’s sister) Joy and her son, Tony, were with me. The two stayed in their own room higher in the hotel, where I stayed in a shabbier hotel room that faced a parking garage closer to the ground floor.
Time and various activities passed. Eventually, Joy and her son returned to wherever we came from via a flight home, though we initially drove here. I was worried about getting back home because I was out of money (or perceived that I was–though this could be bleed-through from reality because of my challenges around short-term disability claims at the time). So I sat in my hotel bed that night and stared at the large TV hung on the wall. I had a dog with me.
Time passed, and it was the next day. Who I supposed was Mysterious entered the room. We were entangled in a passionate love affair. He also had a son. We did things together in the city, then came back. They, too, were staying in a room upstairs, though I convinced him to stay with me in the evenings in my hotel room.
One morning, I left my room to drive north into the forest-surrounded township. It was the only place they knew I could get a smoothie at 3 AM. So I got my smoothie and a few other things then came back to the hotel room.
When I returned, Mysterious was there. He had black hair, and it was longer now, and he had a beard. He was under severe distress. I am supposed to be terrified of him, but I’m not. I know he’s not going to hurt me. He is very sick and may even be some sort of creature. Instead of running from him, which he wants me to do, I hug him. He hugs me back, holding me very close.
The vision is now third person. There is a close-up zoom on his face, where black marks stretch across his face like tendrils, and his irises turn black. He makes a swift motion to maybe bite me, but instead, he pushes me to the ground. He coughs, coughing up bright red blood. He looks down at me with intense, conflicting emotion. Words can’t describe the look on his face. Finally, he storms out of the room.
It snaps to him, jerking upright in bed. He snarls, clenching his head with his fingers. There is a blonde, older woman in bed with him. She sits up, patting his back. She tells him to come back to bed, though he doesn’t want to. His appearance is slowly turning more beast-like. She pulls him to her side in bed, stroking his head. He seems very upset by everything that is unfolding.
“Everything is going to be ok.” She runs her fingers through his hair.
“NO! NO, IT ISN’T!” He seems to try and fight her back.
The camera pans to the left, where we only see their shadows. Mysterious then snatches the woman up by her throat in anger. We see that his face has changed, and the rest of his silhouette is changing too. The creature-like features have taken over his body.
I believe he kills her.
I am overwhelmed by flashes of others. I see a few men and a few women, all of which have various wounds on their bodies that are hyper-focused on in the vision. From their injuries, shadows overtake them, creating a cocoon around them as they transform into beasts.
I am then overwhelmed by flashes of beasts, and I hear Mysterious speak: “You shouldn’t have let me feed on the writing!”
All of those people I saw before, they were writers or creators of some sort. He was killing them.
“It’s mind over matter.” Another man responds. “It’s a culmination of all your darkest fears.”
I see another victim turn into a giant bat-like thing.
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