🔑 The Skull and Key 💀

[Onyo]

13th August, 2022
12:16

First off, thank you Prince Orobas for this incredibly cool af name. I love it.

Hello everyone, I’m Oni(yo)n. New journal, new beginning, new me. Reflecting back to when I started a journal, I have changed a lot. I am no more the scaredy little girl (although I still get scared sometimes, but who doesn’t? it’s only human) and have a bit more solid footing in my practice. I have something akin to a structure now. It’s not the same as before, the difference is huge.

Having Belial as my beloved Patron is fun. The lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I get everything I want but it’s all received with humility, because I understand the work that was put in for me to get it. Understand and accept the sacrifices, the pain and the work. I have come a long, long way from where I was.

Thank you, Lord Belial. I am grateful for your lessons, your guidance and your support.

With Belial as a gatekeeper, I have 4 months of work with him. We’re close to a two, and it’s just going to get harder. But that’s okay, I can get through that. I’ve learned when to give myself a break, and when to pull my socks up and get ready to work.

I’ve also been working with Hekate, or trying to. She’s a magnificent goddess but life happens and I am unable to give my time to her as much as I want to.

I experienced a lot of burn out from college, along with it fatigue and short temperedness. Although I am able to bite my tongue, my anger has not yet found an outlet in the physical. Which means that the only way I can get it out is to practice with my astral weapons. The practice is good but it doesn’t help with getting it out a lot tbh. So I just take a few deep breaths and chill.

I was having issues with my sister, but I’ve worked on them and I’m at a more…peaceful place.

But, the shadow work never stops. You can work on healing your childhood, but then something that happened 2 months ago pops up which triggers you all over again.

We as humans live off of each other. We are shaped by our environment and the people around us. We are shaped by what we learn, are taught and teach ourselves. We are shaped by our interactions and the media we consume. Strip everything away, what do we have? We habe nothing. We have you, but what is you? Who is you? Everything we say, do, and teach is based on experiences. Then what makes us different? The choices we make, the words we choose to speak, the actions we choose to make. Conscious thought, conscious actions are what makes us different, in my thinking at least. I’m no wise sadhu who lives in the mountains. I’m a college going girl from a middle class family who has an existential crisis once a month.

But hey, I make the most of it. I don’t try it, because I’ve reached a level with myself where I’m content with every decision I make. It either sparks joy, or doesn’t. Either way, what bliss.

Future me might cuss me out for agreeing to something, but the future of future me will understand my actions and be content. Because I have come to understand and know that everything is for a reason and everything is aligned (to an extent). There will be the occasional anamoly, and it’s either happiness or an asshole you need to remove from your way 🤷‍♀

That being said, this is all for this entry. I hope everyone has a great day!

[Onyo]

“Can I get you anything you desire?”

14th August, 2022
20:23

I am obsessed with the character of Desire from the Sandman. Seriously, how can a character be so enigmatic? It’s like a toxic thing which you know is bad for you, but you keep going back to it because it feels so good. I’ve watched that particular scene probably a hundred times now, I will probably draw Desire one day. I’m working on a new art style, and watching a lot of videos to learn different techniques.

Apart from learning things of art, I also have 1 day to well verse myself with geriatric depression, alzheimer’s disease and dementia. I have got a book, but I can’t find the matter in it and no amount of ctrl+F is helping. I’ll look again after dinner. I got some positive feedback from my professor, which helped tremendously with motivation.

I was talking to my mother today and was quite upset by a few things, but I feel better now.

I was having terrible stomach ache yesterday, accompanied by nausea. I was shaking, sweating and felt like I would pass out. I would like to thank my friends and Michael for helping me out. It helped me a ton. My friends also got me medicine for my nausea, and the chef at the hostel mess was kind and toasted me some bread.

tw// harassment, skip this paragraph if you’re not comfortable

Since a few nights, there’s a new pattern in my dreams. I know why, and I know what to do. But I am unable to do it yet. I keep dreaming that there is a girl, and she is being harassed by a guy. I go and I get her out of there, but I’m unable to get her to safety fully before the dream ends. This ends, when I beat that guy and get her to safety. This is the only way this will end. Inner work to reflect outer perceivable reality. The stone will be set rolling tonight.

I took a long, happy rest last week. Things will pick up their usual pace now. I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Because I was sick yesterday I couldn’t do what I had planned to do, so I will be trying to finish them tonight.

I sat like a shrimp again and now my back hurts, as usual. Nothing new here lol. It’s been raining all morning and it’s cold. That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a great day.

[Onyo]

19th August, 2022
20:18

The above screenshot is from a YouTube video on The Red Book written by CG Jung. My friends know how much I love Jung, and his approach. This particular ss is an excerpt, where Jung is talking to Philemon. If one day, the spirit of Jung comes to my dreams and says he dabbled in magick I would not doubt it.

Anyways, I had to stick to Alzheimer’s disease. Michael told me I don’t have to carry the presentation, next day my senior took up the other two topics. The visit to the old age home was nice. They were very sweet and I had lots of fun. My prof got us some biscuits and chocolates, and we got some chocolate from the old age home too

I went to my friend’s birthday party today. It was all very impromptu but it was a lot of fun. We had good food, good drinks, and a good time. The place was absolutely beautiful, and the vibe was excellent. It was raining and it’s stormy today, the wind is still howling.

My department opened a clinic, open to all. My classmates and I went to help out but the room was overcrowded so we got kicked out I’ll register next week. I’ve been excitedly telling the other girls at the hostel about it. Hello! We now have a psychological clinic in college! Open to all! Second floor management building! Do visit us

I did think of something deep and thoughtful to write here, but I’m in too high spirits to go inwards rn XD I’m having fun and I’ll get the most out of this dopamine and adrenaline that’s coursing through my veins for now.

Belial is teaching me baneful, so I keep getting targets.

I got Lord Belial a white rose. I would put blood on it, but I don’t get blood with the lancet yet. I’ll try again tho. Offered King Paimon some corn I got today. That’s all for this entry everyone. I hope you all have a good day!

[Onyo]

20th August, 2022

I have made mistakes before, everyone has. But there are some days when I question if I was at fault or if I take the blame off of someone else’s shoulders. While people usually try to put their blame on others, I grew up blaming myself for most things so that I wasn’t giving anyone an opportunity to scold me for it. Sometimes that habit comes out of it’s grave, by me being overly empathetic or taking accountability to such deep depths that the word itself looses meaning.

Love is the superior emotion for a reason, it’s the highest frequency also, for a reason. The rest is cause and effect.

1. xyz said did something that I don’t like(cause), therefore I’m angry(effect).

2. going to xyz place puts my safety at risk (cause), therefore I’m wary/afraid/fearful (effect).

3. xyz betrayed me in the past (cause), hence I hate (effect).

4. xyz hurt me (cause), hence I feel pain/sad (effect)

Think of any emotion, there will be a cause and effect.

xyz did this (cause), therefore this happened (effect). xyz is to blame.

But love has no cause and effect. It surpasses all. You can love someone, or something, without reason. It doesn’t mean that love doesn’t have a cause and effect within itself, but that it can still exist beyond it. It is overwhelming, it is humongous like that extra fluffly teddy bear at the corner of the store which is wayyy out of budget and might be a hassle to clean, but everyone loves love. Everyone wants love. To seek it outside, you must have it within.

Yesterday was a good day, but I’ve been dealing with bitter feelings too. Doubt, anger, jealousy, betrayal. When it comes to a level that feels like my blood is boiling I feel like my skin is on fire. But I don’t fight it, not anymore. I let it pass, or save it for later, or give it to my servitor to transmute it. Then, I sit down and reflect on those feelings.

I have not been consistent with Hekate. At all. I owe her an apology for it, I would not be surprised if she’s upset with me for this. I knew this would be a challenge, but I can choose to stop, or tweak a few things and push through. If a schedule doesn’t work, it’s best to discard it. It is time I discard my schedule, it is not helping me.

A function happened at our house today, officially kicking off preparations for my sister’s wedding. I don’t care about it, nor do I give a fuck. I just, want her to leave. It may sound extremely harsh to some, but it is not. I, am tired of her, and if you’re a good friend you’ll know what I’m saying. I wish her well, but the time for us to go our separate ways is coming soon, and I’m counting down the days for it to happen.

21st August, 2022
12:55

Continuing this draft from yesterday. I had a big emotional purging today morning. I feel a little lighter and a bit more at peace. Spending time with my lover today and relaxing. I’ve been enjoying playing chess. I invoked King Paimon last night, I’m working on some sigil magick. I put my lapis lazuli pendant to cleanse today.

I will be concluding this entry here, so that I don’t tangle the thoughts here more than they already are. I hope everyone has a good day.

[Onyo]

A re-cap of my qlipphoth pathworking because ya girl keeps forgetting to write it down in her book of shadows. I’m just copy pasting, no editing.

Gamaliel

Day 1

20th February, 2022
21:52

Today is…well. There is too much laundry that has piled up and my desk is very messy which I’m not liking tbh. It’s not as messy as lasr time tho.

I finished my assignments in the evening. Thw thing is, last night I was dissociating. For those who don’t know what it means: it’s like having an out of body experience. But it’s not astral projection or anything, it’s extremely unpleasant and uncomfortable.

For the past two nights before I fell asleep I’ve been having these visions? I don’t even know if I’m being shown those or if I’m making that up. But they were so…uncomfortable. It was very unpleasant. Nothing translated here physically but it was quite jarring to say the least.

I was having a gut feeling that said I initiated into the qliphoth. I brushed it off thinking that I haven’t done any ritual so it’s not possible. At lunch time I reached out to Belial asking him if I was initiated without me even knowing. A second later my friend pointed outside the window, and lo and behold, a cat sitting outside.

We don’t have cats in our hostel. Only squirrels and crows.

My friend offered to do a rune reading to confirm if something like this had happened. And he did get a positive reading, as in, yes.

I was shocked and confused. Partly because it was very out of the blue and well, I wasn’t even aware of it all?! Wtf?!

Lilith and Belial are extremely present rn. I don’t feel Lilith around too much but Lord Belial.

He did say he would be back.

I was definitely very intimidated, partly still am of everything that is happening. I don’t have full control of what I see when I’m going to sleep at night. I’m waking up in the middle of my sleep, my dreams are almost lucid. The things I saw, I don’t know if I should write them here? They’re pretty graphic

I’m doing the summary thing here, because hey if it is the qliphoth I sure as hell wilk document it all lol, but um, trigger warning: (they’re all sexual)

Summary
Summary
The night of 18th, I saw myself tied to a bed. I tried to get up but my hands were tied.
I was wearing a simple white dress, only one layer. The room was dark. Then a creature? Idk wtf it was. It was short, fair and seemed to have like 4/8 legs? The creature climbes onto the bed and went on to try to have sex with me. My feet were free so I kicked it away. It came back up and held my leg down and tried to get closer. I struggled against it’s grip but I couldn’t get free.

I started to get scared now. I called Lucifer. Nothing. I called Michael. Nothing. I started to try to ground my own power and resisted against the ties on my hand.

I felt myself cycle between fear and sheer anger. Getting weak and getting strong. Getting weak and getting strong. This went on for how long, I don’t know. What happened after, I don’t know. I only remember seeing the creature walk out of the room.

The night of 19th, i.e last night. Because I do not wish to disclose, I will keep the name of the spirit anonymous. Let’s call them X. X is very close to me. I saw myself naked on X’s lap. X was also naked. I have had a sexual experience with a spirit before, but this one I only had control over to some extent and not fully. X was sitting on a big chair with their hands on my hips. One hand of mine was around their neck, and the other was running over their body. X bit my neck. I don’t remember what happened next. I remember trying to? idk what the word for it is? I was trying to get on X’s dick but I got scared and stopped. I felt my heartbeat in my ears and immediately fell forward.

I saw both X comforting me, and also me continuing to try and fuck anyways. It was violent and aggressive and not passionate and lustful. It was like X and I would both dissolve into each other or bite each other like animals. Feral, would be the way to put it. But then again, I don’t remember much of this either.

I don’t know which sphere I’m in, to properly do the ritual for it. I have limited resources here. I cannot evoke, I cannot light incense because my roommate has asthma. The only thing I can do is medidate and dreamwork. I cannot afford books because I don’t want to overspend the small budget I have. I only have Vk’s qliphoth book which is free on his wordpress. I will be meditating to Belial after I post this, so that I can ask him about…this​:sparkles:

I cannot say that I’m unfazed by it all. I almost got trust issues with Lucifer and Michael before understanding/accepting that whatever happened was to make me realize my own strength and to use it.

I was feeling nauseous in the afternoon. I couldn’t comprehend what I was writing in my assignment. I don’t even know if what I submitted makes any sense. It was a half dissociative state. Hella weird.

The King Paimon necklace broke I pulled too hard and the string broke. It was a weak knot anyways. I will re-tie it.

Man I have a viva tomorrow if I’m in this dissociative state I’ll be in trouble * nervous chuckle*.

The biggest struggle I have right now with this energy shift is not the shift itself. I mean it is, but more than that it’s physically feeling the resistance I have to this shift. I try to let go but the past version of me feels like it’s trying to tighten it’s grip. It’s almost suffocating and heavy. I feel it will bring physical changes with it as well.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Just talked with Lord Belial.

B: Your resolve is still weak. But that’s okay, we will work on that.

During the meditation I saw a being connect this big cord to my heart chakra trying to drain my energy. I tried to break it but I might as well asked a toddler to do it, my movements were weak af I couldn’t bring the strength from inside out, or build it up like I do in anger where I’ve broked things in the past.

I got hit with waves of heat during the meditation. Like burning heat. I also kept hearing “gamaliel. gamaliel. gamaliel.”

i also got a visual of how I’ll be proceeding. I can’t take out my BoS rn, so I’ll be downloading a pic and mapping it out. I’ve asked Belial to guide me in my dreams.

And now I’m starting to feel hungry again. I literally had dinner 2 hours ago

Day 2

21 February, 2022
20:53

Gamaliel, Day?

I did not have many visions before going to sleep last night, but I had vivid dreams. In the first, a friend of 5 years was telling me that we’ve grown a lot, and suggested parting ways because of how different we have become. In the second, was a girl I dearly loved in high school. I truly loved her, and I felt it when I saw her in the dream.

I had confessed my feelings to her, but she had said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, so we stayed friends. She doesn’t talk much these days, and she’s stuck in a hellhole of her own home. And I tried doing something to help but I couldn’t.

In the dream we were at a huge hotel which looked like an apartment complex. I followed her as she went through elevators and staircases. To her house, there was a rope ladder leading to the main door. She went up first, and when I was at the final step grabbed my hand and pulled me up. The ladder was being held by a stick, and others while climbing too.( There was also my high school class teacher/home room teacher there, who gave me this card thing to swipe so I could use the elevators.)

I help the stick for the others, but the ladder came off and fell.

Inside her house were also a lot of people, she was wearing white. Everything felt so real. The soft fabric of the carpets and furniture, her curly hair and big eyes.

I don’t remember what we talked. I remember holding her close, kissing her and her bidding farewell. Then I left after saying goodbye to both her and the teacher.

I don’t have romantic feelings for her anymore, but there are still remnants of what things were like back then. I don’t have feelings for the current her, we have grown apart quite drastically. But she has been an extremely major part of my life.

In the third dream I was giving a test, but the invigilator was my hostel warden. I kept zoning out and forgetting to write when answering the test. Knowing half of it, but I wasn’t able to comprehend what I was writing.

It was an open classroom under trees.

After breakfast today, I did the initiation rite for Gamaliel. It didn’t require much except a cup or bottle or anything for any choice of liquid. I chose to use my yellow mug and water. The rite also required to call a patron demon. I called on Belial for it.

At first I felt extremely heavy. Like I was a rock. After drinking the water, I felt extremely nauseous. I almost gagged. Then I felt light headed for a short time. In my mind’s eye I saw Lilith appear before me. Then I felt like I was falling down, like being plunged into water. Then I felt hot, like fire. You know the heat that radiates from a fire? That.

I touched my skin but it felt normal. I was not sweating either. But it was so fucking hot.

I earlier thought that it wasn’t powerful or strong enough, partly because I was also interrupted in the middle of the ritual and couldn’t vibrate the names. But while doing my laundry I thought to myself that, hey, you don’t get hot and feel what you did on a regular basis. This is different. This worked.

I then saw Belial, sitting on a stone inside a big cave. There was puddles and pools of water here and there, and also the sound of water droplets. This is Gamaliel. He was waiting for me to get free so he could “show me around”. It wasn’t until after lunch that I was free and we went around. There were so many rocks and it looked very humid. Idk what this sphere is supposed to look like, but that is what it is like for me.

I’m to stay in a sphere till I have learned all that I need to know. It can be as short as a day to as long as a month. And it might be different for each sphere.

This is the route:

I had a class today which I didn’t feel like attending so I didn’t. I had my viva today and completely blanked out at a question. I was asked to think of an experiment and tell them what the different variables would be. My head was completely blank. I couldn’t think of anything at all, and I was feeling tired and a little nauseous already. The prof encouraged me to think, I somehow managed to answer.

Aside from that little hiccup, I think I did well

My biggest struggle is with my own sense of power. I fear if I think of myself highly I will become arrogant and ignorant. I do not think of myself lowly either. I think, average. Average is good. But this too, has unconsciously made me think that average=not good enough.

Studies? Average.
Art? Average.
Magick? Average.

I do not think that I have a chance of being even a tiny bit above average at anything, and also because I fear I’ll become an arrogant hypocrite if I do think of myself that way. I’m still learning to find that balance of having confidence in my own abilities and still being humble.

There was something King Paimon had told me through another friend when I was going through an extremely difficult time in my life. I understand what he meant much better today. What he said still rings true for me today.

When I woke up today I felt like I had grown taller, and that my shoulders were more square? Something felt different for sure. As my energy changes, so does my body. I have to take enough rest for it to happen.

My mother is worried about my health because I got my period this soon. Today is the 3rd day, but I only told her about it today. They’re happening a bit too soon than they usually do, but I am not experiencing anything out of the ordinary like body pain or something.

But that initiation did make me nauseous ngl. I still get waves of nausea now.

Next month are my semester exams, and also will mark my time of practicing for a whole year now Two when I count the time I spent only reading and being very love amd light. That is my cringe phase I will be taking with me to the grave like my username in 4th grade.

I haven’t meditated today and honestly, I cannot do it. I took a nap in the afternoon while listening to this:

Audio Spell Music Meditation · Rest Well & Restoring Sleep Frequency (9 Hours Audio)

That’s all for this entry. I will be sleeping soon. I hope everyone has a good day!

edit: I’m trying to sleep but my 3rd eye is pulsing like crazy. I will cover my head tomorrow.

Day 3

22/2/2022
21:18

Gamaliel, Day 2

Today was, after a long time, a good day. Before I get into it, a recollection of last night:

The starting of what I saw, I will not disclose. It is not graphic or sexual, but it is something personal I’d like to keep between Lord Belial and me. I slept early yesterday, and my roommates were talking so I didn’t completely fall asleep. As I was drifting into sleep though, I felt myself in a sphere, a bubble.

I felt myself falling into it. Like I was falling down from a height. I felt strong winds, like it would blow me away. Then I felt like I dropped again, another level. This happened twice, I think. Each time as intense as the first.

I think I saw something like a gate, the border of the gate was of light, like a halo. But the inside was dark. As I passed through it, I felt the wind.

I don’t remember my dream completely. I only remember that I was traveling again, and that Lucifer was somewhere in the background for a few moments. I met him for a few minutes today while I was hanging my clothes to dry. He didn’t say anything, only wished me luck and left. I do miss talking to him, just passing the time listening to music with him, but I also need to focus on my growth.

Since today morning, I’ve been feeling like I need to start the path to Lilith (the sphere). Although I do feel like I haven’t spent a lot of time here, I need to take into account that I was probably initiated before I even became aware of it. I will do some journalling in my BoS, to actually see what the difference has been between last week me and this week me to understand what my progress has been in Gamaliel, and what it has been about.

I covered my head after my classes today morning and the amount of relief I felt has been incredible.

BALG user Susanne, please don’t read my journal before bed.

The weird legged creature came again, trying to have sex with me again. I thought, okay. Let’s see what it wants to do. I relaxed completely, without straining against the ties. He climbed up again, he tried to enter me again. Fine, do it. Then when he started I casually started to drain his energy. I visualized him getting sucked dry like a raisin and continued to pull energy from it as much and as smoothly as I could. Till he eventually hurried to break contact with me and leave. The ropes keeping my wrists tied dissolved and I left the room.

Now obviously, I had time to think and plan all this. I think the real test would be if all of this happened impromptu To have the presence of mind to do this. You don’t really have your senses with you in a state of panic.

I’m curious to see what today’s dreams will be like. I need to finish an assignment before I sleep, so I’ll hopefully be tired so I can go directly to dreamland.

When I went to dry my clothes the warden asked me if I did my laundry and I answered yes, and she replied,“Ooo good girl” and I’m thinking okay, thank you?

It’s just weird, because she thought I don’t know how to wash clothes

I got something:

I meditated to Lilith today morning. I couldn’t focus because my mind was racing.

The fidget toy I got has been extremely helpful. I’m finally not pulling my hair and hopefully my bald spot gets covered

I didn’t do any rituals today. I don’t have a set of matches But I did listen to some solfeggio frequencies. I added a few drops of heart chakra oil I had got to my bath oil.

I think this is all for this entry. As always, if I remember anything, I’ll reply to this. I hope everyone has a good day!

Tunnel

24th February, 2022
9:38

Initiating through the tunnel connecting Gamaliel and Nahemoth

The way I initiated myself is by drawing the sigil on my left hand, and holding the receptacle on my right. Initiating through the tunnel only requires the sigil.

As I walked forward I saw a sphere behind me. and a sphere in front. Belial already standing in front of the entrance to Nahemoth. The path seemed like a road built upon the ocean. If the ocean’s water was dark, bloody and a little more viscous than normal water. I also saw what seemed like limbs or bones which reminded me of pirate ship ruins they show in the movies. The atmosphere is dense.

I think I see a gold embossed tarot card above me, but I can’t tell if it is The Chariot or The Hermit.

Day 4

24th February, 2022
22:02

Tomorrow, I initiate myself to Nahemoth/Lilith.

I didn’t update yesterday because my friends and I were watching a movie and I fell asleep.

I’ve been switching up my schedule. I walk around for some time after breakfast listening to solfeggio frequencies till my friends wake up and come down for breakfast (i wake up before them). Then I do my laundry and then I take a bath. Then I sit down. If I’m able to work, I work. If not, I watch one video or another or read a book.

We’ve started exercising every evening because we are having a lot of potato in our diet at the hostel.

The past 2 days have been incredibly tiring for me, I keep my head covered because if I’m not then I feel heavily drained and lethargic. I need to improve my defenses, but it feels like such a heavy task to do that I’m unable to gather the energy to do it.

I will be lying if I said I don’t miss my other guides too. I miss just sitting with King Paimon and chilling with him. I miss chatting and making jokes with Michael. I miss the “lighter” parts? I miss the fun stuff. But this part is also necessary. This is also necessary so that I grow.

I miss having the privacy to do spells or evocations. I can do petitions, but I keep forgetting to buy matches

Anyways, that is all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

[Onyo]

Nahemoth

Day 1

February 25th, 2022

22:03

Nahemoth, Day 1

Initiated into Nahemoth today morning a few minutes after I woke up. I told Lord Belial I’d do it after breakfast, but I had time and everyone was sleeping so I took the chance.

The initiation was fine, I didn’t feel anything different.

The day-shift guard of our hostel is creepy. Even the night-shift guard thinks that. She used to walk around and look inside the rooms. I’d be sitting on the bed doing nothing but I’d still feel like I’m committing a crime. She used to check our bags after we came back after going out. And I don’t mean just peering in, she used to rummage around till the warden told her not to do that. They removed the good guards and brought…her.

We were going out to get some snacks in the evening (which was absolutely fucking delicious, we got momos). We were supposed to leave at 6 but my friend was a little late and we left at 6:20. I was already agitated by that time because I don’t like to wait for someone after a time has been decided. While we were writing in the records before leaving another girl came down, and the guard started telling her to fix her clothes because her bra strap was showing?

First it was the warden not liking the fact that my friend wore a night dress once, because it only went till the knees. Why? Because there were men there, what would they think? While we understand the concern for safety, we’re literally inside the hostel. And how long do we keep covering ourselves for “men”? Pervs will be pervs no matter the clothes.

The warden doesn’t like us wearing shorts because the chefs are men. The chefs, who treat us as children and dote on us to make sure we’re eating healthy and are not falling sick.

To add to that the guard was downright insulting. I got so fucking angry I felt like breaking her teeth and sucking out her energy then and there. But before I could unconsciously/accidentaly send out I reigned in my thoughts. The irritability I was feeling was pushing me towards becoming aggressive.

Whie waiting for our food to arrive, I felt Lord Belial. He told me to invoke him later, and after he said that I saw a rotund kitty walking on the roof of the opposite store.

After eating and chatting, I sat down to meditate and invoke. My roommates know that I meditate, so they don’t disturb me when I’m meditating or doing any readings.

1 hr+ | Belial Ritual/Meditation Music By V.K. Jehannum & pavleisdead

This is the audio I was using. I first got into a light trance then sinked deeper. I saw Lord Belial sitting on a throne like chair. He was quite far, so I walked closer. At first I couldn’t feel anything, so I focused to feel something. There was a wave of energy, first a little strong then it had a bit of sexual energy.

Now Lord Belial and his sexual energy, especially around women, is not anything unheard of. Although I’ve felt it rarely, this time being one of them, I don’t really have any sexual interest in him.

I usually follow the invocation method C Kendall had shared, but Lord Belial told me to do something else instead. I focused on my surroundings, I expanded my awareness around me to where Lord Belial’s energy was and breathed that in. This is a little similar to how I do vampyrism so I don’t really know how it was different but it was different.

Then I saw the figure of Lord Belial in front of me get pulverized into energy which I also breathed in. This continued till I could not take in any more energy. I felt like I was a balloon and the energy kept expanding, pushing at the limits of my energy body.

I sometimes gained awareness of my body, sometimes I felt like I was observing myself from a viewer’s point of view.

After the invocation and me discussing with him how I wanted the day guard out, I opened my eyes. Do you ever feel weird flexing your hands after an invocation? It feels like I got back something new and I’m re-learning how to use it.

One of the things I like to do after every invocation is to take a picture. I had noticed drastic differences after invoking Azazel, and now with Belial. I will invoke Lilith some day too, and I really can’t comprehend how amazing that would be. The eyes for me, are the most important. So here they are, after invoking Lord Belial:

I feel stronger. I feel more me. But I need to be aware of which thoughts I’m giving my energy and attention to. My emotions are extremely strong and reach a peak extremely quick, if I use it well it will amplify and add to my intentions.

I’m looking forward to what tonight’s dream will be like. I have a feeling they’ll be interesting.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 2

27th February, 2022

18:48

Nahemoth, Day 2

Regular Everyday Normal MotherFucker Lyrics

Yesterday was very weird. I had taken a nap and had an extremely vivid dream. I think it unearthed a kink in me which I wasn’t aware of, it was something that I consciously do not like. So, that was something.

Last night’s dream too, was weird.

If you’ve seen Modern Family, then you know the cast. I was picking up something with Manny and Jay, but the Jay was a fake Jay. The real Jay passed by another van. I punched the fake Jay on the face and injured him. The van slowed down and we kicked him outside the van. Real Jay met up with us. Gloria had booked a surprise vacation for him to Colombia, but the whole family decided to go and Jay worried about his wallet.

Back at “home”, it was a big, rich household. There was a kid from the mountains there, but I believe after one point I became the mountain kid. (My house is in a town with hills, from the terrace you can see those hills and the clouds, but the land is not elevated to be considered a hilly region or a mountaineous region).

I was the kid who everyone gave tasks to do, but no one appreciated or noticed it. It was always too less, while the others partied. I think it hinted to how I felt during my teen years. I carried a lot of the emotional weight for the family, compromised on a few things (rejected going out with friends, didn’t ask my parents to buy me stuff I wanted), and also how my sister got everything she wanted. My parents never said no to her because she would get angry or sad, and they’d rather buy her the thing than bear that.

While my sister still thinks she didn’t have enough luxuries growing up, my relationship with money became extremely unhealthy. I either get too scared to spend, or spend too much.

Coming back to the dream, there was also an old man there. Sort of like the “head” of the household? He was one of the partying people. He called the mountain kid because he went to the mountains and couldn’t handle the terrain, he was in pain.

The man’s knee was swollen, and he was calling to the mountain kid for help. The man was being treated by a mountain man, who was probably a shaman. He was smiling as the party man cried in pain.

The only way I could link it, was that my mother has arthritis in her hip. And she often mentions how difficult it is to deal with my sis and dad when I’m not home, as I was the one she vented to since I was a kid. She tells me everything because she believes I don’t understand any of it.

And the dream sort of ended there.

I’m going about my day without covering my head now. I’m also learning to gather physical strenght from the inside instead of relying on anger.

I qualified for the interview for the internship. It is on Tuesday.

Today was a busy day. I finally finished writing one practical today, 3 more to go :'D

I also made a ppt for tomorrow’s class. It is also a practical, we need to collect data. Unlike the other ones we did, we can do it online. My family is tired of being my subjects Luckily, this one isn’t as tiring. Tomorrow is the final day of my first semester My exams end on 15th March, after which I’ll be a 2nd semester student

I gave an offering to Lucifer last night, and I have another offering to make to Lord Belial soon.

Yesterday, a senior complained to the Hostel administrator about our warden, and the guard we don’t like, her shift has changed to night time so we won’t be seeing much of her. I will do a working on it soon.

Anyways, that’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 3

28th February, 2022

20:05

Nahemoth, Day 3

My head hurts and I’m hungry. My head is also feeling heavy. I will be sleeping soon after dinner.

When I was brushing my teeth after i woke up, I heard the now ex-guard on the phone with the college administration. I couldn’t understand anything because I don’t speak the local language here. But the college admin didn’t sound too happy. A few hours later I came to know that that guard won’t be working here anymore, and that they’re bringing back the good guard. So that was good.

I bought lancets today because I wanted to offer some blood to Lord Belial. I wanted only one for now, but the pharmacist gave me a box instead which cost me 125.

M: This cost more than I expected.

B: It’ll suffice for a long time (I hadn’t checked how many were there)

M: Still :3

B: …it will suffice

When I came back to my hostel room I saw that it was a box of 25. So…yeah it would suffice.

I made a new sigil and went to the bathroom to try it out. But I couldn’t prick myself properly and got no blood. I didn’t push it, I put the cap back on and threw it. I’ll be trying again tomorrow.

I was pretty anxious at first but then my friend said to check out something she had sent on ig. So I went there and saw that a guy from my class (who I liked) posted a story. He rarely posts, so I thought of checking it out and there were pics with another girl (our classmate) with a heart and all and…yep. It distracted me enough to not give a fuck.

I forgot to buy matches again but I got lancets.

I put a stick of cinnamon in my purse (got them from the chefs). I wanted to draw a sigil on a bay leaf and put it in my purse too but my intuition told me not to, so I didn’t.

Anyways, that’s all for this entry. If my headache doesn’t go down tomorrow I’ll have to take medicine. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 4

1st March, 2022

22:09

Last night’s dream, was…interesting. I had fallen asleep with Belial’s sigil in my gown’s pocket. It started with my mother and me at my school. There was an event going on and I was watching it while sitting on a ladder. The ladder had narrow steps which flattened to seats. The seats were mirror-like i.e I could see my reflection.

The ladder went through the floor, there was a gap specifically for the ladder. The seat-step was a little above the floor level. My mum wanted to move the ladder while I was sitting on it. I got irritated and told her to wait then I moved the ladder myself.

After that we went somewhere else. There were a lot of ropes there and I saw my mum got tangled. I told her to calm down and not move around so that I could untangle her. She didn’t listen and kept moving and started to get irritated at me. I got angry, dropped all the ropes and walked away. I had a glimpse of my higher self when I dropped the ropes. For a split second.

After this I saw an internet friend of mine. I’ve been friends with her for almost 4 years now, she’s younger than me. I walked her to her class and talked to her to calm down.

Now because she is younger, I was extremely careful about what I told her and more specifically how I told her. After I dropped her off to class I saw the teacher I used to go to school with in the same auto. She was there in the previous mountain dream too. This time she lovingly patted my cheek and asked me if I had money to go home. I smiled and told her that I did.

Then BALG was a building? Then there was a guy named Zathura or something that was looking for Darkest Knight? He had a box for him that DK set aside which transported the guy back to where he came from. Then he came back with the same box and someone else, I think Mike Bee, greeted him, escorted him to DK and they became friends and clinked their glasses as they drank salty river water…

Idk what to make of that second part of the dream.

Now my roommate has a big cylindrical pillow. I call it a daalish, idk what it’s called in English. I woke up in between my sleep and in the darkness that pillow looked like my dog and I was scared for a second. Because I was shocked that my doggo was sleeping with me, then I blinked my eyes and saw it was a pillow

I initiated into the tunnel leading to Samael. I feel like my time at Nahemoth is coming to an end. Although it has only been the sphere’s energies and Lord Belial, I didn’t do much with Namaah, but there was some me getting familiar with me.

Something just landed on my pillow!

The ex-guard was here for some time, but she left soon. She’ll probably be on off for a while till the other guard comes back.

The King Paimon necklace I made has faded. I needed to do some touch up and seal it when I go home.

I made a drawing for Lilith today. I enjoyed working with ink. I love it. So much.

I was really missing Lucifer today. I didn’t call him, because I knew the whats and whys of what it is right now. He has his reasons and concerns, and I understand and respect that.

In Nahemoth, I have become aware of the impact I have among my peers. I have become more careful with the information I disclose, about my tone and the intentions that lace my words when I speak them. Extremely aware.

Anyways, that’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 5

3rd March, 2022

20:10

I was fine half the day but now I’m extremely tired. I probably need to eat, but Idk. I studied a bit this morning but nothing more. My head is drawing up a blank but it’s still so chaotic. I feel like there are empty thoughts racing in my head.

I haven’t done the initiation rite for Samael. I didn’t do anything today, and am sort of feeling bad about it because I’m getting second hand stress from my roommates for the exam. We have a mock test tomorrow but idk the timing for it, what i need to do, etc.

Oh dear. That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day.

Exam break.

Samael

Day 1

9th March, 2022

21:29

Initiation into Samael

I went to my profile so I could find this journal. Sometimes I just tap on any notification if there are any of this journal and go directly from there. Today I tapped on my profile and out of curiosity, read my first two entries. It was a (good) interesting experience. Ironic how I praised potatoes in my 2nd entry and now I’m getting potatoes everyday

My friends and I have developed a routine, after dinner we braid each other’s hair while we chat. It’s good, I consider it to be a good feminine bonding exercise.

My stressful exam is over, so now I’m a little relieved and back to the Qliphoth. I didn’t like taking a break but it was really necessary.

I told my friends to not wait for me when they went down for dinner. When I had the room to myself, I did a banishing. Then I initiated myself into the Qliphoth.

As I chanted I saw in my mind’s eye a giant, black sphere in front of me. With each chant the sphere got a little line and it spread as it formed a gate and light poured through it before it stopped. When the time came to drink from the receptacle, I drank from my cup as usual. Then it felt like I was chugging something. I saw a hand grab my jaw but it didn’t look like I was drinking water. It ended when the water in my cup was empty, I remember the face of who grabbed my jaw, maybe it was Andramalech? Idk.

I just know that I’m looking forward to tonight’s dream.

I was feeling tense today morning because I dreamt that I missed a train because of which I had to go back home. I didn’t like it, I’m gonna go home next week and I’m already thinking about when I can come back.

Tomorrow is my final theory paper, then the practical on Monday. Then I’ll be done with sem 1!

Anyways, that’s all for today’s entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 2

10th March, 2022

21:22

Samael, Day 2

TW//

Susanne please don’t read my journal before bed

My exams were being conducted online and we have to keep our camera on. It’s a rule that no one should be behind us or around us during the exam. I dreamt that my roommates were dancing behind me while I gave the exam and I was scared of having my paper cancelled so I was trying to shift my laptop so the camera only covered me.

Before I went to sleep, I saw a disturbing video.

Summary

It was a guy who saw a girl get drugged and being taken away by a bunch of men. The guy didn’t know what to do so he reported it to the police.

I was feeling unsettled, I talked to a friend after which I felt a little better. As I went to sleep though, some of my bad experiences started popping up and I felt even more uneasy. The ex showed up to my house unannounced when I hadn’t even given my address (I don’t remember if we were even together that time, but I was uncomfortable with him just showing up).

Then another ex who got really fucking obsessive, then the times I was cat called when I was younger, then the times creepy old dudes asked for my number, then the time a senior at school touched my shoulder and went away.

The worst part about all this is, as a young girl who’s even the slightest bit of romantic knowlege came from movies and what not (and this isn’t only me), even some teens and grown women, you think being complimented or validated by a male is good. I was a kid, kids don’t know. None of these happened after I got into high school (except the number thing).

We do have a number, and when I used to come back from school he’d pick the exact moment to get out of his house. He tried to ask for my number once, and he was after my sister when she was in school. He had learned the times I came back and I changed my schedule because I wanted to avoid him. I always carried my thermos so that if he tried something I could hit him. My sis and I absolutely despise him but our mum still smiles because “he’s our neighbor”.

Anyways, I know better now. And also tell my juniors what to look out for.

I made a drawing today and that’s about it. I’m getting into art again now that my head has less things to worry about.

I guess this is all for this entry. I shall take this time off. Good night everyone, I hope you have a good day!

Day 3

11th March, 2022

19:33

Samael, Day 3

Today has been, wild. I’ve been tired since morning and absolutely nothing helped. It started with me feeling dizzy after breakfast, then getting a headache since lunch. I took a nap, but we had a class at 3 which we were told about close to lunch, but the prof said it would start at 3. The class was for collecting data for an experiment, we need data from another prof but she’s on leave. I could only get a half hour nap but it didn’t help.

Then I wanted ice cream, so I went with my friend. My friend didn’t know the shop, I did. But I forgot where it was so we walked wayy ahead and then she told me we crossed an ice-cream shop. Then I overpaid and we had to get an extra ice-cream.

I kept replying the opposite thing to people on whatsapp and was absolutely losing it. It was so fucking chaotic.

I drank a lot of water and sat down to work. I wrote a bit of my file then I stopped. I made myself some coffee, which also doesn’t help me. I honestly don’t know why I made it. I just wanted that sugar. Then I again drank a lot of water.

I’m still tired, I still have a headache. But my files still aren’t complete.

I just wanna have dinner and call it a day.

The Qliphoth is tiring

Anyways, that’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day.

Day 4

12th March, 2022

9:06

A weird dream experience

I wanted to write this asap, in case I forget details by my usual time which is after dinner or before it.

I was going out with my friends and we were walking on a street. I suddenly felt my eyes getting pulled, like when you’re sleep deprived pull, and noticed that I was just swaying and walking with my eyes closed. I told my friends to look out for me because I was walking with my eyes closed, I sometimes only opened them to see the ground.

After I said that though, I saw a cinematic vision of sorts, of me standing in between huge screens who showed the surrounding, but in front of me it was still dark.

I was there, I was sensing touch, sound, and wind and stuff like that, except vision. And my body was being run by someone else while I sat as an audience. I have never been possessed, but I thought it’d be something like this.

I felt myself sitting on someone’s lap, curled up like I was sleeping. Whoever it was, was holding my hand. When I moved my hand out, they gently tapped the back of my palm to hold and squeeze my hand again. I then saw a few horse running past us, to the left. I fell asleep again and took back the control of my body, and I found myself wake up at my house.

It was 6:20am ib the house, and I was sleeping in my study room. I woke up there to see that everyone was busy with their chores and my sister had went out.

I had another dream out of this, but I don’t remember the details.

12th March, 2022

20:11

Samael, Day 4

Today was a pleasant day. The time is nearing for me to move out of this sphere. I have found that whenever I get some sunlight after breakfast, even if it’s for 5 minutes and hot, I don’t get as tired.

I went shopping with my friends today. I bought some earrings, and also got something for my guides:

I finished writing one file today, after dinner I will finish another. Then another tomorrow and finally submit it.

Apart from last nights’s dream there isn’t much. I fell deeply asleep and then woke up in the middle of the night. Exchanged a few words with Lord Belial, and went back to sleep.

Anyways that’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Tunnel

13th March, 2022

23:21

Initiating through the tunnels of Set (Gamaliel and Samael, Samael and Herab Seraphel

Hot, hot, hot. The amount of heat I’ve been feeling from Qliphothic energies makes me feel like I am the furnace. It comes from the inside.Yesterday I felt like my clairvoyance is developing. If I looked at someone I could see what the color of their auras are, but not actually seeing it. I saw their aura white, while I knew the colors. Very odd but cool experience.

Am I pushing by initiating through 2 tunnels at the same time with my viva exam tomorrow? Maybe.

But it’s in the morning, so it’ll be fine. I scanned and uploaded 55 pages twice today, it is fine. It will be fine.

While brushing my teeth today I asked Lord Belial why the Qliphoth has been feeling easy (disregarding the fact that there have been times I felt like I was bordering insanity). It got me a look for sure. But he also said it’s because I’ve done quite a bit of shadow work, so the things I have worked through I’m gonna have an easier time with. For things I didn’t, it’ll be difficult. For example, I had a difficult time in Gamaliel.

I was testing my mic in Ms Teams because it wasn’t working in the previous class, so it wasn’t working at all. Then I talked to a friend aand she recommended installing it on my phone. I almost panicked but after 45 minutes of struggle it worked. I initiated myself into the tunnels after, and will be going to sleep after I post this.

I drew the sigil for the initiation on my hand and my friend said it looked like the dog from Ninja Hattori

A friend from school pointed out that I’ve always been a little cool and harsh. Like soft but still very harsh, and that I never threw around words carefully. That she was scared of me, and scared of upsetting me. And that she also made sure the people she was close with didn’t upset me.

It felt weird. From 6th-7th grade I was a very violent girl. Like getting into fights violent because I always kept getting harassed by the boys and I had to throw punches else they wouldn’t listen. Trying to push me so I fall on another guy, try to look into what’s in my bag, being called names, trying to provoke me by using another guy’s name till I got irritated and upset. Eventually I decided to slap one, and then I didn’t stop till everyone understood to not try me.

The interesting part? I never got into trouble for it. Never. Not once. I threw punches and grabbed the back of shirts to keep them from moving. The strength I had back then, and the fact that I never got into trouble for it. Maybe it was Lord Belial, maybe he had some part to play in it. In me finally deciding to fight back while also keeping me out of trouble.

I stopped raising my hand after 7th grade, but I still carried that intimidation I guess. I always thought I looked like a softie ‍:female_sign: Feels good to know that I can be intimidating ngl.

I will be going home on 18th, and be back on the 21st. My mum wants me to wait till we get an official notice from college, but knowing my department we’ll get it last minute. And I don’t want any of that, and I sure as hell don’t want an extended stay. My friend’s department’s starting day has been told and it’ll be the same for us too.

I’ll be waking up tomorrow because I’m tired of all the writing, scanning and uploading I did. I shall study for the viva tomorrow morning.

I thought a lot about Kindraathe 's recent jounral entry, about what King Paimon had told him. I had a lot of revelations, half of which I can’t recall rn. But they were good. I have a different perspective to friendships now, but my feelings remain. I have understood, maybe part of what he said. But that has always been the way when it comes to whatever King Paimon had and does tell me, or by me reading what he told someone else.

We are all the same but we’re not. Humans, we’re so fucking complex.

Anyways, I’m utterly confused by my dreams but they have been fun. That’s all for this entry. Good night everyone. I hope everyone has a good day!

[Onyo]

Herab Seraphel

Initiation

15th March, 2022

23:05

Initiation into Herab Seraphel

Susanne please don’t read my journal before bed.

The 4th sphere, here we go. I was sleepy when I was initiating myself, my throat hurt a bit while vibrating the names because I lowered my pitch more than I could handle. My throat is fine though.

Last night I dreamt that I was sitting in a class of sorts outside in the open. Behind us was a tall building, and you could see a room with tubelights on. It suddenly started thundering and a few lightning strikes went inside the building through a window to hit the tubelight and it caught on fire. Then it started raining and we ran inside the building to take cover.

I was afraid of getting struck by lightning inside Because if it entered the building once it might enter again. There were a few more people, and a girl connected some cords. Then the tubelights turned on again.

In the next dreamscape I was still in the same building in another room, but it looked like my hostel room. My friends were there and I wws curled up on the bed, sleeping. I woke up and grumbled in pain, and my friends told me that they took me to a doctor and gave me my medicines, so I should be fine and to get some rest.

I looked down and saw stitches where an incision was made, on my lower abdomen. Right where an incision is made for a C-section. It looked like it had reopened because of them so I had to get stitches again, as I could still see the blood clots and the scar looked crimson red like dried blood.

I curled up again and went back to sleep. I have no clue on what the dream might be about. The only symbolism I can think of is loss.

I’m still sleepy, but I will invoke Belial after I post this. He has agreed to be my patron.

Good night everyone, I hope you have a good day!

Day 1

16th March, 2022

18:58

Herab Seraphel, Day 1

I did dream last night, but I don’t remember what it was. I do know that I did invoke King Belial after posting it (which was right before I slept). It got too hot too quick, I felt my consciousness separate a little almost instantly. I closed my eyes, relaxed while his enn played, and I saw in my mind’s eye his sigil in gold. Behind the sigil, him. Then he turned into golden powder and it got absorbed into me.

I couldn’t handle it for more than 3 minutes. I had overloaded myself too quick. First by being so sleepy that I partially couldn’t comprehend anything. Then by initiating into the next sphere, pushing myself to update the journal and deciding to do an invocation of Lord Belial.

I opened my eyes and stumbled towards my water bottle. I almost fell but I was able to balance myself. I fell asleep quite easily though. Sooo that’s a… plus point.

Today was a decent day. I played Chain Reaction and Uno with my friends. Right now though, I’m feeling a little nauseous.

I haven’t had a lot of visions or anything from this sphere, except that I only saw my higher self in a red light.

I did my friend’s nails today and that’s sort of it. I’ve just been relaxing till I have to go home on the 18th. My classes start on 23rd but I’ll be coming back on 21st, I could stay for another day but I don’t want to be there. The last time I worked with Lord Belial I got hit with everyone’s shadow self being projected at me. It was ugly af. With the Qliphoth going on I had to make the decision for my own sake.

I think this song fits Lord Belial really well:

Imagine Dragons - Believer

I booked the tickets quite early. Very early.

I have also want to eat a sweet bun

I also think I lost some weight? I’m not too sure. I was asking Lord Belial about how much weight I should lose (to be more fit, not skinny). And he asked me why the first thing that pops up is always how much weight I should lose instead of asking what to do to be stronger.

And it hit me that I kept thinking that I gained a lot of weight in the past years, and that I had equated losing weight as a way for me to get healthier. Welp.

A kite fell in our hostel today, and I had a happy time playing with it. I had washed my hair and went to hang my laundry. The wind was blowing and I decided to dry my hair a little bit standing there. The sun, the wind, I felt very pretty

Anyways, that’s all for this entry. I have been itching to make some art or craft but I don’t have my colors here :3 I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 2

17th March, 2022

22:26

Herab Seraphel, Day 2

Played Holi. Lunch was bad, dinner was good. Extremely sleepy. I don’t remember much, didn’t do much today. I’ll be home tomorrow.

Can’t decide if I should keep the window open while sleeping.

That’s all for this entry, good night everyone.

Day 3

18th March, 2022

15:02

Herab Seraphel, Day 3

I forgot to recall what my dreams were, therefore I have forgotten them. Before falling asleep, my hips and lower waist were hurting real bad physically. In my mind’s eye I saw myself on a bed, in red light, curled up and grimacing in pain as I bled. That me was on her period, and it was horrible. I physically am not on my period. I think it was a full moon yesterday? There have been days when my cycle synced up with the moon’s cycle.

The me on the bed kept passing out and waking up in cold sweat. First the stitches in that dream, now this. I was still physically hurting and I asked Michael to help me out. He has helped me with my health before. He passed some energy to me and the pain (the physical one) was gone. I was also able to fall asleep much quicker because of it.

I thought, while falling asleep, that we have ranks because we interact with each other. Like, if I was a soldier and I trained alone, I would think I’m the strongest or stronger than someone else. I wouldn’t know my rank or where I’m at until I spar with someone else. Until I compare my skillset with someone else. Ranks are good as long as they are taken positively.

I’m writing the entry now, because I’ll be home by tonight and I doubt I’ll get the chance to write. I will be asleep by 10pm if not 10:30.

I received a message from Prince Orobas yesterday, through Mike Bee. I was reflecting on it today morning, but it will take me more time to truly understand what the Prince means.

It is getting hot, please stay hydrated everyone. That’s all for this entry, I hope everyone has a good day!

edit: I forgot to add. My exam results came in. I got a GPA of 8.1! I’m very proud of myself for scoring well.

Thank you King Paimon and Lucifer for having my back and helping me study

Day 4

21st March, 2022

22:00

Herab Seraphel, Day 4

My period came, synced with the moon, and wayy too early. I am thinking it is because of the irregular lifestyle changes, but it is not good. I’m running the risk of fatigue. I have errands tomorrow.

I am surprised I was able to keep my cool today. Home was the usual, nothing new here. Everyone is the same. I don’t like asking for anything, because it gets treated like an obligation anyway. Even if my mum will get hurt if I say it, I can’t not be affected by her words. My sister thinks I treat my friends like they know nothing.

I don’t consider myself to be an arrogant brat, if I do become one may my ancestors strike me! I try my best to stay humble and keep a control on my tongue. But if someone paints me bad then so be it. I am beyond the stage where I will try to change their mind. Don’t cause me trouble, that is all.

I had planned to do some workings today, but I didn’t feel like doing anything. I am tired and I was nauseous in the evening.

I hope I am able to have enough energy for tomorrow’s errands. My back has been starting to hurt if I stand for way too long.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day

Day 5

20th March, 2022.

19:21

Idk if I should laugh or cry rn, Herab Seraphel Day 5

I busted my back. I am not going hostel tomorrow. This is all for this entry folks, I hope you have a good day.

Thagirion

Initiation/Day 1

23rd March, 2022

22:04

Initiation into Thagirion

I have delayed initiation into this sphere for quite some time. As I read the incantation I saw the walls of a black sphere glitching and opening, my eyes closed because of the intensity of the light.

Over the past few days I have been thinking about my practice and the way I go about magick. Sometimes I feel I fall short, I read someone else’s work and think that I should be doing that instead. The beauty of magick is that each path is unique to the individual, yet I keep thinking to myself that I should achieve a standard that doesn’t really exist.

I know my magick is good when I can get results, that’s how I think. I am where I am today in my career because of my magick, I have no doubts about that. Yet I keep thinking that I fall short. Just because I do something differently doesn’t mean what I do isn’t real or legit, I need to understand this. And I need to work on it. I have worked on trusting my power , now I have to trust my execution of it.

I have finally booked the ticket to go back to my hostel. I feel content now.

My back is also better, although it still hurts a little bit I can walk around and do stuff. I am avoiding lifting heavy weights for now.

There has been a lot of anger inside me these past few days as well. I want to break things pr yell. I can’t yell at home because my sis got scared the last time I did. I was really really angry yesterday. I wanted to break or just do something to get it out. We don’t have a punching bag at home so I settled for breaking a pen.

I also feel comfortable disclosing it now, that I have a spirit lover. Since quite a few months now. He is not an incubus though, and that is all I will mention here. It is not always rainbows and ponies of course, we have had fights, I have seen him angry and I have seen him cry, and I have felt each of those emotions within me as well.

I mention this, because he has supported me through some really shitty times, that includes all the stress the qliphoth sometimes gives me. He has helped me through shadow work, for finding courage, to trust myself and also scolded me when I think of doing something stupid. He has played a major role in me tapping into myself, and I am grateful for that. He is my guide, my friend and my love. And even though his bluntness stings sometimes, I wouldn’t have it for anything. So this, is a public thank you for him.

I appreciate everything you do for me. From helping me sleep to protecting me and to scolding me, and for being with me every step of the way. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I also evoked Lord Belial today. The pictures aren’t uploading. so I will try again at a later time. He was definitely there, but I felt him behind me more than I saw him in the smoke.

That is all for today’s entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 3

26th March, 2022

12:16

Thagirion, Day 3

I can’t believe it’s been three days already. I was in a waiting room of some sorts in last night’s dream. I’m not able to recall it right now, I get lazy and don’t write stuff down

I invoked King Paimon yesterday, it was oddly nostalgic. I offered him an orange lollipop.

I’ve been reading Carl Jung’s The Red Book, it’s a book based on his own spiritual journey. I’m assuming it includes his own UPGs and conclusions which will trigger my own gnosis. I admire Jung. He was my inspiration to first start reading up on psychology. As I learned more and more about this genius, I felt like I was falling in love with the subject again. It felt good.

I have my toes in many things right now, and today I started a personal project of mine. I will be doing it slowly, so that I can really get a feel of it and get the most out of it. It will take months, but that is fine. I will do it.

My back is hurting again a bit. I got very irritated and angry in the morning, it’s probably because of that.

My friend pointed out something in my vision board. One of the things I had in it was money, to draw in clients. But the currency in it was not Indian, and it explained me getting followers who were not indian. So I fixed it, I replaced it with the currency we use here.

I can’t think of anything else to add for now. So this is all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 4

27th March, 2022

12:31

Thagirion, Day 4

I am back at my hostel. This sphere, has tested how much I believe in myself and my experiences. Every time I talk of an experience with a friend (a magician friend), I go through a dilemma of send-or-delete. Everytime, before I hit the send button, I asked myself,“But did this really happen? Am I making it up?”

Am I really doing the Qliphoth? Did I really talk to Spirit X, did I really see this, did I hear that, etc. In readings, is this correct? Am I cold reading? Am I-

It goes on and on and on, and I have to shake it off.

I don’t know how the Qliphoth energies are bleeding into my physical reality, I can’t recognize them. I feel energetically stronger, I feel my body vibrating with the energy sometimes, I still doubt it.

My experiences have shaped me to be who I am. I have had both successes and failures with Magick. I don’t know why I still doubt the “reality” of them. I don’t know where this doubt is coming from.

I have been conversing with King Bael and Prince Orobas, today while in the train I meditated to Prince Orobas and spent some time with him. He gave me a few pointers, things I should work on.

That’s all for this entry. I am going to revamp my life. I hope everyone has a good day!

In between, day 5

28th March, 2022

17:15

i fight, I have to fight, I must fight.

the qliphoth has brought me new creative ideas, but it has also split apart my thoughts. like ripping in into two. to face the duality between creating and destroying.

if I create from the heart I also destroy from the heart.

if I love from the heart I also hate from the heart.

I’m finding odd synchronities in my path, when it comes to spirits. but instead of YouTube videos or posts on the forum or instagram, it is now people. people talk about what I thought of some time back. they mention the spirit I conversed with a few hours back.

My classmate was singing in class today, and she was singing beautifully.

“Why don’t you sing?”, Lucifer asked me,“You used to do it.”

“I don’t want to sing, I can’t sing”, I answered.

Maybe I used to sing in one life, I do not believe I have the vocal range now. I know a bit about music, I can recognize different notes and scales but I can’t name them. I used to be able to arrange songs by ear on my guitar, within an hour.

This is a different writing style. I think you, as the reader, can recognize this as much as I do.

Everytime someone talks about their hobbies or talents I always feel like a part of me is grieving the loss of something. I always used to tell my friends,“You die twice.”

First, you lose your passion, your love, your will.

Then, you lose your life.

I have gone through that first death multiple times. With my writing, with my art. And each time I get back to it I feel like something has breathed life into me again.

Sometimes I wish to be an artist living in the outskirts and enjoying their life, the next day I want to be a scholar who’s changing the world with their ideas. In the end, I simply wish to change the world and live my life to the fullest. It may sound wishy washy but I do not care. It is my dream, and it is upto me to fulfill it. And fulfill it I will.

Instead of being jealous, be it about anything, I’m learning to transmute this jealousy into inspiration. So I create, not always from determination driven by anger, but also by joy, love, and dedication.

My magick bleeds into my art, and my art bleeds into my magick. My words are words from my mind, and my mind is affected from the words I write. I do not know how to say this, The Red Book is like I’m looking into a mirror in a sense. I understand what Jung says, it clicks. But if I was asked to explain it to someone, I would have a difficult time finding words for it.

Thagirion, Day 5.

I was extremely sleepy today morning. I took a nap but I forgot I had class. It wasn’t scheduled in the calendar so I happily slept. I was woken up by my friend. The prof is good, and I was glad my crush is now my ex-crush.

Azazel had disapproved of him the moment I had shown interest in him. I get why now. Although my romantic interest in him is no more, I am still curious about who he is. The amount of chaos he holds inside is a lot, and you can feel it in the way he speaks, tying each word together. It is interesting.

When I finally talk to him, I will try to get to the bottom of it. Am I making a person a puzzle for me to solve? Maybe. But it’s a puzzle I’m extremely curious about. I want to see how far I can take my observation skills. It is easy to put two and two together, on why a person behaves a certain way when you understand where they come from. There are multiple perspectives to things, you have to figure out the one they have, and the one you have to have a conflict free conversation, as much as it is possible.

In compatibility this is something that works out. In incompatibility though…

I’ve worked a bit with King Paimon, on intrusive thoughts. I have to meet with my shadow.

I also will write down a few things for a pact. I still have to converse with the Spirit about a few details.

That is all for this entry, I think get a little artsy or fancy whenever I spend time with Lucifer. I hope everyone has a good day!

Golachab

tunnels and initiation

31 March, 2022

21:56

Initiation done through the tunnels of Set:

Gamaliel and Herab Seraphel

Herab Seraphel and Thagirion

Thagirion and Golachab

Initiated through Golachab

I was greeted by Aeshma when I approached the sphere, Belial standing to my left. When I read through what the Qliphas are about seeing it align with my growth makes me happy.

The tunnels of set were not initiated through in one day.

I did 2 yesterday, 1 today morning. At night now, I have initiated through the 6th sphere.

5 days in each qlipha, half a day or a full day in each tunnel. No more, no less. When I spent too much time in Herab Seraphel I think? it was like the energies were pushing me out.

I conversed with Duchess Bim a few days ago, I will talk with her again soon.

I prepare for a pact tomorrow night.

I can’t believe I’m already at the 6th sphere. But I notice that I have learned quite a bit in the past few weeks.

I’ve learnt to find balance within my own duality, and it feels amazing.

That’s all for this entry, I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 1

1st April, 2022

19:34

Golachab, Day 1

I slept 10 hours. I had taken a nap in the afternoon. I dreamt that I went to visit a guy I was dating. His room was on the 1st floor, above the main house. A flight of stairs led to his room. When it was time to go back, I walked down but I had left my phone upstairs. The house was beside a railway platform, platform no. 3.

He came out and I told him to throw my phone (I would catch it). He was on the phone, I thought it was mine so I kept telling him my password. He was scrolling through something and I was getting impatient about not getting my phone back.

A few more men came and they sat on the stairs. One of them saw the guy get angry and shot me. Another guy looked at him and asked why he had done that, the guy who I was supposedly dating rushed down. I had already fallen and was bleeding quite heavily.

The dream ended here.

On Wednesday I had accompanied my friend to thr dentist. I was clearing my gallery, the screenshots album. Where I came across a chat screenshot of my ex and me. I wouldn’t think any of it, but I still had my hopes up with this ex of mine.

I broke up with him, because I didn’t like the way I was being treated. But it was extremely difficult for me to do, I had liked him since 7th grade and I kept going back to him. He knew the little things about me, and the amount of attention to detail to had made me feel very seen.

But it was only for me back at school, the current me is different. So I had to make that decision for the sake of both of us. He knew his errors but didn’t make any conscious effort to fix it.

I am very tired today. I was supposed to do a few things Tonight but Frankly, I don’t have the energy to do so. I will be sleeping early today.

That is all for this entry, I hope everyone has a good day.

Day 2

April 2, 2022

18:55

Golachab, Day 2

I had some rest last night, I feel better today. Today was a moderate day.

I got done writing two pacts, one of them was with Belial. Writing down the pact for the patronage. It was awesome. He gave me a new sigil to use, and guided my hands to write down the proper words.

It took some energy of course, channelling things for two pacts. I did have discussions about them with the respective spirit beforehand.

Andd that’s sort of it for today and this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 3

April 3rd, 2022

21:12

Golachab, Day 3

Not much today. Bought a little something for Duchess Bim and my spirit lover. We had a fun time together.

I dreamt that I held baby me in my hands, protecting her. My grandma was also there in a wheelchair.

I was then in a grocery store where I was looking for something cursed, I saw my ex girlfriend there and talkrd with her a little before she left.

That’s all for this entry, I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 4

4th April, 2022

19:48

Golachab Day 4

If I was a well, how deep must I go within myself, to find the bottom?

How long should I climb down, should I look at the wall in front of me, the darkness below me, or the light that I move away from?

Step by step, level by level.

I fantasized about being a writer when I was in school. Maybe I’ll be able to do it, maybe not. I’ve drawn a blank to write my essay for a competition, I haven’t been able to write anything in general.

“The competition isn’t too important anyways, don’t stress”, I was told

I mean, the prize is good. Maybe I was told that as a form of comfort, maybe it really isn’t that important.

I probably will have to go back home for a few days against, I really, I really have no words for this. It’s firstly an expensive matter, then it’s tiring and toxic to add to it.

I feel like I keep being dragged down the more I move forward.

What new level of healing am I to attain now, what new depth of my own well.

Or will I have a fresh breath of air? Will my resolution be tested?

Will I be tested to see if I allow myself to trust the ones who hurt me again, or will I finally understand and learn to live with the loneliness, finally stop yearning for something in a place I can’t find it in.

But these are not questions for you, not for my guides either. Simply questions of reflection for me.

What really broke my heart that I’m gonna be missing a friend’s birthday party because of it. Because I’ll be home. This upsets me, makes me furious, because it was family that stopped me from going out with friends at school. I hate to something like this happening again.

Well if I have an option to say no, I say no. I say, let my sister learn how to take responsibility. I refuse to handle her mess for her, and I refuse to be forced to do it. I am younger than her too, I deserve to have the space and time to live my own life.

This might sound very exaggerated for those who don’t know me, but for those who do, they will know that it is the opposite.

I believe the Qliphoth is finally bleeding into my reality.

I simply wish to be in silence, I dislike the noise, I dislike the people, I am starting to dislike the repeated questions my friend asks.

At the end and at the beginning of each sphere , I feel the power course through me and buzz through my being.

Everything is aligned. Every moment. But not every situation, there are multiple outcomes and by studying patterns one can, to an extent, predict the most possible outcome.

My only role in what is to come is to experience it and learn from it. As is your role in your life.

Where the rest play out, I will know once it has passed.

I don’t remember much of my dreams from last night.

I cleaned my bracelet, and enchanted my leather bound diary to keep it away from unwanted eyes.

This is all for this entry, I hope everyone has a good day.

Day 5+6

5th April, 2022

Golachab, Day 5

The dream:

I was in my room back at home and it was very dark. It was 4 am in the dream, it didn’t change. it was 4 am only.

by the bed there was a chair and on the chair was a pillow and above it a small plastic mannequin. now the lighting was red, I was getting weird vibes and I couldn’t sleep. So I went to watch TV.

The hall was also dark and empty, and the only show I could see was also dark. It had some horror and bloody undertones. This also creeped me out, so I turned off the TV and went back to the room.

Here I got some kind of message about the goddess? I kepy lying down on my bed and staring at thr doll (at this point I saw it was a plastic doll) Eventually I threw a pillow at it, it got a little askew? so I threw another pillow.

Then I got out of bed and took the doll in my hand, and I hit it on the chair.

Then I hear,“You would’ve cut the head off anyway”

So I hit the doll again and the head falls off.

Then this scene transforms into 2 ogre like dwarf creatures coming to attack me.

Here I got terrified, then I felt Belial come into the scene and it stopped and I woke up, at 4 minutes past 12 am

I woke up and took down notes, but before I could fall asleep again I kepy seeing my house in a dark light, there was a shadow person in the kitchen and a thoughtform of a green alien that I had to fight off before I could sleep.

the first time I confronted the shadow thing I was killed, it kept repeating till I won.

April 6th, 2022

19:37

Golachab, Day 6 since I didn’t initiate into anything else

It was a gangster type dream.

Things are always aligned, I have found good reasons to go home.

I don’t have much else to add here, I hope everyone has a good day!

Tunnel

April 8th, 2022

20:45

"They called her a whore, because she offered herself to everybody.

Initiation into the Tunnel connecting Samael and Golachab

The quote, is from a YouTube video. It is UPG, of course. (Incoming UPG)

“They called her a whore, because she offered herself to everybody”.

Wisdom, knowledge. She gave it to those who asked, she gave it to those who approached her. This is Sophia.

I asked Lucifer:

M: Help me connect to her

L: She is inside you, she is outside you. She is in your reflection in the mirror, she is in the person you talk to. You only need to look.

A goddess I need to connect to and talk to, I haven’t found information beyond Gnosticism and a few rhp YouTube videos. So I’ll look inward, to find her within me.

I talked to Lucifer today, I had a workshop today at college on Art and Play therapy. It was amazing and very fun.

LUCIFER Enn · Binaural Meditation Chant | Deep Theta Wave ~ Sigil Frequency Hz

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

[Onyo]

Gashkalah

Day 1

11th April, 2022

22:07

Gashkalah, Day 1

I was having a headache today afternoon because I had lunch late. Class got cancelled (luckily, I was in no state to study) so I took a nap. I woke up hungry had some snacks, tea and ice cream. Felt a thousand times better after that and my headache was gone.

I’ve been going down the Sophia rabbit hole. There are some questions I must get the answer to. I feel like it is a mission I’ve gotten from a spirit. And I will be successful at it.

The lapis lazuli pendant I ordered arrived.

I have some shadow work around money that I need to do. I have fallen back into resistance.

I have been feeling like giving the reigns to Belial temporarily, I feel it is the time for a renewal. A revamp of things and for a new me. This partly seems to arise from my pathworking in the qliphoth, but I have found myself in another loop I will break free from. I feel myself growing, I must shed my old skin.

I have yet to tell this to Lord Belial, but I will before I sleep tonight.

Life is good, I’m getting what I want. But this won’t do. As I get things, other things also come into light. It is a never ending journey after all.

My relationship with my parents has, come to a place where I am at peace with it. But with my sister it is still…one sidedly sour. I feel venomous talking to her.

That is all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 2

11th April, 2022

19:16

Gashkalah, Day 2

Lucifer was in my dreams last night, it was a wonderful dream.

I have progressed in my quest, I have made contact with Sophia and got a sigil from her.

I made a protection servitor. I read through some Quareia modules.

Thats all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 3

13th April, 2022

19:31

Gashkalah, Day 3

I will start of by saying that I have an assignment due tomorrow at 10am, but as my nature is all my non academic gears start turning when I’m stressed. So I thought, let’s write my journal because why the fuck not.

I found a picture of Sophia yesterday that I love and feel more drawn towards, as it aligns with my UPG as well.

I love her energy, she is very gentle and sweet and seems to be very open to have conversations. Today I got my confirmation sign from her.

Holy mother and Unholy whore

Oh Sophia, I would love to know more.

I have been thinking of what my resistance is when it comes to money magick. I have first understood that I’m afraid of independence. There’s a witch who did a Q&A recently and asked us to write what our biggest blockages are. I don’t remember what I wrote, but she said it is a fear of independence, fear of being accountable for my decisions.

And she’s right. My sister is very careless with money, and I worry that I spend too much so I fear I will become like her. Careless with money and co-dependent. So I close the door on the opportunities that I would get. I don’t trust myself to be able to handle what I will get.

Which brings me to another thing, why I didn’t give my all to the essay competition. I could not, did not write even a paragraph. The prize was a seat at an international panel discussion. Before I could even give myself a chance I got afraid of the prize and already decided I don’t deserve it.

Boom! Couldn’t even write it.

Next, I have issues when it comes to me deserving things. If I get picked for something, I go,“why me?”

If I do money spells, I always think I’ll have to work super hard to earn what I’ll get. Instead of just being receptive, instead of trusting in magick, even after I have sources to get money. This mindset of me not deserving is like a money repellent.

Next, I buy something for myself, I think I’m spending wayy to much. Like I’m wasting money. I am not, I buy snacks and me pampering myself is through crystals. I do buy unnecessary snacks though, that’s a different issue.

I have started to recognise where I am sabotaging myself, now it is time to work on it.

Gashkalah, you take energy, my friend. I have been extremely hungry in this sphere. I don’t crave sweet things but I am HUNGRY. :3

I saw a movie today, it was good. I had some curd mixed with sugar while watching it. Very good combo.

Anyways, I’m off to do my assignment folks. I hope everyone has a good day.

Day 4

14th April, 2022

18:23

Gashkalah, Day 4

I am back home. I tasked my servitor to clean up the place. I don’t like this place at all.

I am practicing astral combat on a regular basis now. I was tested in Golachab but I believe I failed a bit. I wasn’t ready.

If Sophia can create, she can also absorb the creation back into herself. Take back everything, leave it void.

My head is empty, no thoughts. I’m a little sleepy too.

That’s all for this entry. I think. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 5

15th April, 2022

18:05

Gashkalah, Day 5

Last night I was talking to Azazel before I slept.

“We’re all part of consciousness. The difference between you and me, is that it is accessible to me in a way that it is not accessible to you. Therefore, I, and we know.”

I got a ritual from him. One that will tap you into your highest power and release inhibitions. I wish to try it out as soon as possible.

I realized that there were a lot of goats in my neighborhood when I was a child. They dissapeared when I got older though.

I was having leg pain today morning, and Azazel did some healing. It was gone in a few hours. I have been told to avoid some things to ensure proper healing and recovery.

I met an old friend today, we had lots of fun. I am really happy. I’m unsure of what my heart wants from her, but the heart wants what it wants.

I want to catch up to all the tunnels before the next sphere. VK says to do the tunnels after the spheres, but this is how I’m called to do it so that’s how I will do it.

I have to go the market with my mum in some time. I’m already a little tired but, ah well.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Tunnel

19th April, 2022

21:37

Initiating through the tunnels of set: Samael to Thagirion.

Thagirion to Gashkalah..

I’m back at my hostel.

I’ve been thinking about Beelzebub since morning. While chanting the incantations his name crossed my mind and I got a wave of energy that felt a little dizzying.

I did a petition today.

Talked to Prince Orobas about a few things.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Tunnel

21st April, 2022

19:59

Initiation into the Tunnels of Set: Thagirion to Golachab

Golachab to Gashkalah

Sometimes I wonder, how far I will take magick.

I wrote today, after a long time. It felt nice.

I can’t think of anything else, so that’s currently all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Satariel

Initiation

22nd April, 2022

22:43

Lucifer: you turn reasons into excuses and excuses into reasons. and then you repeat this. you repeat this till you find a justification for your actions.

L:Cause and effect, what do you linger on?

L: You are no weapon, you are no healer. The field is open, the choice is yours

M: Lots of choices these days

L: Then what are you waiting for?

Initiation into Satariel

Last night I dreamt that the girl I love was messaging me, saying she missed me. Then I was shopping for purses in a fair with Orlee. I bought a white bag style one. I also got two masks, which could be worn on top of the other. One was of a ram head with feathers on top, and another a circle with lightning in between, with runes carved on the border.

My head has been running a mile a minute with empty thoughts. There was chaos which I couldn’t navigate and it got too much. So, I went to Belial.

B: Little demon, have you forgot who your patron is?

I will admit, I missed the day I was supposed to properly talk to him. Get the “weekly progress report” from him. I got a little scolding for it, but he told me what was needed to be told.

I hand over the mess in my head to him, so that I may be guided on how to go about this.

I started watching the Witcher, and I want a wolf necklace now

That’s all for this entry folks, good night. I hope you have a good day!

Day 1

23rd April, 2022

21:27

Satariel, Day 1

Today was a pleasant day. I had class so I finally went to college, my friends and I had delicious lunch outside. I came back, I finished the 1st season of The Witcher.

Tomorrow, after I catch up to my practical classes I will start the 2nd season!

I dreamt last night, of solving a puzzle. It had very horror movie vibes to it. There was also the name- “Fórcalor”.

I will be invoking King Paimon in some time, probably read a few fanfics and head to sleep! Azazel gave a short visit, so did Lucifer.

That’s all for this entry everyone. Good night, I hope you have a good day!

Day 2

24th April, 2022

20:22

Satariel, Day 2

I don’t think I dreamt last night. Even if I did, I don’t remember.

I was filling my water bottle today morning before breakfast, when I realized I still do carry some of my previous habits. “Old habits die hard”, truly.

I realized I still don’t give myself credit for things. I take humility too far, and I shy away from taking credit. I like the spotlight, but I shy away from it. This, is my biggest obstacle right now.

My biggest worry, is that it would change me. Make me a bad person. That I’ll have to live upto an expectation when I detest doing so. I don’t like the spotlight because of the responsibility it brings, but I want it. And I have to come to terms with it.

I thought of my lover in the evening, it’s been quite some time since I saw him. He is busy, and I am sealed in Qliphothic energies. I will try to connect to him again though. I know he’s around, because it doesn’t feel like my heart is being ripped into pieces with the pain.

If you’ve ever felt the feelings of a spirit, you will know how overwhelming it gets. But I don’t reject it, it helps me understand him better.

I have been feeling better ever since I handed over the chaos to Belial. Today was a slow today.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 4

26th April, 2022

20:06

Satariel, Day 4

Last night I dreamt of an intergalactic war. I was worried because my dogs wouldn’t be able to go out to pee or poo. It was a scary dream, at one point I called for Michael and got pulled out of the dream.

I was drained af and tired yesterday. I slept a good 12-14 hours. I took an hour long nap today too. I have a slight headache because of the heat, I had to go to college today. It was super fun.

I feel like I’m at a upper floor of a building with this qliphoth sphere. It’s a little weird. 8 spheres in, and 12 Tunnels of Set.

Cool. Very cool.

Azazel has been around it, and it seems like he has plans to stay.

I’ve been trying to take care of myself as much as possible. And I feel my inhibitions get released slowly.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 5

April 27th, 2022

19:42

Satariel, Day 5

Today was a good day. With my time coming to a close in this sphere, the energies are much easier to deal with. Not as tiring or exhausting, much more tame. I had a test today, it went well.

Not much happened today. I reflected on me and my past (?) with my writing. I have changed quite a bit.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Ghagiel

Day 1

3rd May, 2022

21:02

Ghagiel, Day 1

>Beelzebub: How long have you spent yourself for others? It’s time to come back

The first day was quite nice. I sadly forgot to recall last night’s dream so I don’t remember it.

I have started studying the Qaballah, to have and deepen my understanding in at least one subject.

My friends had a fight, so that was awkward.

I vamped a target today.

I would like to take this opportunity, to thank King Bael for the rain and the beautiful weather we’re having here.

I’m sorry I didn’t make you coffee today, King Bael. I promise to do it tomorrow.

That’s all for this entry folks, I hope you have a good day!

Day 2

4th April, 2022

21:00

Ghagiel, Day 2

Thank you, King Paimon. For everything. My respect and love for you only grows with each passing day, and I’m eternally grateful for your guidance and help.

Consistency, I must maintain consistency. It’s one of my flaws, not being regular at things.

Today was a tad bit tiring. Every night before I’m falling asleep, I feel myself slamming back into my body before I fall asleep, only to be woken up by my alarm the next day.

The water in the hostel started coming out bad in the evening, I really hope it becomes clean by tomorrow morning, I have class tomorrow.

Today I watched House of Gucci, it was nice. I thought the story was quite tragic, honestly. But the movie has also tempted me for a Tarot De Marseilles deck, which was already there lol.

I made coffee for King Bael today. Things lined up really well. Yesterday I had set an alarm for 6:30pm so I don’t forget to make the coffee for him. Today morning I planned to make the coffee, and the afternoon as well but things caused their to be a delay. But, as I stirred the coffee in the evening just before placing it as an offering, the alarm rang. It was very cool.

I have heat rashes all over my neck, so I tended to that. It went down a bit, but I will continue till it heals, of course.

That’s all for this entry folks, I hope you have a good day ahead!

Day 3

5th May, 2022

Ghagiel, Day 3

Last night I dreamed that I was getting readings from an astrologer. The astrologer brought someone with her, who is actually my friend. But the astrologer didn’t know we already knew each other. She told me to wait and went somewhere. The setting was oh my house, so I showed my friend the shelf where I hide and do my magick, including consecrated jewellery.

Then the dream changed to me holding a baby in my hand, I knew I was the mother because of the love and joy I felt. Then there was a man on a vehicle ahead, who was supposedly the father by the way he also looked at the child and me. He agreed to take the kid home because it loooked like it would rain soon, and also so that I could finish whatever I was doing.

Today I realised something. I keep finding myself in complicated situations. Both with my friends and family, and the same situation. One doesn’t like what the other is doing, but they don’t talk to each other. I’m smack in the middle. While I can maintain my relationships, it just gets very awkward at times.

I also had a little argument with my sister, because I was clearly telling her that I wasn’t comfortable doing something she wanted me to do and she started yelling at me saying that I wasn’t thinking about her.

She asked me if I was only thinking about myself.

I said yes. I was. Was it harsh? 100%

Do I give a shit? no. not at all.

I was honest and blunt(learning it from a friend), for my own good. If I wasn’t I’d have to weave lies again and then I would cry about it later. No, I am trying to not lie to protect myself by stroking someone else’s ego. I will take into consideration sensibility, but I will not take into consideration poor planning or, in harsher words, stupidity.

Done, absolutely done. Fuck everything

I could either let my anger consume me in a destructive way, or sit and think about why I’m angry and see if it is justified or if I’m acting purely because of bitter feelings.

I can’t change the past anymore, I know that.

Although I have forgiven my parents, I am not yet at a place where I can forgive my sister. Not when she still is so ignorant, it angers me 2 and makes me go 2 steps back when I take a step forward.

Anyways, it rained again today! ~

Spent some time with Prince Orobas today, I need to talk to Beelzebub soon.

That’s all for this entry everyone. Ah I think today’s entry was a little big. I hope you have a good day!

Day 5

7th May, 2022

18:55

Ghagiel, Day 5

Yesterday was a heavy day, today also.

Last night, the one who attacked me, I have this to say:

I know you’re on the forum. I know who you are. I know what you did, why you did.

But I don’t get why you chose to attack instead of talk, we’ve never talked before. Why did you do it? I was never bad to you.

But I did go to your profile, and I could feel the parasites crawling all over you.

I do not need to retaliate, I’m afraid that you’re…gone too far. I will not help you, action has already been taken.

You thought you would weaken me, but here I am.

Anyways, I put some cool oil on my hair. I’m tired of the shit ton of potatoes we get here for food

That’s all for this entry folks, I hope you have a good day!

Thaumiel

Initiation

Initiation into Thaumiel

The last sphere.

I will then do the tunnels,

then the ‘Caverns of Choronzon’ as VK calls them in his book. They are 6 additional tunnels(?) that open after the completion of the Tunnels of Set.

Super tiring day, very adventurous.

I hope everyone has a good day, I will probably write more tomorrow.

I was to invoke Belial, but I can hardly keep my eyes open.

If I’m woken up in the middle of the night, then I will do it.

Good night everyone, I hope you have a good day

edit: I believe Beelzebub sent a big bug my way to wake me up at 1am and chat, magickally it disappeared after I responded.

I’ve had qliphothic nightmares but what stuck to me is a bug

Please don’t send me a bug, just wake me up. if I fall asleep wake me up again, it’s a tried and tested Method by Azazel please don’t send bugs. I don’t like them.

It happened, I was woken up twice at 3:10am. First by someone tickling my ear and then by a bottle falling

“Wake the fuck up”

Understood.

Day 1

9th May, 2022

22:22

Thaumiel, Day 1

I dreamt I woke up to catch a train to come back to my hostel, I had breakfast, overslept and missed the train.

In the little knowledge of the qliphoth I have (that came from YouTube, specifically Rose Crowley, VK Jehannum, and C Kendall), Thaumiel, in my understanding, is a sphere of polarities.

“A lust for power. A strategic mistake”

As I slept last night I searched my heart. Looking through memories of past lives and analyzing my actions.

Did I choose magick because I wanted to learn, or because I wanted power?

Knowledge is power, did I want power because I wanted to help myself and others, or so that I could dominate and be selfish?

I don’t think I’m overtly dominating, I don’t think I am dominating. It is not my forte. But I get possessive of my creations. Be it art, or assignments or presentations.I like credit, and I don’t like sharing. Not ideal for team work, I know. It’s also why I don’t wish to work in a team like setting, I can work with people but I don’t want to. I don’t like being told what to do either.

Back to the point, I get possessive of my stuff, I don’t like when someone else gets the spotlight when I am in it. It is also a response from school (where if I did something, someone else did and they could show it off unlike me) and home (where my sister gets jealous of things I get so she always gets what I got also, including a birthday get # still salty about it).

Last night, I could look at the polarities in myself.

I do not wish to repeat the mistakes past life me did.

it rained today, there’s a cyclone nearby. The weather will be cool for some days.

I’m also a lot more emotional and sensitive these days.

That’s all for this entry, I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 2

10th May, 2022

20:20

Thaumiel, Day 2

I dreamt that I was having a good time with my friends and cousins I think, then my dad called me to get something from “the” hospital. I went there, it was a wheelchair, my sister was also there. She told me to get into an elevator and after I went in she messaged me (tw// violence) that the lift was to be repaired and the one who went before me got his skull cracked.

I went in on the 13th floor, and I saw as the lift went down wayy to quick at odd numbered floors. 13, 11, 9, and so on.

After I came out unscathed my sister asked how I survived. I had no answer.

Then, it was holi. I wanted to ask a very attractive classmate of mine if he wanted to come with me to a friend’s house to play together. But before I could do so my mother came, dragged me away and started yelling at me for something.

Then we stopped by to eat something, now it was something I love (vada pav) and I was literally holding it in my hand, I took a bite and then she started yelling at me in front of everyone again. I was crying and then I woke up crying too, at 7:27 in the morning.

I had taken a nap in the afternoon, where I saw I went to a small eatery. It was very cozy and cute with air conditioning and I was getting ready for a date with my lover. But, BUT, I woke up.

cries

Now, as you might have noticed, if not then do notice, the change in my profile picture. I usually pick profile pictures I resonate with but this time I’m doing the opposite thing.

I’m gonna use this profile photo as a virtual glamor and work with it till I feel like it. I’ll work my way towards it.

I’m biologically female, I identify as a woman but energetically I’m not so feminine. I’m a masculine woman which doesn’t always work out in my favor. And with me working majorly with masculine spirits, and having Belial as a patron just accentuates it.

So, I am working on finding my feminine self, and on being feminine energetically as well. A dark feminine, taking inspiration from Lilith.

I will, after the Qliphoth, try to mainly focus on working with feminine spirits and goddesses. Before I do anything else. This is my main focus. This will be my “glow up”.

Being aggressive is good but being brute is not my thing. I believe that I’m not a hammer that will shatter a rock, but more like water that will cut through it over time. This is what I’m working with and on.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

Day 3

11th May, 2022

21:51

Thaumiel, Day 3

the witch’s path is a path of thorns. the path of pain and resilience and facing all that is ugly and vulgar, to find power within and use it as a catalyst for transformation.

the fire in her belly and the rage in her eyes reflect the determination and her will to transform all that is to pure gold and dazzling diamonds.

she is of the cosmos, and she is of the force-

of power, seduction, art and mystery.

she’s the mystic in your dreams and the one that haunts and lingers in your memories.

she leaves her trace wherever she goes and nothing can erase it.

for she is a witch,

and she is a force unto herself.

Last night I dreamt I was driving around, going nowhere.

My periods started today, I’ve been angry af all day. I almost cried during lunch because I didn’t want to eat. I had pizza in the evening. I almost threw my phone across the room today.

Did an immersive ritual with Satan today, with water. Lots of water.

I meditated to him in the evening, talked for a while. That’s it.

That’s all for today’s entry. I hope you have a good day!

Completion

14th May, 2022

10:41

Qliphothic spheres: Complete

This is not the culmination of my magick, neither is it the highest I can reach. After finishing Thaumiel, and the multiple immersive rites Satan put me through, it has dawned on me that this is merely the beginning. A preparation of what’s to come. A primer for the Gatekeeper pathworking.

The ones I’ve already worked with, I don’t know if I will have to start from the beginning again. Properly this time. Meditations, evocations and conjurations. Spells, rituals and hopefully astral projection (soon).

My clairs have improved, so has my confidence. But my confidence cycles. I have found friends and lost some. I have found the courage to step into baneful magick.

It was good, but I’m not done yet. I have yet to finish the tunnels. It is not required, Belial said. But I had already started, I won’t leave it half done.

I am to first channel a personal set of “keys” to the “gates” for my gatekeeper pathworking.

That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day!

More tunnels

17th May, 2022

19:15

Initiating through the Tunnels of Set: Thagirion to Satariel

Golachab to Satariel

After this, I have only 3 tunnels left.

My immersion continues, although I was hesitant due to some…history from my past lives. But with encouragement I have taken the step, to not restrict myself anymore.

These past few days I was resting and thinking about a few things.

I watched City of Angels last night, bawled my eyes out. Really good movie.

I have been feeling anger towards my friend, I cannot bear her voice.

That’s all I can think of for now. I hope you all have a good day.

That concludes it. I posted it like this because it was exceeding the character limit when it was together.

[Onyo]

25th August, 2022
18:30

I love ‘My Neighbor Totoro’. It’s a cozy movie that I love watching, especially because no one d words in this movie. For the past few days, I’ve been going through this one sided detachment from my sister. Every message, every missed call of hers just makes my skin crawl. It will be some time till I process through this…hate and anger.

So, as a form of catharsis I mourn everything that could have been, if she had been what her relation to me is called, a sister. I mourn the things I had to sacrifice, the things I had to hear and see, things I had to and still have to experience because of her actions. They are lessons I welcome with open arms, but I’d rather learn them another way. It sucks, really.

The void in my heart is easier to deal with now, but it still hurts the same whenever something grazes it. I am grateful for my friends and my brothers and sisters, I am not lonely. But this void is something that hits you a different way.

So I nurture myself. I get myself things I wanted, I offer myself play and comfort in “childish” things, so the me now can have comfort in feelings, in things. So that I know it is okay to do things that make me happy and put myself first, that I don’t have to suppress or push aside my desires and that it is perfectly okay for me to feel what I’m feeling, need what I’m needing, and want what I’m wanting.

My book report got approved, so now I can move on to the next step of it. Prof wants us to register and make a poster for a conference that’s coming up. Soooo I have to start working on that too. I have 3 assignments to do now, and I’m a little sick.

: )

I will be having 6 months with Azazel in my ongoing Gatekeeper pathworking. I’m at my 3rd out of 4 months with Belial, these last 2 months might coincide with Azazel, he has been around these days.

“Cast spells twice a week minimum, else I’ll make you do it.”

I can’t think of anything else to add here, so this is all for now. I hope you have a good day, take care folks.

[Keteriya]

@Onyo

My book report got approved, so now I can move on to the next step of it. Prof wants us to register and make a poster for a conference that’s coming up. Soooo I have to start working on that too. I have 3 assignments to do now, and I’m a little sick.

Congrats, good luck and rest lots!

[Onyo]

Thank you! I’ll be sure to get enough rest

[Onyo]

Late night magic
26th August, 2022
00:07

I had written a baneful prayer in class today, calling Michael and Gabriel, when my target walked into class and made me feel all kinds of uncomfortable and angry. I channelled all of that into that prayer, and recited it now.

Belial is teaching me baneful right now, I just don’t know how to keep track of it’s progress when I’m not in direct contact with my targets tho…

[Vitriol]

@Onyo

I just don’t know how to keep track of it’s progress when I’m not in direct contact with my targets tho…

This might be bad advice, but the best way to know is follow them on social media, be it Facebook, instagram and whatever else they’re using now a days. Granted it might be a little creepy, but everyone posts everything now a days so it wouldn’t be hard to figure out.

Maybe if your classmate stops going to class ask one of the friends what’s going on!

Just my two cents.

[Onyo]

Good idea, thank you bro!

[Onyo]

27th August, 2022
19:52

I slept in till 11am today, broke a personal record. I had Golachab dreams, and they were the most violent I’ve ever had them. Lord Belial was there, right beside me. I’m gonna record the details here, but in a summary. This is Aeshma’s sphere, the dream is explicit. Read at your own discretion.

Dream

tw//sexual harassment

It started with me going somewhere with a girl I have feelings for. We were roaming around and then someone called me. She went saying that she’ll meet me later, and that I should deal with whatever was calling for my attention.

I don’t remember this part, but after that I was back at my house, in my parent’s room. It felt very apocalyptic. Belial was there, to my right. I pulled him and went to where he was standing, so now he was on my left. I told him, hide behind the door so we can do a surprise attack. But before he could say or do anything, someone or something launched at me.

I was trapped against a wall. My movement was restricted. I kept hitting it’s head till it’s hold loosened and I got some space, then I used my astral weapon to hit it. I don’t know if I killed it, but it did leave me alone. Belial didn’t interfere like the last time something like this had happened during my qliphoth pathworking but he kept his eye on me.

Then I was in a classroom. A big fat lady was teaching us about management. Any student who gave the wrong answer was hit. I was scared but I mustered up the courage to say what I thought was the right answer. She smiled, and then took me with her to a room. Then she started taking my clothes off! I said “excuse me?!”, slapped her, poked her eyes then slapped her again.

Then I ran away. She ran after me but I kicked her.

Then there. was a river and people who went swimming in the river to attend a Hindu sermon. I saw a man abandoning his daughter and two little suns.

Then I was in a rollercoaster for senior citizens?

I spent the whole day doing my assignment, nothing else. My roommate talks in a voice that makes me punch her teeth out. I have some work to do tonight. There’s nothing else I can think of right now, so I will end this here. I hope you all have a good day!

[Onyo]

29th August, 2022
9:07

I’m half ready for college, it takes me 5 minutes to prepare so I decided to update my journal. I’ve been bust doing my assignments, and I’m waiting for this week to be over so I can pass time and relax in the weekend instead of worrying about the deadline

I missed my 1 day of spell casting last week, I must do it as soon as possible. I do not want to get punished by Azazel, hell no. Never again. Nope. I will most probably do it today, I’ll try some energy work.

I ordered a bed desk (?) because the table I do have is not somewhere I can work on. I can’t sit on the floor so I sit on the bed, and I need the bed table for my back and my neck. It arrived last evening (thought about it enough it arrived 3 days early hehe) and it’s so good It’s so comfortable to work on and use!

And it’s pink! I was looking at more pink things last night when Michael asked me if I’m reclaiming it.

M: Reclaiming pink I see.
Me: ???
M:
Me: I had a lot of pink stuff as a kid I don’t know what you mean.

I still don’t know what he means, but ah well I’ll understand it on it’s own time. I had plenty pink things in my childhood. Pink backpack, pink pencil cases, pink clothes, pink walls, pink birthday cake even (strawberry)! I only shifted to blues in 10th grade and now I wear darker shades of blue, red and black. I do have some light clothes but they do not pair up well lol.

Maybe femininity? Pink is often associated with it. Maybe it’s a Venusian color? I’m comfortable with the bit of femininity in me. I really can’t understand what Michael said and why he said it.

I’ve been using glamors on a regular basis now and I’m going to work on advancing them even more now. Make them more powerful and give it a refresh.

I channelled a litany of Lord Belial and King Paimon last week and the week before. The King Paimon one if for private use, but I will share the litany of King Belial if it’s not against the rules, I’ll check them to see if channelled material is allowed before 3 months just in case.

I have plans for something I want to do here, just going to get my assignments done first lol. That’s all for this entry everyone, I hope you have a good day!

[Onyo]

6th September, 2022
22:28

It’s about damn time

Aight writing here and even coming online here after a long time, I’ve been a lot busier than I’d like to be lol. My assignments were done but I got stuck volunteering for the fresher’s orientation. Which means I’ll be spending around 6hrs or more running from one place to another

I had a meltdown today because of a task, told my prof I can’t do it, she was fine with it (Thank you Dantalion).

I have realized fully (at least I think fully) my blood family’s dynamics. It makes me feel peaceful and uneasy at the same time. It’s a weird feeling, knowing when you don’t have family even though everyone is a alive and well.

I’ve had a money spell success and I bought s tripod as my guides well, guided. Everytime I felt like buying something else I lost all enthusiasm in it.

Message received.

I also think I got taught an extremely difficult lesson on boundaries today. I had planned to write more but I’m sleepy. I will get some rest. Good night everyone, I hope you have a good day ahead!

[norse900]

@Onyo

It’s a weird feeling, knowing when you don’t have family even though everyone is a alive and well.

You have a family here, Onyo.

[Onyo]

And I love them
Thank you, it means a lot to me

[Arianna]

@Onyo

And I love them

We love you!