Spider🕷 Weaving 🕸

[anon75849095]

@Veil

I have felt as though I’ve been on the receiving end of this, too. Felt as though

No don’t be gaslighted. You’re not a beginner @Veil if you sense something is wrong, then. Something is wrong. Trust your intuition.

[Veil]

Thank you Mike, means a lot.

…And sorry @Laurel_Spider dear for taking your thread off-topic with my rambling

[Laurel_Spider]

@Veil

I know I have no claim to any entity, but I still can’t help feeling a slight flare-up of possessiveness if someone talks about being close to Metatron, or something like that, although I’d never mention it. Metatron is a great being to work with.

I get this. I think most of us who are particularly close with someone get this way. I’m all for sharing experiences when people seem like they actually practice and aren’t just pretenders though.

@Veil

He has made clear to other people that he is possessive of me in return, fucked if I know why though

Yeah…I’m still not completely sure beyond “because I want you” why he’s this way with me.

@Veil

But the thought of me publishing, selling, my personal pathworking to him – having other people speak to him, outside the two close & trusted friends I’ve shared the pathworking with in writing, and one other person in speech only – well, that makes me positively seethe with jealousy.

I’ve been asked to share select parts of our pact. Then, I either don’t share the rest or a I share because I wanna know if others have had similar experiences. Makes me feel less like I’m down the insanity rabbit hole.

@Veil

sorry for going a bit off-topic there.

You’re not!! I love it. 90% of why I post is because I wanna gossip about spirits and being in similar situations.

[Laurel_Spider]

@Veil

Felt as though. (Not confirmed, in fact, denied by someone when asked.

If I asked that human I posted about, they’d probably deny it in a heartbeat too. Either because they didn’t understand that that’s “doing magick” or because they like spinning lies is anyone’s guess.

@Veil

of what I can only describe as telepathy.

Woah!! That’s so cool!!!

I’ve had 2-3 times when I’ve been able to hear and understand clearly humans in other places’ conversations. I had other moments where I hear a voice or pick up some words, but don’t have the whole thing. The first time I was 15 and home at night with my two little (2 and 1 year old at the time) brothers and overheard a conversation happening about an hour away at a crowded event. I thought my dad & stepmom were in the garage and walking up the steps, but when they never came all the way up I pulled out the tracking app to see where she was (she tracked me and the app worked both ways). I repeated half the conversation word for word and she gave me the other half I’d heard; it was so freaky. This was also in a time that my clairaudience was acting up though.

I fucking love people’s clairaudience/telepathy experiences (the intense ones at least). The way it started out for me was a rollercoaster nightmare half the time and hearing others’ more pronounced experiences is awesome! @anon75849095 has also had some cool moments I know.

@Veil

when you look back at events and connect the dots and realise that maybe you acted under compulsion, intentional or unintentional, baneful or not.

Yeah. That’s the worst part for me is having to judge myself for things past and done. And I was told, loudly and clearly by several spirits that I chose to ignore.

@Veil

if there’s no baneful intent, often there’s nothing to point to any kind of outer influence until you look back in hindsight and notice a pattern or series of connected events. It’s… humbling.

You’ve said this all very, very well.

@Veil

…And sorry @Laurel_Spider dear for taking your thread off-topic with my rambling

Nooooooooo please come hang out on my thread. If I didn’t wanna talk I wouldn’t post. There’s no off-topic here either

[Weckner]

@norse900

you become a little more like the energy that entity represents… But your specific version/aspect of it.

This is completely true, since I started to work with the entity that I mentioned my life started to atune with some of his ‘characteristics’, like the mythological aspect.

[Veil]

@Laurel_Spider

@Veil

He has made clear to other people that he is possessive of me in return, fucked if I know why though

Yeah…I’m still not completely sure beyond “because I want you” why he’s this way with me.

I have talked quite a bit about this subject with @ReyCuervo. And I tend to agree with his opinion that sometimes spirits just want to deal with us as an individual, in particular, because they have their own kind of agenda for us; or want us to act as agents for them in some way. Even if merely a PR agent getting them good press

Like, I can think of a few spirts I’ve had a marvellous success rate with (Bael is definitely one) but I’m not close to Bael, we’re just on good business terms. I wouldn’t call up King Bael just to chat (I mean I wouldn’t be opposed to it), not the same way I’d call up Metatron or Leviathan – not to ask for something, just to feel their presence. Kinda like having coworkers that you get on with really well and they’re super helpful and friendly when you do interact, but you wouldn’t invite them to your birthday party.

[Laurel_Spider]

@Veil

because they have their own kind of agenda for us; or want us to act as agents for them in some way. Even if merely a PR agent getting them good press

All of the above lol. He definitely has an agenda for me and enjoys the attention I grant him.

@Veil

I wouldn’t call up King Bael just to chat (I mean I wouldn’t be opposed to it), not the same way I’d call up Metatron or Leviathan

Yeah, I completely get what you mean. There’s a couple I call up in everyday situations, and most are really only within ritual and more “business-y.”

[Laurel_Spider]

Anger

09/23/2022

I was going to post on why I think you can create love through magick, and I will, but not right now.

Mostly, I’m annoyed at how susceptible to anger I am. Especially with certain people, but in general. It’s not my problem anymore to get angry, blow up, yell, thrash around like a crazy, and then freak out about it. More and more, I recognize that I’m angry, say incredibly hurtful things, and walk away. It’s great. Except when I care about the other side of the conversation. Then, I want to apologize but I’m conflicted because I shouldn’t have to. They’re the reason I’m angry. They did something to me, I reacted appropriately (I’m getting better at what’s an appropriate reaction). Why should I apologize when no one else ever does? Maybe I’m coming off super immature, that’s fine. This is the area of my life that I feel like a child in–anger.

I think anger is pretty useless. I think it a dumbfuck feeling (I call it a feeling because I feel it in my whole body, although yeah, it’s an emotion too). I think it’s stupid, pointless, fucked, and hellish. I think anger is just punishment for putting myself in situations I shouldn’t be in. I think anger is just not knowing how to process the actual underlying emotions (like why the fuck do I keep talking to people who don’t give two shits about me? and why do I walk back into situations that I know cross my boundaries). I’d say it’s pretty 50/50 the anger I’ve felt toward myself and toward others with 90% of “towards me” being about a single event when I was younger.

I think anger is stupid because it’s counter productive. It doesn’t do a single fucking good thing for me. Not one. I’ve never come out of feeling pure rage, anger, a desire to obliterate things (or humans) and gone, “Wow! Fucking great! That was awesome!” It’s usually just hellish before, during, and after. All it does is cloud vision, lower my filer for cruelty, and fuck with my body’s normal settings. And yet… it won’t go away? Like, for all that I’ve gotten so much better at getting less angry in any given period of time and for all I’ve gotten better at my expression of anger and dissipating it (whether in healthy or unhealthy ways), it won’t fuck off?

It drives me up the wall that I can’t handle my anger. That’s the bottom line here.

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Anger & My Magick

Now that there’s background on my instability related to anger… magick.

Anger fucks up my magick so hard. It fucks up my protective systems. It fucks up all my damn glamours. It fucks up everything, regardless of whether it’s something constantly in place or something new/only current.

I’m not really sure why which is part of why I’m here writing about it. But I think it has something to do with anger rattling my sense of self. Right, we all know magick relies on some basic stability of self. I’m not talking about mental health, fuck that (which I say kindly as someone who does magick when my mental health is not where I recommend others have it to play with the dangerous shit), I’m talking about feeling “yourself” when it’s time to practice (do magick). When I get angry (like, pure anger not simmer annoyance or petty frustration) it fucks with my craft so much. I feel completely uncentered, like I’m me, of course, but also the wrong version of me to some extent. I don’t believe that feeling one emotion (i.e. anger) over another (i.e. calm) changes who someone is, but I do believe there’s something to be said for a baseline.

Which leads me to, when I get angry, all my glamours fall apart. I don’t wander around with like “lust aura” attached to me (ewww ) but I do go through life with a few things that aren’t just “me.” As someone who is incredibly fond of manipulating other humans, I have a couple basic glamours that just perch around me nearly say 20 hours a day, especially when I’m out and about. So all of those crumble when I get angry. My wards are another things, they don’t freak out or fall apart–that would really suck–but they do act a little weird in way I’m not going to explain because that’s my protection.

My rituals, oh my god. Unless I’m going into ritual with a spirit I’m really familiar with, it’s one of two extremes. Either I can’t feel anything except being ice-cold, or all the energy is heightened through the roof. I don’t do any basic manifesting anything when I’m angry (unless it’s directly tied to my situation) because that’s a recipe to get the opposite of what I want if I ever saw it.

And then…there’s the dreamscapes that come with anger. Once upon a time I bound myself to a man who engaged in making lives stop living for a living, or for pleasure, or both and the anger that came off of him was… wow. My point though is that the dreams I had during that period of time are the darkest I’ve had in my life. It was a couple months I think, maybe just a handful of weeks though, that I was terrified of going to bed. I’d wait until I was exhausted and couldn’t stay away it was so bad. I’ll make a post at some point maybe, but holy fuck I wish never to see, hear, feel those things again. But anger does something weird to my sleep cycles and dreams too.

So, I guess my point after all of that is to say that anger makes my magick act up in something unpredictable ways. Sometimes, of course, anger can be useful in magick, but most of the time it’s just obnoxious for me. It tilts me off center a bit too far, fucks with my judgement, and keeps me from practicing to the best of my ability.

That’s all for now. It’s late and I need a nap before I can focus on productive things again.

[Mei]

I used to have anger issues a few years ago, back when I was in that heavy depression. I hated those moments, when I would get angry at people because I could also feel it in my whole body, and almost always, I felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest everytime.
I almost hit my mom once or twice, because the anger was just too great.

Today, it’s still here, but I learned to work with it. And also, at that time I wasn’t really angry with others, well yes but, it was mostly with myself. I would take it on everyone else. And so now, I like to think that anger, shows that we care about some things. We have rules, principles, so when those are broken, we get angry, sometimes even more if we broke those ourself.

I wish I could say better things right now, but my head is still in the fog, just woke up.
If you need to talk, don’t hesitate, I know we aren’t really close, but I’ve been there.

[Laurel_Spider]

@Mei

And so now, I like to think that anger, shows that we care about some things. We have rules, principles, so when those are broken, we get angry, sometimes even more if we broke those ourself.

This is really beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

Thanks for sharing your experience too.

[Celestia]

Anger is a very primal emotion. Evolutionarily speaking, anger is fot survival. It’s a base instinct, fight or flight. Therefore, anger can in a way also be called as a safety response. To add onto what Mel said, anger is triggered when safety is challenged. I’ll tell this, like I tell all my friends. Talk to your anger, try to understand what it’s protecting you from and then accept it. I don’t get angry easily, but it is extremely tiring when I do get angry because of the intensity. I hope this little tidbit helps you understand and work through your anger.

Remember, anger is just safety. anger is your body trying to protect you.

[Laurel_Spider]

Unweaving Energy Ties (from traitors)

TL;DR under the genies.

Some Background

There’s a human in my life that I refer to as “betrayer” in another language. There’s a good reason for it that I’m not elaborating on although given a few of my posts from yesterday I guess there’s a bit of context for this.

I used to be in a relationship (romantic, what have you) with this person. I’m only going to talk about the end of it though. One night, I was getting ready for my pact ritual with Dantalion. I was delayed a few times (mostly due to running out of matches and my lighter refusing to work). Finally, I had everything together and this traitor of a human (voice/phone) calls me. Dantalion says, ‘pick up.’ Okay, I do. And then, I ended up possessed and ending the relationship. (Yeah, I’m glossing over that last bit.)

So, I had this person blocked for a while until something came up and I unblocked. Yesterday, again, he calls me. If y’all saw my post in the social thread about RHP YHWH bullshit… yeah. Phone calls ends and I’m in a mood about it. The reality is that I have given up my path (magick, LHP, demons, cards, etc.) TWICE for this traitor. And I’d do it again, or at least last night I considered it, freaked out about that idea, and decided I needed to get away from this person who is clearly not a good person for me to be attached to.

Entanglement of Human & God/Spirit/Demon

If you remember from a moment ago, my break-up happened possessed. Which means, yes I said the words, but it’s also fuzzy and convoluted. The reality behind that situation, that human, me, Dantalion, and my pact, is that I gave up one for the other.

The reason I’m in this pact is because I asked for a favor and in return, I entered into pact with the spirit. I’ve talked about it a number of times with varying language. After I ended the relationship with the traitor-human, I spoke with Dantalion seriously about what I had previously asked of him: the favor I asked driectly concerned (the wellbeing and state of being) this person.

He said to me in no uncertain terms, “A pact is a pact. Do not take what you cannot give.”

Which means, ‘LaurelSpider, we are bound together, what I give you must also give and what you take I will also take. There is a balance to maintain of give and take within this pact.’ It’s not that I promised to walk away from this whole human and everything there had ever been between us (this is the human who essentially when he stubbed his toe mine pulsed too in a slightly less extreme way), but I did walk away from that type of relationship with him as part of the pact.

It also means, ‘All things are subject to their undoing.’ I don’t think that needs further explanation. Take it in the most or least extreme, however you want.

The entanglement here is that, as a part of my pact and relationship with Dantalion, I made the choice to become unentangled with this certain human. These choices are everywhere around us, though likely the majority of them are less extreme. The choices we make between relationships, events, the language/words we choose to say, and more come up against demons, spirits, magick all the time. This is just one drop in the bucket of what is given for magick. Just one–deeper and more serious for me–moment of walking away from someone and toward another, a spirit or a demon, a god or a manipulative entity, a friend or someone with too much possessiveness in them.

~The ‘Magick’ Part of This~ / The Reason for the Post in the first place~

Unweaving Energy Ties with Dantlaion

At @anon75849095 's suggestion last night, I considered going to Dantalion about this issue of involving being (too) attached to this traitor-human. (You’ll recall I had a phone call with the traitor-human about his god’s superiority last night.)

Dantalion and I had a “surprise” meeting. Which means, it wasn’t planned, wasn’t a whole “ritual,” but it was a meeting and magick stuff ensued. I was thinking about the situation, contemplating what I “owe” this person, literally I owe him negative things, and Dantalion came up to remind me that I’d given this person up as part of our dealings. I was not ready for that energy from him, Holy Fuck. Ever felt anger on a demon before?

I was brushing my teeth getting ready for bed when he decided, ‘why not start this make the emotions go away stuff right now.’ I got aggravated because although I’d brought up the topic, it was not an invitation to do his weird unthreading energy thing right then and there. It also felt really strange and uncomfortable. So I yelled at him. Because… boundaries. I understand he doesn’t want me close to this person, fine. I understand that I asked for help, fine. I do not understand, however, why he thought he’d just start right then and there without a single fucking conversation about the actual thing that was going to happen and how it was going to fuck with me (because of course it was).

I’m not used to speaking with him like that. I’m not used to having him bulldoze my boundaries, or walk me into new/strange/unfamiliar situations without a blindfold (which means he tells me we’re doing something new and leaves it there and I go through it not knowing what’s coming) or some basic explanation.

It felt like he had a hand in my chest, shoved in through the backside of my ribs and was tugging at my body/energy/what the fuck ever is in there and won’t kill me if pulled on. It felt like I was going to start coming apart if he pulled to hard, like he had something in his hand he was intent on taking out of me. It felt like I was pinned in place for a few moments. It felt like I was under water, or in a volcano, or just somewhere loud and with abnormal feeling-sensations. It felt like he had another hand on my head playing games with that too.

It took me a couple moments to realize he was just going to handle it his way before I told him to stop and back up. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so unheard, without a voice with him as in that moment. I know I was feeling some strong emotions, and I know he had some going on too which is always interesting, I think, when they’re having whatever their equivalent of feelings is.

After that whole event where I very seriously told him to back down (I’ve used that tone/energy with him probably 2 times ever), we had a chat about what needed to happen.

Paraphrased Conversation

Paraphrased Conversation:

Me: It’s 3:30am I’m not burning incense right now to meditate with.

Dantalion: Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it while you’re asleep.

Me: I wanna know what you’re doing though.

Dantalion: Go to sleep. I’ll do it now.

Me: *Gets into bed. Has same weird uncomfortable feelings as before. * What is this?

Dantalion: You might want to grab something (that you like holding. It’s not going to feel any better and you’re always talking about objects being grounding).

---

And then, even in bed in low-level meditation with a “grounding object” (a stuffed animal my little brother once gave me because it wasn’t going to be a pointy rock) it definitely did not feel any better, I tapped out, turned over, gave him permission to do the thing, and went to sleep.

This morning I woke up sans (without) feeling for this traitor-human. They were just fucking gone. Completely. It’s a bit weird and it took me a moment to get used to. But, tis done and I am content with it. Not sure I’d recommend doing this for everyone annoying in life, but this traitor-human and I had a connection that needed some actual severance. It’s been a good day. I don’t miss the human, want to talk with him, or really anything else. I mean, it’s not like I want anything bad to happen to him, but that would also require being emotionally invested? It’s just blank where it was not in any way before I went to bed.

TL;DR: Here’s the bottom line. Dantalion, overnight or in less time, severed my connection with another human that I once intentionally and deeply (to the literal best of my ability at the time) bound myself to. Intense, strange feeling experience, but I was also asleep (and don’t have lingering feelings/memories) for most of it.

How Spirits Manipulate Us

…Yeah

If you thought I went through that whole thing without considering how I was being manipulated… nope. Being manipulated by a spirit I respect, admire, and am in a pact with isn’t really one of my top favorite things to realize with this much shocking clarity, nor is it really my favorite thing to post about. That said, I think it’s glaringly obvious how this is an example of a spirit manipulating a person.

(I’d like to elaborate, this ins’t the first or only time I’ve felt subjected to his manipulations, that’d be really bad if it were the first time I was realizing. I’m talking about this particular instance above.)

Dantalion and I are close. I trust him an incredible amount. I also understand he’s possessive, protective, and a djinn at heart.

When he showed up ready to tear this binding to shreds, it was pretty easy to see the blatant manipulation play going on. If he could make this person look even worse than I already view them, could have me understand that he, Dantalion, could help, and could have me ask then I’d be more his. I’d be less likely to run away, less likely to break the pact, less likely to walk into another’s sphere of influence over choosing his.

That’s part of the issue I took with him beginning this escapade without allowing me a moment to hear about it from him or even agree. So eager to rush in and destroy things (which I’m thankful for, but would have liked to agree to before he began) that it wasn’t even masked how much a play at possessiveness this really was. Couldn’t have given me a moment to reason through it with him (like I was planning) because maybe I’d back out. Who knows? Maybe I would have. But the point isn’t that, it’s how often and how easily they manipulate us just as we do each other and just as do them. All trying to get our way, all avoiding certain topics and conversations hoping it’ll lead us closer to our goals.

TL;DR for this section: Dantalion’s play at manipulating me. Spirits have agendas just like humans do. Watch for it because it’s there even if the details are still cloudy.

To my lovely dandelion djinn, Dantalion,

Thanks for the fun manipulation tactics. Don’t really enjoy it, but I guess it’s nice you were obvious about it instead of trying to hide it. We’ll be having a real talk on it later (when you show me how to do the thing for my notes). Looking forward to it!

For what you’ve taken, this is what you’ll give me.

[Laurel_Spider]

In other news, I got this beautiful Ocean Jasper flame in the mail.

The shape fits perfectly into a right hand, with space for fingers (all four that most humans have) to wrap around and a couple places a thumb can comfortably rest when holding.

[Laurel_Spider]

Dantalion 21

Just some stuff from last night/this morning’s 3am ritual. September 26, 2022.

Please don’t try this at home; this is your warning that this is dangerous. It’s not fun, it’s intense, it’s scary, and I’m pretty sure permanent.

I was going to give this post a real name, like a title that makes sense. But then, I couldn’t figure out how to in a way that wasn’t insanely uncomfortable and borderline about to make me start freaking out for not a good enough reason. This post is about pulling out feelings for another person though.

So a few nights ago–and I posted about this 2 posts up–Dantalion showed up to gauge out my feelings for another human. I demanded he show me how. Thus, this ritual happened. I was sitting on a pillow on the floor for most of it, I did end up laying down to put it mildly and there’s a bit of time where I was gently unconscious after the main event and before I closed ritual.

I had on Jasmine incense as a break/change up from Sandalwood for Dantalion, his candle and my familiar’s lit. He told me to turn out the other candle before we started. And this is a ritual I recorded because I can talk, just not open my eyes apparently during these types of things (where he takes me to wander another plane and toy with my energy/energy body/body).

I knew it was going to be uncomfortable, but holy hell I did not know what I was in for. I’d had a preview, but I was not expecting that level of physical and “physical” (energetic? astral?) distress. Do not recommend. There’s a reason he suggested I be asleep multiple times over the course of multiple days.

Now for those humans that need a reminder and to be told idgaf what problems they run into trying, I’m not responsible for it…Danger Warning. Please don’t try unless you’re sure it’ll be fine no matter what happens, can “drop mind” fast, well, & deep; and aren’t scared to feel like you absolutely can’t breathe or move your body.

---

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Ritual

Summary: I call Dantalion. I ask him to show me something. He does.
Notes: “Me/Dantalion:” is dialogue. Anything in italics is narration. Anything in (parentheses) is added in. I’ve cut out some shorter portions here and there, but it flows fine I think. I like to swear, but what you’ll see down further is extreme even for me. I get kinda freaked out several times, just so you know in advance.

---

Me: Dantalion, I call you here to show me how you did something a few nights ago. To show me how you unthread one person’s energy from another, to show me how you unbound me from someone else, to show me how you just took away all my fucking emotions about another human that I have been bound to for so long. I’m calling you here so I can know what happened and how you did it.

Dantalion: I am here. Come with me, and I will show you. I will show you what you are here asking to learn though it may not be too your benefit now.

He extends his left hand. It is dark, a black color like stone. Like it is cracking a little bit for fire to come out. He assures me it will not burn so I take his hand. My right hand in his left hand and he steps forward. He is wearing a long dark red, (with) black skit today, and (decorative? fancy?) boots. the skirt is slip up the left side, it’s nearly sheer (shimmer/sheer style fabric). Just a simple cloth, long and flowy. He does not wear a shirt. He is the same dark (stone) color in the chest and face. But I cannot make out his face, it is like is folding it beneath shadows. His hair is long and black and thick. His eyes seem to have eyeliner on them, dark and thick it waves out at the end(s). And it’s beautiful. They glow red. They are black around the red. Red iris, red pupil, black sclera. He is beautiful.

I am reminded of the moment when he showed me, with all that fear and anxiety and anguish of that place. That place behind those curtains when I asked what would happen if he broke the pact. I have not meant to break our pact, but I must still be better at keeping it. He asks for blood. I am not in the mood to give blood tonight.

D: As an entry fee.

I do not understand what that means. He tells me not to worry about it for now, it’s not needed.

D: This is an uncomfortable procedure.

As if the word “procedure” could be comfortable at all.

D: You must hold still and you must not be afraid, but “open”.

M: I do not understand why we are doing this on myself. My feelings for this person have already been purged. I would not like to forget my feelings for another person. It was instantaneous when–

D: Not instantaneous. 2 hours. 2 hours for them to drain.

I wonder if that’s true. If it possible for all the feelings one has ever felt for someone to simply be gone in a span of 2 hours. But it must be.

D: Sit still.

M: I am sitting still now.

D: You should lay down.

But I would rather not. I’m holding the ocean jasper flame in one hand, the phone in the strap of my tank top to keep it in place. He puts a hand–his left hand–flat on my back. We are somewhere open, somewhere like a desert. But it is not a desert and it is not on this plane.

D: I have brought you here so you might feel comfortable in this place. But it is not a real place.

I tell him I would like to go to a real place, he nods. He takes my right hand in his left again. A little tighter. The entryway, I understand now. Of course we are walking through a stone archway (triangular or draped). The stone is beautiful, it is elegant and carved. There are vines carved on (into) it. We step through and they (I guess doors?) close behind us with a thud. Not too loud, but enough. I feel like we are entering into a church or a library or someplace of such significance (don’t ask me what that means, I think just the grave, quiet atmosphere). He walks forwards; there is a little fire growing.

D: For you to feel comfortable.

There is a pillow–purple–on the ground. It has little golden tassels, 4 of them in each corner like the magic carpet in aladd!n.

D: For you.

There is something about not having my back to a chair, something about him wanting to touch it. I sit, legs crossed but not tight against my body.

(CONFIDENTIAL THINGS HAPPEN. MOSTLY A DAMN GOOD LOOK AT ONE/A COUPLE OF MY WARDS AND CONVERSATION THAT IS NICE, BUT NOT DIRECTLY ABOUT THE “EVENT” TO COME. MY FAMILIAR SHOWS HIS PRESANCE AS WELL.)

D: Drop down lower.
(He means I’m too conscious, too “awake,” and liable to move around and make this into something dangerous if I’m too “in” myself.)

I do my trick and “drop.”

D: You are afraid. / Drop again. / Once more.

D: What you feel is not real. What you feel will not hurt you.

There is a hand on my back, lower down. It pushes in and grabs something inside of me. (This is where the panicky breathing starts and I feel my whole body tense up.) I’m scared. I feel like panicking. His hand is higher up, it’s in my rib cage grabbing at something towards the front. It’s not my heart or my lungs, something just behind my sternum.

D: Where feelings grow. Where they must be plucked.

(Extreme uncomfortable feelings. I’m not copying over the actual words. Just not fun and awful. I feel it intense as can be on the astral and also my physical body is reacting.)

D: Drop.

I do.

It’s like his nails are brushing against the inside of my sternum from the inside. Sideways from right to left and then sweeping from top to bottom. He finds a place and pinches it. (Let me explain. It’s like a bunch of little bubbles floating around in the general chest area. I’m not sure how many there are supposed to be or what determines that or what they each are. There’s just several+ little bubbles inside the energy body. My use of the word sternum is because that’s the best I can do and because it felt like this was in my actual body as well as where we were.)

D: These are the feelings that you carry for someone.

He moves his hand up and pinches another one, says the same thing. There are so many of these. I do not understand where they are growing from.

D: In the astral, with the energy body, feelings are subject to grow anywhere within people, within you. They are to be close to the heart, but not so close they may affect its functionality.
(^ I don’t know if he means always, or in certain cases.)

My hair (untied) shifts from back from front and falls forward a bit. I think maybe he’s petting my head or something. He draws his hand back slightly, it’s in the middle of my chest. He grabs around something and tugs. I feel like I am being unplugged. I am leaning backwards now, so far back I think I will fall (my physical body was tipping back). He does not let me. I move to sit up but it’s like I’m not in my body when I do.

D: Hush [—], do not worry. I will not let anything bad happen to you. Let me finish taking those feelings which I did not take, you have been thinking about that man too much again.

M: I know I have been, but still.

D: Let me take you somewhere else then.

He helps me stand (in the room with the pillow and the fire on the astral) to my feet. We walk out a door that we must have walked through to get in here. It was closed. I turn back, my right hand in his left, to see the fire out now. I want to go to the left, but he tugs me to the right (the reason for this is that you “aren’t suppose to go backwards in the maze”.) We walk a few doors down and he pushes it open. We step in. He pulls me in (playfully, not meanly). I am wearing a dress now? Purple I think. There is a lot of purple in this place. The curtains are purple, the walls seem to be lined with some purple glowing gold colors. This is the room that I was in before. With the big black mirror across the room, the dresser to the right, the [other thing] to the left.

Physical body: Knees against my chest, head on my right knee. Arms loose around my ankles. Eyes still closed because they refuse to open for some reason with workings like this.

D: Have a seat.

I sit on the couch. He kneels before me.

D: Do you trust me?

M: Yes, of course I do.

D: Even after last time?
(I’m not recounting that incident here, just there was something that happened.)

M: Yes, after “last time,” I trust you, Dantalion.

D: Drop. / Breathe. / Lay back. / Turn.

I am laying on my stomach, with my feet towards the dresser. (In the room we’re in, not physical body. I cross my hands beneath my head, turn my face in towards the back of the couch.

D: [Says something nice.]

He stops on my back, both hands there. He says something to keep me still, calm (because I know some portion of what’s coming). I am getting goosebumps (physical body), I feel like my throat is tighter (Note: my familiar likes to wrap his hand around my throat). I want to break/get out of this but I will not, cannot I think. His left hand starts with his palm closed, fingers pointed down. It opens and as it opens it sinks into me. He says to be calm again.

D: Let me have this.

He wraps his hand around something inside of me. It is glowing and golden, looks like a transparent potato’s aura. It is something, an energy of love or longing that lives in my heart for a person specifically. He pulls and it feels stuck. He puts his left hand on my shoulder blade, it helps me to keep still and also to not freak out about what’s going on.

D: This is how it is done.

He pulls his fingers through my heart, it must be my heart, some enlarged shadow version, aura, of it. He pulls his fingers through it. They go through, clear, transparent. Then again…he does it and they get caught on this golden thing. He pulls and the whole thing tugs. I do not feel it in my physical body (yet) but I do (feel) where he is doing it.

D: Once was enough for you to have to feel it physically, I believe.
(He’s referring to the first night he did this.)

M: I agree.

D: [Something nice/calming.] Now relax and let me have it.

M: What are you taking?

D: The rest of what was meant to go before. The longing, the despair, the empty loneliness. I am unconvinced. The part of you that loves him despite all he has done to you. Despite not trusting him.

He puts his hand in again, latching onto this glowing golden shape. He tugs and it begins to go with him to follow his hand. His left hand now involved. It is in my back, at the center.

(SO HERE’S THE FIRST MAIN PORTION OF THE PANICKING AND NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATHE. THIS PART IMPACTED/I FELT IN MY PHYSICAL BODY. IT’S FOLLOWED/COMBINED WITH:)

M: I don’t want to do this. x5
M: I’m scared. I don’t want to do this.

D: Be calm. Be still. I will not if you tell me not to.

(I calm down a little bit.)

M: fuck fuck fuck

He pets my head with his left hand.

D: See now why this is best done asleep?
(^ Not in a mean way)

M: I agree. Holy fuck.

(MORE PANICKY BREATHING.)

His left hand on my shoulder again, shoulder/back, and he begins to pull and it’s the same fucking awful feeling. I want to hurt myself. I’m getting physically very agitated by this. He tells me to stop moving and pauses what he’s doing.

M: What happens with ‘it’ afterwards?

D: Once it is out of your body, it is not your concern.

M: But where does it go, though?

He seems reluctant to tell me. Like he does not want me to know. He says he rubs the golden thing and it vanishes, just the tail end of it remaining. It is like a potato with a string running through it.

D: Leave that to me.

He begins again. His fingers have gone through once on the way there and now they are pulling back. He is pulling down and I can’t stand it. I can’t handle it, but at least I’m not panicking again. I really feel like I can’t, like my heart is struggling to catch onto it. (Explanation: It felt like my “heart” and this golden thing were overlapping and that when one was pulled the other wanted to go with. Hence, I couldn’t breathe, it was scary, and it fucking hurt on some weird level.) One hand on my neck,

D: It’s not about ripping. Still, hold still.

I feel light headed and dizzy. It’s going now. It’s going to snap, the little chain thing. Pulling, pulling, pulling. It’s like he unhooks it from me instead of letting it “snap.”

M: fuck fuck fuck

(I CAN’T BREATHE AGAIN, WHAT A SURPRISE.)

M: [Lots of swear words and other exclamatory language. This goes on for a while.]

My head feels empty, cloudy. All at once. It, at the end it was really intense. I swear a bunch more. He’s being really nice. He calls this room in his maze “my room” (and I’m so confused about that but also…) My heads feels light and loose, especially near the top it feels…I don’t know…fucking insane. Different, just alleviated of something. Like something was just gently pulled out from the side. (There’s a disconnect between the last line and this one, but I felt out of my mind so…) I told him to pull at the last bit (he offered to stop earlier on at my request). It was, I couldn’t breathe or talk. I don’t even have the words for it now, not that I did then, but holy shit. [More expletive language.] He reached in with his hand and when the pulling wasn’t doing what he wanted it to (a huge assumption on my part there), or what it was supposed to (another one), it’s like he unlatched something that the top string was attached to.

M: [So much swearing.]

[I end up laying down, said in a nice way], [so much swearing, just assume I’m swearing for the whole rest of this], his hand is on my head or in my hair.

M: Fuck fuck, that was intense.

D: We should close. You should go home.

But I feel like I am home, I feel like I want to be underneath of this couch or in the bed I know must be somewhere around here. Maybe it’s behind the couch. I want to stay here.

D: No, not today.

(So I get up–from the couch I’m laying on in this room in his maze–and we walk through the hall and out a door/gate. There’s a part, it’s like those diagrams of demons possessing people. I was “outside” myself, and then in my room with myself. Then my hands (astral) on my shoulders (physical body) and I jumped/popped back in. So I’m coherent mostly after this and sit up to close ritual. There’s still swearing every other word.)

I have like no emotions toward that man at all. There’s just like a blanket swept away, fucking hell. Fucking crazy. We’ll see how I wake up tomorrow about that.

D: No, they will not creep back.

I was gonna say ‘we’ll see if they creepy back’ so he used my phrase on that one. I fucking saw a face in the mirror [more swears, then a description]. Then ritual close.

---

[Laurel_Spider]

A Continuation / Closing Notes

So… lesson learned on maybe not rushing into things I’m told might not be a fun experience. On the other hand, I learned you can essentially stick a hand into someone’s chest and pull out their feelings. I’m interested in tampering too, but I think I’ll wait on that one after last night’s experience. It was a weird combination of feeling things in my actual body and in the energy sense. For the most part, he always had least one hand on me. He told me to calm down so many fucking times…and maybe I’ll listen next time he suggests we not do something, but then how could I not have asked? This is something he’s known for too, people ask all kinds of questions on having him remove feelings. Of course when the opportunity walked into my lap I had to know how it’s done.

Anyways, I clearly didn’t post a real how-to, this is just the ritual. So, to put this clearly, I’m not giving instructions on how to do it here. I won’t be until I’ve done it on someone else because how can I say I have a real how-to unless I’ve tried it out. Might be a while.

Hit me up though if you’re interested, obviously I’m gonna ask when you sleep so this shit doesn’t happen. If something comes of this, I’ll consider posting a how-to then.

Some ‘day after’ notes are that I have no emotions at all towards that human. I feel like I’m hitting/facing a wall anytime I try to think about what those might have been, or how they felt, or think about wanting to touch/feel them. It’s really weird. Uncomfortable. And also I think it’s permanent. I’m not sure if it’s possible to get them back or grow new ones. Yeah, but it’s all gone. All the way.

That was my 3-4am.

[Laurel_Spider]

Underground Caves with Shax

September 27, 2022.

Earlier today I met with Shax, just a quick and informal meeting. I said his name about 20 times from bed and asked him to drop by. After a quick and short clearing of my mind so as to not impact this with other things going on I ended up in the blackness that comes before meeting with spirits this way, or at least it often does for me.

I was quickly aware that it felt like I travelling down not only because that’s an effect of one of “shortcuts” I use to alter my mind state into this, but also because it was like I’d jumped down a hole and finally landed at the bottom. It was black all around with a small light hanging maybe above me. I was in a tunnel I realized and suddenly Shax came out from one side (my left) in true to form, hiding in the shadows, creepy Shax style.

He led me over down the tunnel until we hit a door. I said I wasn’t going in there without someone because although I respect Shax a lot and find him fun, likable, and the perfect amount of ‘oh shit you’re scary,’ we’ve had a conversation before that makes me feel uncomfortable wandering places on other planes like this just him and I.

I called my familiar. And Shax just laughed. So I tried again, I called Dantalion. He stopped laughing. We all go in and it’s like a cute little cottage inside except the energy in there is not cute-little-cottage compatible. I don’t get the feeling he’s in here very often, more like it’s a little illusionary bubble for us to have a chat in since I wasn’t in ritual.

I asked him about a private topic and he responded.

Then, my phone went off and in response Dantalion said, “drop.” (He means to focus on what’s at hand and drop into this, to cut off more my connection with the “real world.”) Shax smiles his fun creepy smile and says, “He commands you.”

I go to argue, but I really can’t. Then he continues, “The demons you (often?) command, command you also.” I agree, because I have to. I have several spirits that tell me what to do, and I do it, sometimes no questions asked. I think there’s something to be said about trust, motive, and ability to refuse too though.

He said a couple more private things. And I thanked him for meeting, then we left. There were so many stairs to get out of there. Once at the top, there was a little circular doorway (like the real ones that lead underground but nicer, or those ones they show in movies that are lying out in the desert as escape paths).

---

He did show me something cool about the way he handles targets. He is known for taking away senses, but he also removes a person (or whatever other thing) from view of others. Shax is a lot of creepy dark shadows, he’s birdlike yes, but also so much else. So I’d imagine when a person calls him, or “summons” him, that person finds themselves in the seat (eye, center) of this shadow circle. But when a person is targeted, they also find themselves in that same place: inside his contraption with no way out. Realistically, I’d say you’d either have to barter with him to be let out, call another spirit of greater power, or be someone with greater power than Shax himself (or than what he’s willing to give into this shadow net).

No blue background obviously, and not pixelated but like smooth shadows.

[Laurel_Spider]

Curse Work Fun With SITRI!

(Just a d!ck binding and some obsessive nonsense)

Someone had the audacity to call me a “moron” and I’m annoyed. I figure it’s a man, because they write like one. Aside from that, he just had a “love” working go through (that he paid someone for according to him) and it’s turned sour and extreme really fucking fast.

Can’t wait to play with that!! So…instead of him having an issue getting it up, I think it should always be up. And because he had/has an obsessive ex back, I think she (I’m pretty sure) should be ruining his life extra extra!! Hence…

Sitri

Ritual was planned for tomorrow, but I just got a threat

So, for this ritual, I’m asking Prince Sitri to throw a glamour on the man and have him be absolutely irresistible (in a non-fun way) at all hours, waking and non. And, of course, I want his insane obsessed “past ex” to be fawning over him, stalker level & intensity. I want the “past ex” to want him all day and all night and never ending madness, I want it so keyed up it fucks with him eternally. Even if she doesn’t last all his life, I want this experience to stay with him forever and ever. I want his dick bound upright without exception. I don’t think it can always stay that way, but enough hours of the day/night that he’s in constant turmoil and it’s a (very impactful) public issue for him.

Ritual will be incense (patchouli and either dragon’s blood or something I have called “Full Moon”), candles of course. I’ll evoke Sitri, and do a blood offering tonight. No fun “toys” (poppets, pictures, etc.) but Sitri and I are close and I’m confident in his ability to grant my wishes and enjoy the suffering that comes of sexuality. Probably no updates sadly because…'tis someone on the internet… but maybe if I’m lucky it’ll be reflected in a post or two on the platform where he decided to insult and threaten me like a dumbfuck intent on being screwed over in life.

Maybe I’ll post a little about ritual…not sure yet. I don’t like broadcasting my curses, but also it’s not like I’ll really see this fully come to fruition, probably, so might as well.

[Mythopoeia]

@Laurel_Spider

Probably no updates sadly because…'tis someone on the internet… but maybe if I’m lucky it’ll be reflected in a post or two

Sometimes I wonder if these kinds of workings are bound to be more successful, because we can wash our hands of them and let the magical work.

[Laurel_Spider]

I’ve also wondered about that. It’s nice to not focus on them so much, just trusting. Then again, it’s kinda annoying to miss the fallout.

[Veil]

@Laurel_Spider

I want his dick bound upright without exception. I don’t think it can always stay that way, but enough hours of the day/night that he’s in constant turmoil and it’s a (very impactful) public issue for him.

I would like to note that this can cause severe medical issues for the one who suffers from it such a pity