On Those Things Outside of Control
I am of the belief that there are certain things you cannot control, by way of there is always something out there bigger and “badder” than you that could want something opposite of what your working is for. This is what I relate to my “boulder theory” mentioned in the On Magic and Effort thread.
Death, return of exes, job prospects… Boulders.
I have two examples where I ran into boulders, one I overcame and another–I’m suspecting I won’t.
The Baneful Boulder
A boulder I think I lifted
The first, a baneful working, which I was able to bust. Of course, Mysterious mentioned after the fact–as he tends to do, as if casually mentioning he forgot to purchase an item from a grocery list I gave him–that the curse/hex/baneful work was not the result of someone human, which led to a whole bunch of shit that I still can’t talk about without getting quite emotional. I did a working, including a candle ritual, to put a big ole “return to sender” on that bullshit, only for them to uno-reverse me.
It was a back and forth, but they wound up leaving K alone, so I chalk that up in the win column.
If I die and this stuff happens to be real (because one can never be 100% sure), I am going to go out of my way to find a table of similar structure and style, then I’m going to beat someone to death with it.
The “Right” Thing Boulder
A boulder I couldn't lift
For the record, K nor myself would be heartbroken if she cannot come here, but it is a great example of something I think I will not be able to win. Do I think that the person that I’m opposing is my boss, who already has their eye on someone–though less qualified–because they know them personally? Yes. Though, I feel weird being judgemental about it because I also proposed someone I personally know, I guess I just believe that because of how qualified K is, especially in comparison to the candidate they’re probably going to hire, they should at least interview her.
I am seeing now, though, that they likely created this position just for this guy and that they had K apply just for the sake of hiding that they did this. It makes me sad. I just don’t like when people use others, K or not.
I list this as a “fail” because I have charged the job jar I made with a candle every single day back-to-back except when I’m sleeping. I do suspect that my work will not get her the interview, and I do believe it’s related to this not being a part of the path that she’s supposed to follow.
Still sad the method we get here, but I feel somewhat better that at least there is a grander purpose. It has also led me to reconsider my opinions of my leaders, which I have rode the fence on for a long time. I’ve been caught between two frenemies–my current boss and their boss (who also used to be my boss). I trust neither of them now, though I’m not sure why the insurmountable evidence before now didn’t lead me to distrust sooner. (Let’s be honest–I keep holding out people will do the right thing. I need someone to give me some faith in humanity sometimes.)
Mysterious told me that he had some personal investment in K, and that he would see her current bad situation didn’t get too bad, but seemed to imply he didn’t think moving to my company was the best move for her. Also brought me some comfort. I thought about reaching out to one of my Goetia partners, but I don’t often try to go against Mysterious when he’s told me his stance on something. He hasn’t led me astray yet since becoming his “whole self,” so I’m feeling a lot more trusting these days.
We’ll continue to see how it plays out.
