I’m going to be descriptive, but not necessarily representative of what the word cohesion might mean.
I’m going to be descriptive, but not necessarily representative of what the word cohesion might mean.
26 / o9 / 2o22
I’ve tried to not think in the last days cause now everything is becoming clear, it is disheartening yet written, there’s no way I could even ignore, hence why I’m grateful of being frightened at all the times, no matter what, it made me deeply vigilant of everything.
When I’m in full control of my mind the detachment comes, I stop being sentient or cognizant, that’s the moment where my soul is in peace and I can act with no guilt or resentment.
And it’s weird cause years of questions about how that exercise can affect us, the substance was absent from those old texts, the need was present.
I’ve had company in my dreams, something that I did not expect.
In my dreams I killed a black fox then the animal was out of my sight, I was standing in the middle of my bath with the black and soft skin of the fox, washing away the blood.
And it’s curious, everyone thinks that it’s something unchangeable but it can be easily bended according to will and skill, the skill that I don’t possess, my need for assistance.
The next day something happened, after a long year of failed intent my target was susceptible and recived with open arms my best wishes.
I’ve never heard the Aubrey Hepburn version of Moon River. Thanks.
2o / 1o / 2o22
Nothing new, except for the fact that October has always been one of the worse months in the year for me. It’s a personal cycle that always gets repeated… Don’t know if I spelled that in the right way, it doesn’t matter.
Mom says that I should think about that cause it can be a way of re-inforce the bad luck, well I’m doing as much as I can to calm the fuck down and have a better approach for this situation.
Well, now I don’t think I’m in good terms with a spirit that I used to work with and I honestly don’t care and it’s perfect cause I’m not scared of the consequences of breaking a pact.
Well, now I’m facing one of those consequences. I lost an important amount of money that I was supposed to received.
I’m pretty indifferent, not gonna lie, the true is that I’m going through the sunset of my life (personal choice and half astrological if you intend to know me a bit) and yeah, I don’t give a fuck. Now I want to give myself the benefit of dignity and compassion cause I deserve it!
I’ve started to mediate though! The good part is that I’m re wiring my brain and that’s totally amazing. That’s also something that is not mentioned when you ask for the benefits of meditation. They often go and tell you that it can open your chakras (which I consider to be important don’t get me wrong) but they don’t mention the part where you can literally hack you brain and… Yeah, that’s equally important to me.
Btw, I forgot to mention but I was in desperate need of money.
Second: I tend to get really obsessed. My imagination gets really active to the point of feeling the sense of touching, breathing, the texture, the reactions until I have a full picture of the person I’m visualizing to get fun.
The third thing I want to mention is that I thought my obsessive tendencies were just fantasies with no porpuse but I imagined this person giving me money and what happened the next day was awesome cause I received the exact amount of money that I needed and that I visualized… So yeah, all this may not be compelling but I did it.
Shit, I’m terrified. What if this person is aware of all this magick crap? What if I was percieved by this person? No, it will NOT happen again. I will the exact same thing but using another individual. Lol
So, I’m trying to understand the functionality of my natal chart.
First, my birthday happened during the eclipse which is… Interesting. There’s the change of being a complete different person by my next birthday.
Also, we need to talk about my rising ‘sings’.
Saturn has been in my rising for 2-3 years and it has completely structured the way I present
Saturn will be situated in pisces, my ‘second’ rising. Time to structure my emotions too, that’s cool!
I didn’t mention this, but Pluto will be in Aquarius in March… Again, my official rising sing will be in a ‘bad’ position for almost 20 years and I’m going to face a lot of transformation, even death.
And if that’s not enough, well lemme tell you, the nodes are in Taurus and Scorpio and… my nodes are also positioned in Taurus and Scorpio, so I’m being amplified?
I feel like I’m in the middle of a pouring rain made of fire.
So, let me explain y’all what has happened in the last moths.
I was playing with my mind, it wasn’t something serious. Just being imaginative with someone, but I wasn’t aware that I was doing magick, that I was projecting myself, so I asked this person for money, nothing new, and he accepted and then physically I received the money.
And I thought, woah, this is so cool, but I didn’t try that again cause, you know, laziness.
For those who don’t know I’m simultaneously living my dream and my worst nightmare, there are things that need to be done inmediatly and If I don’t take action I’m going to be consumed, but, unfortunately, in order to take action I require money.
And I’m changing, I swear in the name of Pluto and Saturn that I’m changing, because my astrologer said to me that I have the “malignant” ones in the most “difficult” places for the next 3-20 years, that I’m going to lose something, that I’m going to be wracked inside-out in this transition.
In other types of situations I would never do something like that but who cares, this is an emergency, so I repeated my technique (a combination of daydreaming, visualization, actual dreams and trance states) with this mysterious guy and he accepted (again). He gave money in my visualization and two days after that I received tangible money
Something to be considered: I just realized that today is his birthday and that’s wild and it makes complete sense!
Just before my birthday my energy is consumed, I’m being tormeted by things that I cannot control, it’s almost impossible to protect myself from any kind of attacks… See what I’m doing here?
No worries, because on my birthday my energy is renewed again. Lol.
And I thought this was something that only happened to me (and half of the members of my family, to be honest) but it seems that this guy is also affected by this, perhaps? He was vulnerable!!!
And, It’s obvious that I vampirized the poor guy cause now he’s sick (covid) aand, guess what!? I’m also sick
I absorbed his sickness, how stupid am I?
Horrible, I didn’t protect myself and now I’m suffering the consequences.
And, what can I say. I’m not going to repeat my things with him, cause he seems to be a nice person, but I can’t say the same thing with other people that actually deserves to be ‘drained’.
Well, I guess at the end of the day I’m capable of doing magick, that’s amazing.
I also use active imagination in my magic.
o6 / 12 / 2o22
I watched a video about how to charge sigils and all that stuff. This girl was explaining how she went to a theme park to charge a sigil (using strong emotions, something like that) and I thought about doing something… similar.
I have a little ‘electric shock machine’ (lol, not even close, but let’s call it in that way) and I’m planning to implement the ‘shocks’ to help and charge my sigils. I know, sound stupid, but I’ll give it a try and see what happens
Well, I come from a family where the deceased are ritualised with the use of electric shocks to ‘bring back their soul’ and other type of things that I cannot comprehend because that information is only reserved for the members of The Club™.
That’s sad, man.
Well, back to out initial point, I’ll be using electricity to charge sigils, that’s all.
And a little comment about my last post. The dude seem to be okat (AAAAHHHHHHH, why am I feeling regretful? Nononono, that’s NOT what a practitioner does!) And he seems to be better, the sickness is gone and I’m also feeling better. My flu is gone.
That’s so fucking weird, but who cares.
Btw, where in Sagittarius season, and The Astrologer™ said that is about idealising other people (I’ll be using this one, to manipulate my image) and also about expansion, for the good and the bad.
I’m feeling over charged, I dunno if that’s a product of the season, or perhaps is just Mars, the planet that’s is flavouring my ascendant.
Either way, what a bliss.
See you next time
Also working with sigils, but I’m using abstraction: I create ones with base meaning like an object and then make other more specific sigils out of them such as a dog.
My abstract sigil is the all seeing eye of the hidden ones.
This is from my journal and any kind of inconveniences will be corrected during the process:
•“I’ve noticed something. People that are favoured by the starts / their zodiac season tend to be an incredible source of values and can also be used as a battery because they act as an achors to those positive positions.
•The closer the individual is to their birthday the less defenses/energy will have (?). It is not recommended to perform any kind of intervention after the birthday.”
•“If you want to do baneful stuff to people it’s is posible if you bond them with animals that shares similar trails to the target. It is extremely cruel, but If you want a person to be sick, get an animal that is sick and bond them by putting the name of the target on the animal, etc.”
o9 / 12 / 2o22
My mother’s is suffering now ✓
Usually, when we save someone we absorb the thing that was supposed to happen to that individual, being, etc. It can be avoided or transmuted into something… Less dangerous, but she was lacking energy and focus so the treatment could not be done.
And I warned her, I explained this to her but she did what she did & saved a poor doggie that was injured and helped the poor creature during the whole recovery.
Totally okay, it’s not my work to changes others people minds, but guess what!?
Now she’s the one that is ‘affected’ by a similar injury & now she’s expecting me to… help her
I’m not going to do any type of healing for her. She must be responsible and learn that I’m not going to lose my time doing stuff that I didn’t asked for… In fact, her suffering is nurturing me, (and she kinda deserves it).
Sometimes she’s abusive with me, she adores to put me in situations that triggers panic and fear to get things from me.
Mmmmm, I have the impression that perhabs I manifested that
Well, let’s talk about other things.
↑ I was checking my sketch book from june and I noticed a familiar face that I recently met. That confirms my speculations. I’m capable of using drawing as a form of divination and manifestation.
How beautiful, the things that can be found through art, pure magic.
Except this isn’t necessarily the case, but believing it can make it so.
Well, it’s the case for us because it happens, not so sure about the part of believe in that, I’m still trying to understand
That’s the advice, go and embrace that which you cannot avoid ✓
I’m using different parts of my body to draw things and give them entrance through the parts they represent and it’s working, I’m already feeling the cold and diplomatic tension on my skin.
17 / o4 / 2o23
I honestly didn’t pay that much attention to any of this occult stuff, I got thousands of things to worry about, like… all the time, I was born in the disgrace and somehow the disgrace always follows me.
So I’ve been re-visiting my notes on Magick and I’m stupid, I don’t practice that often (again, I was born into mess so it’s completely normal) but I recognize my intuition and I know when something will not work for me.
I see that most of the formulas (surface level) don’t macht the requirements that I need to met.
First, the intent.
I’m a intent oriened person, I love stories for a very specific reason, and it is because the process, the steps and the levels of ignition that is caused by the realization of something is very powerful to enter different places where the reality can be approached differently.
And I think that same level of story telling can serve to enhance magick (take a shot everytime I mention that word).
Those are the two most valuable things I’ve learned:
REVERTING THE ALGORITHM OF THE MAGICAN’S MIND
Your Magick can be impregnated by some of your energy, but what kind of energy?
don’t be so vague, that doesn’t tell me anything!
Well, I mean, your mind, your biases, your memory and psique are connected with the way you perform any of your ocultish practices.
If the magican has a mind that use the comparisons and the vast use of external factors to determine their worth (ego) I can use the same programming to undone the (or some of their) works.
I can make something that the mage sees as superior, moral superiority, superiority of values, material superiority, superiority of will power (if the mage see the will power as something valuable) that’s, THAT IS something that will make the practitioner doubt, and once the seed of doubt has been planted the loop of self destruction and sabotage becomes inevitable.
DIVISION / CONFLICT OF INTENTION
Make conflict, divide their desires.
If they want to destroy you, make’em love you, or at least make’em see you as something that shares interests with them.
But if you want them to have a tie of affection to you, you got to expand your actions beyond the sphere of familiarity that the both of you share.
Give something unexpected, it can be art, everyone loves art!
It can a be delicious food, something beautiful, a reminder of their loved ones, unexpected help.
Make yourself likable, if that’s possible, that will provoke a peculiar reaction from them, they will start seeing themselves as incompetent according to their system of Magick, because most of the mages base their baneful intention on hatred and antagonistic position, so what happens when their position change and they start seeing in you in a different light?
(willingly or unwillingly)
This is so awesome, most of the people talk about patriarchal centered religions & I always felt like I needed to know something more.
Now I’m glad.
o9 / 11 / 2o23
I made a call the past month (evocation) I put all my intention and I asked to be heard by the right people and it did happen. Now I see love as a mafunction that only works when it’s broken, I have a community that listens to me when I talk… And that’s incredibly special to me.
I DID IT! After all those years of being completely alone and now I’m a part of something.
I still feel alone, my room is empty, my screams are silenced by my dear fear of being noticed.
Most the time I feel like a complete nobody, nobody listen, no one can see me. I’m boring and plain. Sometimes it feels like being the opposite of a magnet because everyone seems to be repulsed by my presence and I think magick can solve it. So I’ll be working on attracting the kind of attention that I consider to be positive and beneficial to me.
In the meanwhile, I have to transit this suffering and initiate actions. It’s hard but meditation has helped me to let Turiya happen to me and harvest Vairagia.
I meditate when I can. It’s essential, it’s like accessing the Source Code of my existence, it can be simple and chill, that’s all that I need.
I made a Samskara during a very difficult period, it was baptized by a Capricorn Stellium, the horrific influence of Mars and Pluto. She’s obscure, she’s the element of darkness, the person who has no fear and it’s prepared to be accepted by Mother Death, someone that I deeply admire.
(I wonder if Odin had something to do with that, there’s a YouTuber who talks about how Odin teaches you to not fear Death. At that time I asked for his aid)
I let the Samskara take control over this concept of “me” that I occupy during this existence, she helps me regain control, she’s there when everything is lost, she’s there when I’m completely devastated by everything.
At the beginning I thought it was something negative, but things change and the bad can mutate into something beneficial.
She’s my salvation in the present moment because I can be trapped.
Long story, I tried to contact someone last year, how imbecile, Suzanne, that’s very idiotic of you.
“When you’re in a emotional state you cannot solve problems, you try to fix in the external world and what you do? You end up creating more problems in that emotional mental state. That’s why you have to first, fix emotional problems and then go to the external”.
Guru said that and it was right.
I didn’t know what was like to be loved, until I joined that group.
The organiser said something like: “I’m very happy to be in this space and I love every one of you, not because you’re jointed to a specific function, but because you exist, and that’s all that matters to me”.
Bravo, I received love for the first time!
Not because I’m a daughter and I do as I’m told, or because I’m an actor of the horrible theatrical act that conforms social norms, for signing a contract where I offer you my exclusivity in exchange for your love and under the threat of punishment.
I was loved for my mere existence and now
I’m content for having that experience.
Last year I was desperate, I (think) I stablished a contact with something. I’m not sure if it’s a real person, maybe the higherself of said individual, a parasite, a thoughtform, a delusion.
Pisces has Neptune and now that is starting to leave it’s influence is getting stronger.
I don’t know if my visions and sensory activations are a product of this energy, but I don’t think it’s just me. I know how I feel, my capabilities, my limits and… Those embrances are too overwhelming to be considered to be part of my madness.
I’m confused, the astrologer says that when Neptune goes through the first the native is prone to be disappointed and confused, talks about the absorption of others and otherworldly matter into the self.
“Awareness precedes control.”
Now that I now that I’m vulnerable to absorb I can do something about it.
For example, Manipura governs the faculty of taking the external and make it part of us or digest it until there’s nothing but smoke.
I’ve done that because I tend to feel a lot, it’s so intense. It’s the gift of Pluto.
During the nights I sense it (and I’m talking about the thing I contacted (?)
That indicates that my protection are not that effective, I do my baths, I burn sage, I banish and ask to Angeles and Demons for purification, recite chants, activate sigils.
I think it’s my fault because I’m the one who’s still desperate for company and I don’t know if it’s real.
Samhain season brings the acceptance of Death, letting things go, go through mourning processes in order to resurrect when it’s time.
I have to accept that I don’t have that love, that I’m alone in many aspects and that if it’s true or delusion, I need to let it die.
There’s this specific meditation for ego.
You have to think about what you perceive as being you. It can be a set of failures or successes, the role that the human life assigned to you.
The Desidia and Desidium of your preference.
Even your twitter description.
“Breath in and when you breath out let that thing go, it can be ideas or desires, just let it go…
Now think again about who you are.”
I think about the remanences, I access my emotions, some intrusive thoughts. A random idea of what I think I might be. Then I got tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Breath in once more, be aware of your feelings and thoughts and when you breath out say: I let you go”.
And I became suspended, and I integrated myself into that which cannot be described but only experienced.
I accessed me in the space where there’s nothing and the “all” is not present.
The Dr. explained something interesting. You can open the door to spirituality when you go through so much suffering, he considers the pain and says that not everyone should experience that because he knows the implications (don’t want to use the word ‘cost’ because that’s economic language and I find it unnappropriate for this occasion)…
I’m thinking about this show: Undone.
There’s a clip where it explains everything:
"You have to be like the sky, let your emotions pass through you like the weather. (the bad and the good ones).
P.D. Articulation substitutes action. I can obtain my healing with processes that involves this Mercurial activity, and by doing that resurrect from my death.
This is a very deep insight, even if I don’t think I’ve understood all of it. And is always good to have an update