Notes, recipes, and memes

Finally got my stuff back from my ex’s place and will be sorting through the herbs and setting up the 3D printer over the week.
I made this crystal skull with a sprinkle of Gibeon meteorite shavings, prophecy stone, nuumite, blue onyx (aka lemurian blue calcite or Oceanite), rainbow moonstone, amethyst, indigo gabbro (mystical merlinite), and in the center there is a copper wrapped lemurian quartz point and some Girasol opal (milky quartz)








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Older, cantankerous man seeks dimly educated, sex crazed, blonde bombshell Beauty Queen between the ages of 18 to 25, who owns her own distillery. Preference given to those with open minded identical twin sister.

Al.

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I started a new gig earning $80-$130 per hour, depending on tips, cuddling with mostly older men. No touching anywhere typically covered by a bathing suit. Paid upfront so can walk out on handsy clients. Everyone on the site has to sign a contract with clearly defined rules / terms. Anyone who requests rule-breaking behavior or attempts to get handsy in person can be reported and subsequently banned. Not bad so far.
I want close my Etsy store soon since it is costing more to keep it open than I’m currently making from it. I’m going to try selling at local flea markets including a witchy one that’s open in the summer called Lunar Faire. Hopefully that can revive it but for now I want to close my Etsy. However I also can’t seem to bring myself to.

I hate cuddling. It’s fucking weird. Not worth the money.

Eclipse on Monday coming up though which will be fun


I performed this curse last night for someone else.
In the center is a sigil customized for the target and intent of the curse.
Each candle is associated with a different aspect of the curse written on small pieces of parchment Next to each candle (white candle for pestilence, red for war, black for famine, pale for death)

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I did some work during the eclipse. It felt strong.

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Shadow work has brought me to this reflection.
I have antisocial personality disorder aka sociopathy. Combined with psychosis and the dissociative states of schizoaffective, this can be kinda confusing.
I’ve been thinking about these contrasting diagnoses that nonetheless coexist in me and I’m not hiding it anymore. I don’t feel things the way most people do. I understand emotions and can read and mimic them almost perfectly, but at the end of the day I don’t really feel them. For as long as I could remember, and especially since childhood traumas occurred, I’ve just been so flat in every way- in affect, in speech, in how I react to things (barring manifestations of the symptoms of schizoaffective). Lying comes naturally like second nature and I can navigate each web of lies easily. However I try not to lie all the time just because it is more advantageous for people to trust me.
Television and entertainment have painted us sociopaths as dangerous criminals which couldn’t be further from the truth in many cases. Mostly I can mask and almost fool everyone, but I know me and I know this is just the way I am. I can mask as an empathetic and considerate person because this helps me fit into society in the most advantageous ways and I can get more out of being seen as such a person vs as a reckless careless person.

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I had a really strange but vivid dream. I had a veil on like I was getting married or just been married. I was in a hotel room. There was a woman also there with me with dark hair and red lipstick but I could barely see her. Every time I tried to pull back the veil to see better, there was more veil to pull back. She had 3 flimsy swords with her but she wasn’t trying to kill me I think. If she was, she’d have done it already. She pointed the first 2 at me so I grabbed them by the blade and she let go as though she were handing them to me. The third sword, she carved some symbol on my hand. Then we kissed - she felt warm and nice. Then the dream ended

Naamah?

Al.

Possibly
The symbol kinda resembled her sigil:

I believe that this is a modern invention and that traditionally, Naamah has no seal.
Notice the vagina? I guess it’d work because Naamah is just so sexual.

Al.

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Yeah it was a vagina like tracing more so than the seal. The whole dream felt like a porno setup haha

Aside from a potential thanks to spirits for recently requested help, I am taking a break from here for a while. I didn’t want to close my account permanently yet, but spirituality isn’t as much of a priority these days as it used to be and I don’t care . I also don’t know what I believe anymore and not because of “failing” but more so that a lot of this is ascribing meaning to things that are inherently meaningless. Sometimes I have requested readings for things that I already knew the outcome of/stuff that had already run its course to see if there was any accuracy in any of it, and it’s hit or miss.
I don’t believe readings describe futures set in stone, but rather one possible future out of many possible futures. There have been too many times over the years that I’ve been told something in a reading only for it to turn out to be the opposite or a completely different outcome IRL.

Czar,

Divination and astrology impel, but don’t compel.

Perhaps it’s you who are “hit or miss”. The path is a long one, extending beyond physical incarnation(s).

Also, Taro cards can be used for a lot more then divination. Try gazing at a card until you can close your eyes and see the card clearly. Don’t expect instant success. Remember to record your results (with a pen, in your cheap Magickal journal).

Have you tried chanting? The ONA and me seem to be the only ones preaching ‘chanting’. You can make your own bead set or use knots in string. You can shout chants via a whisper whilst walking.

Don’t spend lots of money - spend time - because that’s all you can do: spend time. Do so wisely.

And all the very best,

OUA.