So i thought I’ll make a journal to vent out my issues with spiritual stuff or in general as this will help me alot especially if i could get advice on it
So here it is.
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Glad you’re journaling 
I’m looking up to read your updates.
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I think what you need is a hands-on experience, doesn’t really hurt to evoke once or twice, you could start out by trying to create an energy ball /psi ball to get a feel of energy
or
if you want to dive straight-in, you could try it out with @Keteriya’s forum protection spirit, remember to banish your space before & after the session, take detailed notes of what you felt or any changes around your surroundings and ground/stabilize yourself.
btw sorry for that random chirp, just wanted to chime in and drop a “you can do it” line 
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Tried it nothing happened even tho i know they’re there. it just didn’t feel like anything
Tried that also but all i felt was energy but didn’t know what else to do with it .
Have tried sensing their energy but couldn’t feel anything all i felt was emptiness and for some reason i just don’t know what to ask them even tho i have alot to ask lol
No it’s ok i already said in my journal you can give advice so I’m glad your the first person to do it so here’s a free cookie for you 
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You could play around with the energy. Take the energy from one part of your arm to another. Feel it around you. Place the energy in a certain point in your room and sense its link.
If you have a plant. Meditate in front of it. Sense its energy and feel it as if it were a part of you. Try to see the energy’s color. So many ways to challenge yourself.
Don’t give up just yet. You’ll get there. 
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Usually when i close my eyes i can see kind of that it’s blue don’t know why lol but will try that thanks.
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9/9/22
Friday
Small Evocation 
Oki soo i did a small evocation right now on Asmodeus and well i felt like falling asleep bit as usual but after my cleansing and everything and after some time of meditation by sayin his enn i felt a werid presence beside me on my left where my teddy was and it was really strong but i know i told Belial to bind his energy yesterday and nothing happened after me saying that but it was werid that i felt that presence also it was very black energy very masculine looking which felt werid cause i never had a stranger male in my room or have been that close to other males cause I’m much more comfortable and more myself with girls so it was a werid feeling after i meditated a bit more i felt the same energy with black colour energy who was also giving off masculine shape to my right but it was only strong for some seconds then it got very faded. I don’t know if this is all in my mind but i will say i never had this kind of feeling before when i did evocation. Or maybe I’m just putting those images there by myself without thinking either way it was shocking to me.
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Hey dude, what’s your evocation rate look like? How often? Some of the best advice I ever got was (irreverent me incoming): balls to the wall, evoke frequently and often Basically, treat evocation like going to the gym. The details of a workout/evocation don’t matter half as much as making a habit out of it. It’s more of a “just keep going to the gym bro” instead of obsessing over the particulars. 
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I’m not a dude. I’m a girl…
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That’s the problem I’m living in my dorm and it’s a nun’s dorm room so trying to evocation while in college is very difficult but I’ll try my best to do as much often as i can. Thanks
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It’s called blur spoiler, and you can find it in the top right hand corner of the message you are typing.
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I see. Maybe you could draw four squares on a notebook sheet. These represent the four elements. So you’d have a yellow square (air), a red square (fire), a blue square (earth), a brown square (earth). This is about as nonoffensive as it gets, like we just have four drawn squares.
You can use this in evocation: “spirit pal, use these four squares to manifest”. And you can modify it to develop your senses: you evoke a spirit there, and you get a feel for the energy signature.
You can also Pathworking the four Archangels of the elements and ask em to empower each square.
Other options:
Imagination and dreaming. You pick a spirit that you vibe with. You then imagine what their home looks like. (Ex: I love the leaves and green of nature. Sandalphon is an Archangel of this. I practiced the lil exercise and kept arriving at a hidden grove. I imagined doing magick here for a while… now, I just imagine the grove and I have an instant connection to Sandalphon).
Most magick is about getting stuff, this approach is like choosing to create a living art piece with a spirit.
Holy Names!
Basically you have a few holy names. Why do these matter? Perspective. Reading a book is one matter. Writing an entire successful series of books, is something else entirely. Those names are that something else. Adonai Ha-Aretz = stability, like a rock, unmoved.
And the dude thing, it’s where I’m from. My entire family calls each other dude or bro. 
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I understand but i usually am not used to guys calling me that cause only girls have called me that so i just get a bit uncomfortable with it but it’s ok you can call me Midnight. Sorry also thank you for the advice I’ll try it.
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10/9/22
Saturday
Asmodeus Evocation 
Ok so i did an evocation on Asmodeus and tried to communicate with him through my candle that represents his colour but all that happened was that when i told him to make the flames go higher it went low and then when i said low it went high. It was very confusing then i took out my cards to confirm if he is there and well i got two of swords as a yes or no answer then tried again that’s when i got the charot reversed well allof this confused me so i ended the evocation . yea here is a photo of my evocation of Asmodeus.
Let me know if anyone of you sense anything from the pic. .
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Oh hey my bad then, I overstepped so my bad! Boundries matter 
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It’s ok 
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2/10/22
Sunday
Unloved Star in the Midnight sky 
I don’t know how i can explain this in a way that’s simple but I’m going through alot right now that i can’t share as there are some personal family issues but i guess I’ll share the ones that i can. Well nowadays i have no idea why but i have been feeling unloved and ignored like it feels like I’m an outsider to everyone. I had an argument with spirits because of all the things i am going through cause of the reason that not even one spirit came to help me when it was needed and worse of all is that i had said some words that were hurtful but luckily i took control of what to say so that it doesn’t go too overboard either way i apologized but i still feel like a shitty person. I still feel unloved and ignored by everyone and spirit’s alike. My friend said this could be shadow work and if that’s the case i would be very glad to get over this feeling as it didn’t used to be this bad for me. It’s like the more i get in touch with spiritual stuff the more i find about myself like that dark parts of me that i unconsciously have been hiding Underneath me that i don’t like to see. I also ended up having a dream after the argument which said to me to relax and everything will be getting better and i also ended up seeing myself being friends with the people that dislikes me in my dream which was also werid. I’m trying to find out my path that i have been feeling like called to as it’s something that i tried to ignore because of someone teasing me about it but i just can’t seem to ignore it and it always seems to follow me.
Also sorry for the mistakes in my writing as I’m feeling sleepy so it can be very difficult to write.
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Yep, sounds like shadow work here. Its never easy, facing the wrost of ourselves, but to grow stronger and more “in tune” with ourselves we all need to face it eventually. I know Ive been “putting it on the back burner” for a while myself and will have to tackle it sooner or later. Other things just keep getting in the way. Lol
There was a few great threads on here about shadow work if you need help on it. (Im no expert so take what you can from the others that are) I’ll link them here if you havent seen them.
Hope these help. Keep going. I know it may seem hard now but once you gain more control of your inner self things will get easier.
See! Just take things slowly and rest when you can. 
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Thank you I’ll try reading the thread and try it. Hopefully it helps.
I know but it’s hard when it makes you depressed to a point that you feel lazy and numb to even just meditate and i feel bad for it cause i promised Asmodai i would and for days i haven’t and i know
he understands but it still hurts. It feels like I’m cheating on him that’s the best way i can explain this feeling.