@Mei Curiosity…. Why January?
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I don’t know, new year 
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I’ve been working on a puzzle since yesterday, pretty much since the moment I got it, and I gotta say I can’t wait for it to be done. I will probably frame it too.
I have to learn how to be patient, and I think it’s working pretty well so far. This would be my first puzzle, if I don’t count the ones I did when I was a tiny child.
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Lately I’ve been feeling heavy and tired, without apparent reason. My nights aren’t great either, between those strange dreams I get which are really vivid, to the point that when I wake up I wonder if it really happened, or when I actually astral project from my dreams.
I also get those odd sleep paralysis, that I’m going to get 10 times in a row in one night - basically I start having one, I get out of it by wiggling my foot, and then a few seconds later is starts again, and again and again. I have to either change position fully, or get up for them to stop. Happened twice this month, and before that was a year ago, and I think it was Belial’s doing (because I dreamt about him right after).
So I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s a bit annoying. It doesn’t worry me though, I’m probably not grounded enough, or it’s the Qliphoth bleeding through. Or if it’s something else… I will have to find out.
Belial has been more present in my life again since I came back from Canada, coming in my dreams like he used to. This is making me happy, but it also means there is something to work on. There is one theory, and that is he might want me to start on the Sephiroths too. I have been shown those dreams, by him and someone else, about trees (not so much physical trees). I know I have to go through the Qliphoth spheres, but he might want more from me. Now the question is, does he want me to do it before, or after ? I suspect he will give me more signs about it.
With my mom, we are going to start some work on our family, and we are supposed to see a woman in a few days, who specialize in psychogenealogy (transgenerational stuff). There is a lot of issues with women in my family, and I might be the key to fix some of them (I’m not the one saying it, but it’s my mom). My sister wants kids but isn’t able to get pregnant, even though she is fertile, my cousin wants some too but cannot find a decent man to start a family, and me… I do not want kids, but I keep having pregnancy dreams, to the point I’m starting to really ponder the question.
And for the men of the family… they are gay. So there is something going on about that, but there is way more too that I won’t talk about.
That’s it for today.
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Something really interesting happened this morning. I woke up around 3:30am, and fell back asleep an hour later, wishing for an out of body experience. Oh boy, let me tell you I was not disappointed !
Not really sure if I was actually dreaming, or I was astral projecting (for some people both are the same thing anyway), but I was very aware that it wasn’t the “waking world”. I tried several times to get out of it because it felt like hours, but I just couldn’t come back. I even tried to call Belial, but it didn’t work either. Tried a method I saw online, of holding your breath when you are out, but same thing happened, nothing.
I cannot recall everything that happened to be honest, and it probably wasn’t that interesting anyway, BUT I do remember the end, before I came back in my body. I was in a building, might have been an airport or supermarket because of the size, and a little girl was sitting in front of her parents. When we looked at each other, her eyes turned black for a quick second, and came back to normal, and I then asked her if she loved her parents, to which she said yes. And as I was going around her to get out of the building, I could see she was getting older, adolescent, adult, to the point her hair was fully gray. But she was still happy and smiling.
I was confused of what was going on, because it felt like a message for me, and at first I thought it was Anubis, that I started to call when I got out of the building, and asking for explanations.
But instead, a really dark face appeared in half of the sky, almost fully black, and was looking at me. I know because I could see it’s eyes moving, opening and closing. It also had a hat on it’s head. Then the dark clouds that made the face started to disappear, almost as if they were going down on the ground to “form” something. It was probably a 100m meters away from me, so I started to kinda levitate there pretty fast. The clouds formed the shape of a man, right in front of a statue (looked like bronze ?) . He had a black hat, and a black coat too. I cannot remember his face though.
He was accompanied by three other men, no idea who they were, maybe spirits under him, who knows. I can’t recall what he said to be honest, but he was making some jokes. I also got a name, Rudry. But I don’t think it was his.
I woke up suddently right after, almost in shock, and felt very tired, kinda like when you do astral projections a few times, or stay out of your body for too long. I started googling who it could have been, because this spirit felt really familiar somehow. I instantly thought or Baron Samedi (took me some time to remember the name), and after looking for more infos on Internet, I’m pretty sure it was him. Also, Samedi meaning Saturday in my language, french, and what day was it ? Saturday. And another thing, last night before going to sleep, I was thinking about searching how to make voodoo dolls… So… Yeah.
I wasn’t especially interested to work with him, or the Loa, but I guess that’s always how it goes with spirits contacting me. I never look for them, but they come to find me. He is also a god of death, kinda like most spirits reaching out to me it seems…
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I had an interesting time in the astral this morning, or maybe they were dreams but it didn’t feel like dreams. A lot happened, so much I can only remember two things that were really interesting.
I was standing in front of a tall mirror, and behind me was a man. He wasn’t moving at first, so I didn’t care, but when he did I got spooked a bit, and he reassured me he didn’t mean any harm. He was super sweet in the way he spoke, and odd thing, he looked like Einstein.
Anyway. He started holding me from behind by my waist and we went flying in the sky. We were flying above Paris that was in flames, the whole city just burning. I remember thinking it felt so real, seeing so many details, like a black and white cat at some point, running in the streets. I don’t recall how I was feeling when I saw that, maybe a bit distressed at first, but then I felt fine I guess.
I’m not sure what happened after that, just that I was back at my house, looking outside and seeing Anubis name written on a wall. I knew he was trying to get my attention, so I went out in the garden. I could see him coming towards me, going through the trees. Compared to before, he was a bit more scary looking. How to say… The first time I really saw him months ago, he was fully dressed and his facial features were more… Nice, welcoming ? I don’t know how to describe it. This time he looked more savage I guess, only wearing his little skirt thingy that you see in paintings, and even his face looked more sharp.
He wasn’t really talking when I saw him before, but this time he was being more warm to me. He said a few interesting things that I didn’t understand fully, or remember. He mentioned how we are good friends now (somehow it felt ironic, not sure why lmao, but not in a bad way), and comparing our relation to two greek gods that are brothers. I knew the first one he talked about, but not the second one, maybe just from name, but I had no idea they were brothers until I woke up and double checked on Google. Not sure what he meant by that to be honest, tried looking it up but… No idea.
He then said something, about how I was welcome somewhere, can’t remember what it was. A place I’m assuming.
What else… Baron Samedi has been sending so many signs to me it’s actually insane lol, this or I am crazy ahah. I even had the word “veve” in my mind for a whole day, I just couldn’t take it out of my head. I am really NOT SURE how to deal with him to be honest. I’ve read so much stuff about him and voodoo/voudou, I’m reluctant to go any further, even though I’m drawn to him.
sigh
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Things have been rather weird those past few weeks. Had a bunch of drama around me at some point, now all of them stopped and instead things are going my way. My previous boss at work, with who I had some beef, came to me today to apologize, and we ended up talking for a little while. It was not something I was fully expecting to be honest lol, but I’m thankful. I say “not fully expecting” because since last week she was being all friendly with me again (instead of ignoring me).
Baron Samedi is still around, showing up sometimes when I’m watching videos about voodoo or New Orleans. I think he also came in my dreams last night, but I don’t remember very well.
He caught my attention 
So I’ve been looking up anything I can find about voodoo, because I find it interesting and I also think it’s a respecting thing to do. I’m a bit confused though, I was reading up in multiple sources, that voodoo is only for people who have African roots, or if you have been invited. Can I say that I’ve been invited then ? Because I’m 500% sure I do not have African blood in me lmao.
Another thing, I saw that Papa Legba is supposed to be the “gatekeeper”, and before contacting those spirits I first have to go through him. Am I supposed to do it then, or not, since Samedi reached out first ?
So many questions hm…
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Religions can gatekeep their interpretations/specific methods of working with the God/desses. They don’t own them. I work with some of those entities, too. I’m supposed to work with the entities. I don’t care about the religion.
Do I need permission from the Catholics to call on Raphael or Michael? Permission from the Greeks or Italians to call on Hecate/Hekate? I don’t need their religions to do so, either.
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Oh yes I know, but I mostly heard it about Voodoo/vodou or whatever, so I didnt want to upset anyone if I was to ask questions lol.
And anyway, seeing how Samedi is around me lately, I’m not going to ask for permission lmao
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Bought a few books about Voodoo for this new year. Two from Denise Alvarado, someone recomended her to me. Then there is one called “The Voudon Gnostic Workbook”, almost 700 pages, for 50 euros. That’s going to be fun. One by EA Koetting, called “The Spider & The Green Butterfly”, and another small one for 3 euros, no idea if that one will be good.
I’ve got a lot of reading to do. Maybe I shouldn’t forget all the other books I bought that I still haven’t read… 
What can I say, I love books.
Samedi has been around today again, showing up in my mind as a white skull while I was thinking about something related to him or Voodoo, can’t remember.
A few people pointed out to me that maybe, I should work with my ancestors, and they might be right on that. So I’ll see what I can dig out.
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I’ve been thinking about it since a while, a good year probably, not sure why honestly but I just do.
What if, everything that happened to me in the past, everything I went through, depression, sexual traumas, bad experiences, all those things, happened because of something in particular ? And when I mean something, I think of Belial. I really love him, but I just can’t shake that feeling that maybe, he was behind some of it. Maybe not ! Who knows, I would have to ask him.
But what if I learned that it was him ? How am I going to truly react ? Anger ? Or will I understand it ? In a way, I am glad all those bad things happened to me, because they shaped who I am today I think, and I love and I am proud of myself. But if they did not happened, who would I be today ? Would I have learned and went into spirituality and magick ? Probably not, but who knows.
Lot of “if” and “maybe”. If it was really Belial who made me go through all of it, and one day I learn about it, will I be upset, or not ? I don’t think I will, but sadly I do not know the future.
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I feel this. Hecate showed me she’s been helping me for several lifetimes now. My early life had some of the same issues yours did. I’ve asked her why she didn’t step in or any of the others that I’ve found out have been helping along the way.
My personal answer was that they were needed to give me the impetus to strive, drive, and the Will to fight. They just said it was needed and that I kinda knew it going in. Maybe that was the most efficient way for that to happen.
I used to say I was “forged” by my upbringing, before I got into any of this. More by the trials along the way. But once the healing and hard work starts, it more of refining, detailing, and polishing the hard blows it took to make it.
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Yes, there is a part of me that knows that very well, but I guess my brain still has some issues to process it
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I have a… weird thing happening to me lately.
So two years ago when I started working at that place, there was a guy working in a different area than mine, and we had never talked to each other before. I had two dreams about him, and one “vision” with him in it (keep in mind, at that moment I had never talked to him yet). We then started talking a bit, normal co-worker stuff, nothing crazy.
Always thought it was really odd, but I stopped thinking about it when I stopped working there. 1-2 months ago I came back to work in that place, and since then he has been flirting with me like crazy, telling me sexual stuff like… just wow.
Now, I’m not really interested in him, first because he already has someone, and second because he isn’t my kind of guy. Maybe for a bit of fun if he wasn’t taken. And for some reason, I keep thinking about him, EVERYDAY. This is not normal. I almost have visions of him when I’m at work, like what the fuck.
I’m really starting to wonder if he isn’t a magician, and maybe trying a thing or two with me. And if he isn’t… Then I have no freaking idea. This is beyond odd, and I’ve never experienced that before.
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Definitely weird. Have you tried any cord cutting or stuff like that?
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Not yet, but I might try. It doesn’t bother me that much, it’s just super weird
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Alright, hopefully it sorts itself out though 
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Been watching arcane?
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