February 1, 2021 - The speed of Sallos, subliminals, Lucifer, the Law, and Universal Magick
Time for a good old-fashioned Veil ramble.
Sallos
To expand on my entry of a few days ago — Sallos, you beautiful bastard. 
I have more tasks for you, but damn did you work hard for your offering. Here is the effusive praise I promised you, and I’ll get you that glass of red wine as soon as possible.
About three weeks ago I sat down and wrote out a list of qualities my ideal partner would have. It sounds a bit cold and calculated, but it’s an illuminating exercise in introspection. I’ve lately been working on my own goals almost purely with Law of Assumption (Law of Belief, Law of Consciousness), but on a whim I called up Sallos on January 23 and gave him the list.
I like Sallos. On giving him licence to depart, the candle flame extinguished itself with perfect timing, precisely as the final syllable left my mouth. Very amusing. The candle burned into a well, and the wall broke, leaving behind a crescent moon shape.
That was a Saturday… I met someone on Monday.
I say “met”, but I’d known of him before. I had plans to go out on Monday and wondered if I’d see him there, but what good does wondering do when you can simply decide? So I firmly decided I would see him that day. Five minutes later I received external confirmation of that fact, from a third party, totally unprompted.
Subliminal
Going on three months now I’ve been listening to the fabled concordia booster subliminal. The delay between my deciding firmly on an intention, and its actual manifestation in the outer world, has been drastically reduced, and I believe I have this subliminal to thank for accelerating my understanding and application of the Law.
Even the “weird news” I mentioned on Jan 27th appears to be the early stirring of a train of thought I followed under the Law. It threw me off initially, until I connected the dots, but – can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
The Highest Power
It’s both amusing and kind of disgusting to look back at the past year and see how much time I wasted on the King of Pentacles.
By the way, he came back. Six weeks ago or so. I’m no longer interested, and in fact, he kind of disgusts me. I vacillate between between thoughts of mercy and pity, and thoughts of vengeance. And, if I’m being completely honest, I have acted on the latter. But the truth is, left to his own devices, he needs absolutely no external help in ruining his own life. I would prefer complete indifference, and I’m getting there.
That tangent aside – as always, I wrestle with the idea that there is a “higher power” that guides us. I say that in light of what happened with this King of Pentacles. King of nothing, really.
I don’t believe in an external divine source. That there is such a Source I believe without question, but we are of it and it is of us; it is not something outside of ourselves. Which is why the question of there being a “higher power” is something I keep coming back to chew on.
We are the highest power. We might consort with spirits and gods, but it’s our hand that guides the tiller.
And that rambling leads me to something I would like to touch more on once my thoughts are fully formed: retrocausality.
To be fair, I did warn that this would be a ramble.
Lucifer
I connected with him a night or two ago. It was unexpectedly intense, following the tenuous connection I felt in previous contact; and resulted in a massive gnosis dump. Tears were shed. I have some written ramblings which perhaps I’ll share sometime. The meat of it is – my overwhelming impression is of his role as the patron, the guardian, the shepherd of humankind. The humanity in us, but the link to our god-spark. The essence of free will and choice; urging us to taste the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, to not to be a passive vessel. The thread that connects us to divinity. The ability we each have to command the kind of connection and power enjoyed by non-physical entities… and so on. Not opposed to God, but of God – of consciousness.
Tuesday, February 2nd
Tarot
Idly shuffling cards, thinking about this situation. Six of pentacles, the magician, ace of swords, hanged man.
Then thinking, he’ll stay with me.
Two cards fall out immediately: four of wands, ten of cups.
Curiously close to my dream of the other night.
Universal Magick
I picked up a copy of Corwin Hargrove’s Universal Magick a day or two ago and dove right in. I’ve been searching for a while for a practical Enochian grimoire that’s not overburdened with fluff and theory and warning.
The sigils (seals, tablets) are fucking potent. Very easy to get drawn into. I might perform another ritual tonight.
While it goes on to mention the various names of God, of angels, demons, other entities, elemental and directional powers… it puts me in mind of Metatron. The clockwork aspect of the outer world, channeling raw source, chaos, possibility – whatever you call it – into form, order, manifestation. And, is it not said that Metatron is the form of Enoch, after ascending to angelic form? 
Final
And, the words that keep running through my head:
God does not ask you to consider the means, but to define the end.
February 9, 2021 - The King of Naught, and more OOBEs
King of Naught
First, I had a reading done on the King of Pentacles out of idle curiosity. Did this on another site, no frontloading, just asking what he thinks of me.
Apparently he is still in love with me and thinks I’m some kind of wonderful enchanting goddess clothed in human flesh. He is suffering and torturing himself because he believes he can never be good enough for someone like me, and that I could never deign to give a shit about someone like him.
This pleases me greatly. As it’s exactly what I was aiming for.
Honestly at this point I’d like to get the hooks out of me entirely. I don’t want to think about him at all any longer, good or bad… except maybe the occasional reinforcement so he never forgets what a piece of shit he is.
Phase / OOBE
I fell asleep early last night, woke up at half past midnight, and then went back to sleep after about 30 minutes. For a while I was tossing and turning, and coming in and out of the hypnagogic state. I tried to separate from my body but without success. Saw the white tunnel and the silhouetted caricature again. At one point in paralysis I heard strange noises from behind me, and my mind just filled in “it must be the Djinn”. No idea why as I have’t been working with Djinn lately. The strange noises increased in volume so I closed my eyes and chanted Metatron’s name, which always brings me peace.
A little later I heard noises, like I thought I could hear my roommate at the other end of the house talking to someone. After a while I got tired of just lying there and was feeling overheated, so I rolled over and switched my bedside lamp on. It didn’t turn on. I switched it off and on again, and realised it had lit up, but the light was so weak. I sat up and looked closely, and saw the lampshade was on the floor and the bulb was smashed. “The damn Djinn must have done this,” I thought. Then I saw there was a folded towel in the drawer of my nightstand. The fuck? I started rifling through the drawer and it was filled with towels and shirts. I had no explanation for this so I closed the drawer, and then I noticed a second drawer on my nightstand. My nightstand don’t have a second drawer. It immediately clicked that I was in the Phase state/OOBE.
At once I got out of bed and left my room. The house layout was very true-to-life, hyperrealistic. From the corner of my eye I saw my roommate sitting at her desk in the dark, typing away, as I walked toward the front door. I thought to myself that I really hope this is a dream, because it’s going to require a lot of explanation if not. I exited the house through the front door. A rusty red station wagon was parked across the mouth of the driveway. I thought about opening the door and getting in, but again, if this was not a dream, that would be a very bad decision. Instead, I took off running down the street, and with a little leap and a kick, launched up into the air and began to fly. I had someone in mind that I wanted to visit, so I needed to find him.
The landscape changed, I was flying over what looked like the inner suburbs of a futuristic, utopian-looking city. “Clear full moon”, I thought, and the moon emerged from the clouds, clear and full. In the distant sky, a large airship, or spaceship, cruised by.
I chose a building where I thought I’d find my person, a hotel built in spare brutalism / minimalism style. Choosing a floor, I alighted on the balcony and walked into the hallway. There were more elevators than room doors — only one that I could see, and so I opened the lock with my fingernail and walked through. At the last moment doubt seized me, so instead of deciding I’d see him, I let my focus slip.
Inside the room, a woman sat on the bed wearing a thick bathrobe. She asked, “Have you seen [person]?” I told her no, but I was looking for him. She said something like, “good, because we’re both scary-looking.” As I exited the room I said idly “you are kinda scary-looking,” (she wasn’t), and she called, “you are too.”
As I left the room, the far elevator opened. A man exited. He looked similar to my person, but slightly different. He turned his head toward me, and I knew by his essence that it wasn’t him. Everything faded to black, and I woke up back in my bed, and then immediately sat up and wrote down these notes. That was 3:26am.
Also interestingly, after I awoke, and while I was trying to go back to sleep, I could see an odd construct crawling up the wall and along the cornices and ceiling. It looked like a moving fractal pattern with a hundred little legs… or like a crypticspren.
I had a second phase event the same night, but instead of giving it my full attention and writing notes on my laptop, I sleepily grabbed my phone and wrote a sentence or two before falling back asleep, so it’s all but useless.
Timed 5:13 am — I only wrote “Left house again to find [person]. Found neighbourhood and went inside. They told me to look in the shed for a teleporter because they could not find”. That’s all I got. 
Also, just a note on what a good time it is to fly in a dream. Aaah. I love it. I do a little running start, jump into the air, and then this little one-two kick, exactly the way you would kick when you dive into water and begin to swim.
February 12, 2021 - Lucifer's gnosis, addiction, musings on the Law and Enochian magick
So, back in a (physical) place I thought I’d left behind: outdoors with my laptop, cigarette in hand. Sigh. Never not collecting new vices, revisiting old ones, or trading in one for another.
I’ve noticed my mental inclination slowly changing over the last few days towards being sober, clear-headed. There is peace and comfort in it, but less progress. Can’t keep burying myself in the haze and trying to fast-forward the hours between myself and my goals, as attractive a notion as it is. The sticky part is actually following through. Getting there. And I attribute this to the most recent MFWB working. But girl, life is for the living. It’s more than a byproduct of experience as you flip past days on the calendar waiting for your inevitable outcome in one area. There is more to it than that and you are ignoring it or devaluing it. You can have more than one focus.
I like the group workings. I like doing magic every day, or close enough. I noticed the pattern of elimination. Delicate culling. Please note I say that with the utmost respect to everyone involved. A pattern of challenges hitting multiple people. It was in my mind to drop out as well. Not due to outside forces but inside doubt. Discipline is my, her, your failing here. Self vs. self.
A common theme in the readings after the fact: six of pentacles, giving and receiving, I think pointing to the group work – and the king of swords, I think meaning Lucifer. Strange, our paths had never crossed before, but I had such an intense experience with him a week or two ago, one of those gnosis-dumps where everything unfolds too quickly to remember it all in exact play-by-play. Tears were shed, knowledge was received. I think I mentioned it here previously. But I’ll go ahead and share my semi-coherent ramblings below.
Rantings on comedown from gnosis:
Lucifer is the humanity in us. An agent who worked to give humankind the truth of the Tree Of Knowledge Of Good and Evil, life and death. To give us choice. To give us free will. To gift us the divine consciousness enjoyed by non-physical entities. To let us choose to be either a puppet and a vessel, blooming and dying in the span of a cosmic breath, our gestalt experience of life ingested solemnly and reverently back into source moment by moment, but with no further regard for our individual personhood. That — or, to be an operant power, a joyful spark, awakened to the true nature of consciousness — aware of our origins, recognising our scope of influence, able to shape the world in a way that delights us.
Lucifer is not separate from God, insofar as God is the name of the source of all things. He is not opposed to God. He is of God.
And as to why the magician commands non-physical powers not as a subordinate or a master, but as an equal — if an ant spoke to you and commanded you to destroy the colony of a rival tribe, or to give him the love and affection of another ant, would you not do so simply out of curiosity? And two years later, when generations of ants had been and gone, if the descendant of that ant called your name and spoke to you, believing in your power, and asked you to grant his ant-sized wish, would you not comply? If the word spread among ants and here and there over the years appeared the odd, special ant who knew how to speak to you, would you not listen? Even if out of sheer fascination that the ant had the capacity and consciousness to not only recognise your existence but to call upon you and respectfully request your help, as an equal?
This is not to say that humans are to entities as ants are to us, but rather, to explain the fascination one awakened being would have on being confronted with a “lower” life form capable of speaking their own language.
The readings seem split. A lot of nine of cups, 10 of cups, 6 of wands. In other cases, more work needed is indicated. To my interpretation, anyhow.
So lately I find myself on the precipice of diving into magick which I think would raise questions of ethics generally. As much as the BALG population seems to wholeheartedly support baneful workings, there are other aspects of magic where the line is drawn.
My own take on this seems to be in reverse. Not that I judge at all, but simply that my values differ.
Although as much as I wish to speak on the things I’m working on, I remain aware of the hostile observer effect, and of the gospel of Matthew. or essentially, as we say round these parts, “to know, to will, to dare, and to remain silent.”
But I am so tempted to speak of things likely held profane, and of my dive into partial – if not full-blown – delusion. Sweet, sweet delusion, anchored by rock-solid certainty. 
Girl’s gotta have her craft projects, right?
So instead I hedge outright description and simply write cryptic things like: if something is non-toxic is it safe to ingest in small quantities? Is it a violation of consent to use genetic material in poppets or jar spells?
A few more things…
First, the ever-present dichotomy between the ego-self and the I AM state. Have perhaps not given enough attention to the latter, and to techniques and methods, as I could have done. Does it matter ultimately? No, I am sure my workings are enough. Would it help me cope with the perception of linear time, hour by hour and minute by minute? Certainly.
Only the other day I had a few minutes spare and spent them in a short but meaningful I AM meditation. Following this I had the curious sensation of the totality of the outcome… like, the essence of this thing, encapsulated in a bubble, residing squarely in the centre of my body, below the solar plexus. The exercise in I AM-ness is helpful to dissolve the ego-self’s perception of the illusion of separation.
So now when thoughts occurs to me about this thing, it is not felt as something outside of me. It is felt as within me, and I feed it energy and love and gratitude, and take from it the same, along with satisfaction, and wholeness, and certainty. For it is of me, and I am of it. And the things that are of you are not beyond influence, but they are beyond question as being yours.
I should really begin keeping a manifestation journal the same way I keep a ritual journal, because I’m noting things come to fruition much more easily and with very short delays, as mentioned previously, but cannot quantify them because they’re not being recorded anywhere. It will be interesting to see that, and perhaps help me close the gap between “big” and “small” outcomes. The “small”, things I have no attachment to, seem to have a delay around 3 to 14 days.
Also linking this here for my own future reference, and I’m going to put it to the test: The Prosperity Tempest – Jareth Tempest
February 14, 2021 - Valentine's Day and OOBE
Big waste of an OOBE last night. I woke up without moving and found myself in paralysis, tried cycling some separation techniques but nothing worked. I decided I’d try envisioning an environment to “phase” into. What happened was I ended up watching a full HD widescreen slideshow of beautiful landscapes slowly scrolling past my field of vision. I picked one and tried to physically move into it.
Instead of moving into it, I ended up physically sitting up in bed with my hands stretched out. It was disorienting, I could see my subtle body overlaying the image of the landscape as it faded. Went to the bathroom… noticed the bathroom layout was wrong. Ah-ha! I’m actually dreaming right now.
So as usual I sprinted toward the front door. Tried to phase through the door, no success. I opened it and went outside. It was the middle of the night but my roommate’s partner was out there with a random person, covering the driveway in that wood-chip mulch stuff. At this point I was mostly convinced that I was actually awake/in the real world, and I didn’t want to go sprinting down the street and trying to fly in front of people. I went back inside. My roommate was was washing dishes and she said hi and spoke to me briefly about the leftovers she planned to eat tomorrow. I noticed the kitchen layout was wrong and it again clicked that I was dreaming… just at the point where the scene faded to black and I woke up in bed again. 
I need to build some kind of reality check into my dreaming, Inception-style.
Also, Valentine’s day today. I have something planned for the hour of Venus tonight. It is also just past the new moon, and the final day of my menstrual cycle. While I don’t usually give much thought to planetary correspondences and astrological influence, etc., as I’ve mentioned before, harnessing the creative/destructive tides of my own body is something I’ve been interested in experimenting with, so I will be tapping into this power, chaos-magic style.
Final note to self: if Enochian is the programming language of “reality”, and your stated goal is to achieve sysadmin rights to the universe, then you should combine your love of creation and language to create a basic program which prints Enochian keys on selection, allows input for intent, outputs entity names for repetition… this should be a relatively simple program to create, you already have the knowledge
Follow-up; Enoch being the human form of Metatron, before he ascended? We hesitate to call him our “patron” for he is something beyond that title, but certainly some gatekeeper, lock and key, to success and ascent… understanding.
February 17, 2021 - Gnosis from Samael
My faculty with words is not so good at the moment, and I have many things I want to write about. So, bit of frustration on my part.
Ardent prayer
My Valentine’s day working was… intriguing. I think I will make another more detailed post about it someday soon. Perhaps an entirely new journal.
I’ve been trying for a few days to write about it and I just can’t get the words to work for me, but I have the bare bones sketched out, and the pictures to go with it. Long story short, I made a poppet; I am reasonably pleased with how it turned out, and now I’m finding myself obsessively thinking about making more (for different purposes obviously) simply because the exercise is so enjoyable. The day prior to that I’d also made a honey jar.
At the hour of Venus on Valentine’s day I did a long working combining both artefacts, and speaking Enochian over the entire endeavour. At the end of the working I was exhausted and nauseated, and after the nausea passed, I was ravenously hungry. That was the most involved and time-consuming ritual I’ve done to date, I think. Not even counting the time spent creating the poppet earlier in the day, it was around two or two and a half hours.
Samael
I summoned Samael last night as part of the group-working I am doing. I’d been feeling compelled to speak with him, and noticed that kind of synchronity where his name was popping up everywhere, which normally happens when a spirit is trying to get your attention.
The notes I wrote afterward are not so detailed and I wish I’d recorded more. But generally the meeting was not what I expected. The mental impression of his appearance was that of a caricature of Satan. A big, bright-red devil of cartoonishly top-heavy proportion, complete with horns and pointed tail. I asked if he was Satan. Yes and no, he said, are you Veil as you are [irl name] and [other online names]?
I tried to see him under a different appearance, but he would only show me the close-up of a hooded man standing in an ancient-looking desolate landscape, his face obscured by constant eddies of dust. We spoke some more about personal things. I noticed physical arousal in myself building as a result of his presence. He impressed upon me an understanding of it as a kind of instinctive reaction to primal, creative, masculine energy.
Written that way it sounds almost patronising, but after our conversation I just remember thinking, “Huh, Samael is an equalist”, or something along those lines. (That’s not quite the right way to word my impression, but without going into politics, I don’t think the current, common associations with the word “feminist” fits very well here.) We followed this conversational thread further, which I recall being quite illuminating, but my notes are very ineloquent and I’ve frustratingly forgotten a lot of it. The words “divine feminine” are thrown around a lot, but I’d be hard-pressed to name any one entity as embodying the “divine masculine”. I think Samael fits this well; energy firmly rooted in “masculinity” and all that entails association-wise and polarity-wise, but, to put it in the words of our zeitgeist, not “toxic masculinity”. Just an embodiment of boldness, personal strength, self-assurance, creative power, and action.
February 21, 2021 - More OOBEs
Another successful “phase” experience last night. I set the intent for it before going to sleep, and I was so zonked out I could feel my body being pulled insistently into the hypnagogic state as soon as I lay down.
A while later I woke up and turned the bedside lamp on, it gave off no light except for a few faint flickers. I noticed the wall behind my bed was covered in red wax splatters and smoke stains, and immediately started scratching the wax off with my nails. I was just overtaken by the urge to clean it immediately, despite it being the middle of the night.
I got out of bed in the dark room, feeling a little apprehensive. As I went to cross the threshold into the ensuite, I felt myself being pulled backwards (by my hair, it felt like) out of the doorway. I was startled, and a bit fearful, but no pain. I didn’t sense any presence, and nothing so far has interfered with me in a similar way in the past, so wtf. I turned while swinging a fist, in slow motion, but there was nothing to strike, so I ended up just turning and falling backwards onto my ass while giving the middle finger to the dark emptiness of the doorway. 
It occurred to me that I might be dreaming, but then I remembered I needed to clean the smoke and wax off my bedroom wall, so I became preoccupied with that once more; found some cleaning fluid and went to spray the wall down. Then went to the kitchen to find paper towel, and noticed the kitchen had two microwaves, but didn’t question it as I just had a new roommate move in.
Only once I was back and cleaning the wall in my room did it occur to me that I’d done absolutely nothing to make it so dirty, covered in red wax and candle smoke. I must be dreaming, I thought. So I figured I would try a technique; focus on what I wanted to see and try to open my bedroom door onto that scene. Didn’t work, the door only opened onto the dark hallway of my house, as always. I closed it and tried again with something similar. Again, nothing.
So as always, I questioned whether I was actually dreaming. I left my room and walked toward the front door. As I walked, I tried to push my right thumb through my left palm. It worked, gradually but without a doubt, my right thumb clearly protruding through the back of my left hand. Okay, cool. So that’s going to be my reality check from now on. And now I know I’m dreaming, I’m going to try and go to visit my person again.
I left the house via the front door. Right next to my house was something like a cinema, or an event hall. Three police officers stood at a booth outside it. I wasn’t sure if they would notice me or interfere, but they all turned my way, and one said something like, “Excuse me miss, we’re just checking everyone’s entry pass”. I handed over a handful of nothing, like an invisible ID- card-sized object, which he took from me without question, and thanked me. I still was focused on finding my person. I asked the officers, “Is the other person here yet?” and a second officer said something like, “We haven’t kept track” or “we don’t know”. I turned. Across the street was a giant bright yellow building that looked like something out of a carnival, like a big house of mirrors. I saw someone i recognised but don’t particularly care for. She was looking at me and walking over but I made no move to wave or otherwise engage her.
The second officer then said to me “He’s very tall, isn’t he?” and I turned back to him idly to say “Yeah, he is”. When I turned back to the street, a silver convertible had pulled up and parked on the curb in front of my house. My man was in it. I knew it was him. He was speaking to someone, like on a bluetooth earpiece. He said to them “Alright dude, I’ve got to go”. I was happy to see him. As I approached the car he turned toward me, his face obscured by the car door frame, but I knew it was unmistakably him by his hair and his build and his beard and his clothes. Just as I approached the car, close enough to greet him, my vision faded out and I woke up in bed. 
Then I sat up and wrote these notes. That was 12.28am.
promise me you’ll post it on the forum yourself one day!
)
I’ve been tracking my menstrual cycle for about 18 months, after coming off hormonal birth control about two years ago.
fuck.
And, I’d like to thank 
.
