Iām not sure Iām in a position to talk about who is and isnāt a peer or who is or isnāt 2nd rate, just that itās funny when people try to figure your shit out, presumably thinking they can, and then wind up fucked.
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Well I doubt one of your peers would be dumb enough. Although there was that case about a year or do ago of the one had the idea to peek in on your practice and got hella bit by a really strong glamour, I heard he was walking around in a daze, snake bit and crazy for atleast a week.
And you know youāll definitely see some of thatā¦
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Sitri, drown me then
September 8, 2023
We both know how close it was to being you, how if youād let me follow down the trail of stories and nightmares Iād have found looking, I might have run away. Itās been 8 yearsāin a couple monthsāsince then, has it been long enough do you think? Left to my own devices well before then, learning from the gods, demons, and others alike since. Am I enough of a person now? Hard enough to scare away?
You make me feel like I can walk on water, like even if I am out of my depth and even if the waves are rolling over my head Iāll be okay.
Lust may be your pleasure, but to refuse to acknowledge all other that you are would be traitorous to so much. Torture from your fingertips, pleasure from your tongue, healing from your palms and premonitions from your lips. Gifts laid down on a walk of sin, lies unwound in the depth of night, shadows brightened by torchlight in a cave. Sitri, I have yet to know more of you than this, but I am willing ride through the gates to your kingdom , to see your gleaming eyes as the stars flicker out and as the sun hides away, to feel the touch of darkness from beyond. The word you have given me, I do not yet understand, maybe Iāll find a translation someday soon.
Sitri, drown me. Well or fountain, pool or pond, it doesnāt matter.
I walk before you, Prince Sitri, and ask you to show me the secrets of your kind, reveal the depth of the Shadow, divulge the teachings of your path.
I entrust myself to you, Prince Sitri. Corrupter of souls and author of pain to the tortured, healer of the wise and poisoner of the waters they drink from. Sitri, proud leopard, winged with beauty and disguised behind sharpness, stalker of your prey, born to devastation and raised amidst flames, you are a balm in moments of discord and a fire poker in moments of calm.
What walk weāve taken before, I ask to take it again. In the first, you welcomed me to the shadow I had seen reflected back at me, yet ever out of reach. In the second, you led me to the darkness. And next, Sitri, I ask to be drown. I know what you teach, and I want to learn. Five hours of silence (alongside your other, obviously taunting request) is little token for entrance. I did not think it would be you to sit me down and ālectureā on the use of meditation and stillness, but I have been avoiding this path too long. I have less and less use for, less and less interest in, lighting candles and demanding favors, more and more interest in, more and more use for, knowing how to tamper with this world myself.
While I am grateful (let me tell you why I canāt stand how āgratefulā is spelled, it should be āgreatfulā because something is āgreatā or you have āgreatā appreciation for it, but instead itās like cheese grater, which is something that belittles and shreds, not amplifies and connotates 'greatāness) for all the gifts, the toys, the lessons, and the requests demanded, the help and kindness given, I have been desperate to learn since before I began. I thought in the beginning you would not have me as a student, or even something much more fleeting; I am happy to be proven wrong in this regard. I am happy, also, that you did not scare me off this road before I had even met my first fork in it.
So, whatever teachings you may have; whatever (nonsense, mocking) requests you may make, I will do my best to adhere. I will do my best to be worthy of this path and to light the way as I walk it. Whether in stillness or in āviolenceā (which is meant as an opposite to stillness, I donāt condone actual violence; chaos, discord also suffice for meaning), show me how to cultivate the Shadow alongside the light. I want to know how itās done. They say miracles are gone with the winds of time, but I think those stories written down were meant as inspiration.
Drown me in the depths of the darkest waters Iāve laid eyes on, drown me in the pool of unknowing, drown me in the fountain of revelation and in the well of [it means all, it means understanding, it means before, everything that (does not?) belong]. Walk me there and meet me at the waterās edge, at itās deepest point, and wait for me where it meets the horizon again. Sitri, no more running.
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Book of Bindings & Obsessions!
September 8, 2023
So I decided I want to collect some rituals of a kind together, and honestly I love handwriting, and getting to collect the notebooks and stuff, soā¦
I plan to have the obvious candidates like human to human, but also obsessions/fixations with certain things (fears, emotions, etc.) in here. Mirror rites, dolls, anything I have a ritual on currently or acquire along the way! Im excited about it.
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A magician without light - September 8, 2023
When the
light dims out, I wonder
if it was ever really there
You shone in the nightās dampness
like a torch glowing
from within the hollows of a cave
Yet now I look, and see
but a gray ghost faded by
Just another human, mortal soul
shuffling to the drums
another pied piper
has found to be his tune
Another one ā
lost to the depths of daylight
where it is neither dawn nor dusk
neither clouded over or raining,
just the sunās reflection on a white surface
-~~~ -~~~ ~~~- ~~~-
When I first saw you,
you came in full of melancholy laughter
and played a game so full of life.
Offered kindness like you had
a lake aplenty to take it from,
help like youād never been helped,
and light like youād been
the only lamp in a mansion
for years standing on end.
When you got quiet, I figured
xxxxx
When you went still, hollow silence
in your movements, I figured you
were through playing games
and chasing dancing ribbons.
When I got quiet, I wondered,
when that light had flickered
into the sunās rays on the floor.
So pale in comparison, so scattered
throughout the grounds, so void
of direction, and gone in the dark.
When you walked in like a ghost,
like sunlight, like a shadow,
I have to wonder,
Did you turn out the light?
Or was it never on in the beginning?
3 Likes
I liked this, good stuff
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not a threat, just pretty words
September 17, 2023
To the shadows crowding round,
Iām excited to meet you at the gates of hell; I am excited to lose you in the maze of the bloodshed and slaughter that came before our world; I am excited to tear your soul from you and watch it be devoured by the flames of those who walk between invisible paths and plunge blades into the wandering lost, singing merrily their creepy, drunken tunes all the while.
If you think you have met torture in your time, as human, plaything, or dream-spirit before, you have been mistaken from then on. If I catch you, your soul will burn for your trespasses again me.
Just because I walk the path of a healerās student, does not mean I am not taught how to set someone alight as well. And just because the dragon coils around me to sleep, does not mean he is not protective as well.
Watch your step, or soon youāll be falling.
wait, wait at the gates and watch as the maze grows tall around you and as those who weave in and out consume you
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Oh fuck you saidā¦ āMazeā that is so horrifying and disorienting.
Now before one of our readers has a defiant moment where they believe their intellect and abilities will save the day for themā¦ they should know that not all mazes are the same. Say you go into a maze from the north you could follow the right wall until you come out the west well or whatever later.
Butā¦ butā¦ butā¦ letās say this maze sprung up around you. You were in the center with no way to know which direction out was. Now the follow the wall trick isnāt as useful is it.
Throw in some traps, a few guards ( like monstrosities that predate the creation of the universe a) and now youāve got a party.
Well Iām not sure what pitiable fool has earned this fate @Laurel_Spider but I donāt envy them.
1 Like
Haunted Glamours
How to Let a Robot Breathe for You
September 25, 2023
Not a robot, but a programed glamour. The idea is that you give it rules to follow (like making a parasite, for example) and then it takes over and exists within those rules, even to your detriment. (Super fun when you freak out about it later on!)
I have a tendency for being reckless in regard to my craft, always have and likely always will although I think I rein it in a bit more now. These methods, or this method depending on how itās interpreted, arenāt the safest, but theyāre certainly a path to something! (This is a thinly veiled ādonāt say I didnāt tell you so.ā)
So! treacherous, eat you alive glamours:
Alright, weāre assuming everyone has a baseline understanding of what they are and how to make them. Okay, the scary way though!! & the way I learned, is not the (calm and) standard way as Iāve learned through speaking with others. Today, we discuss the scary way!
(Again, youāre gonna feel possessed and donāt come bitch at me about it, I donāt care.)
Itās not about deciding who you need or want to be. Itās about deciding who you are and sending that person into a locked cave at the very bottom of your existence. You are washing them away and making/creating something that can fit the outline you need (or want).
When you breathe in, you think about the situations youāve been in that have encouraged you to need a change. When you breath out, you line them up and spin them around yourself (clockwise Iād suggest). When youāve collected them all, see/feel them just around you at the border between āyouā and āother.ā When youāve let them pool, or their energy combine and you can sift through, consider what links these things, these times, places, experiences, moments, together. And when youāve found it (or them, there really should be more than one thing even if all boils down to a single thing - that you are āwrongā), breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in the āwrong,ā that you have been for these times and places and people, and breathe out their expectations. But be careful not to let them go, hold them closely and within the circle or border or experiences, in your space still and not outside of it.
Inside you is everything that needs to go. And outside you is everything that should be. Simultaneously is best. But to begin with one it should be whatās inside of yourself. Think of who you are. (Only of who you are.) See yourself through time, as you were and became and are. Tie weights to your feet and rope around your wrists. Tap yourself on the head and let yourself begin to vanish. Open a door, push yourself inside it, and lock it. Lock it well and wind chains around that room. That person really shouldnāt be getting out, theyāll ruin what youāre working toward.
And now, the outside. String it all together and pull it close around you. Let it keep spinning or let it pile up, it doesnāt matter. Just know the rules youāre to exist within. If āxā happens, what does it cause (whatās your reaction, āto a Tā)? Youāve pulled up both common and niche circumstances, sort through and see the patterns. Know who you are supposed to be. Bring that person into being and step into them. Of course, little alterations can be made in differing situations, but for the most part, this is the ghost youāve made and decided to wear. Itāll make the choices based on how youāve programed it.
Just donāt freak out or tell it to leave, it knows better. You made it to know better. Because you couldnāt be trusted to be the right person, but no worries, itās got your back. It always knows what to do and how to behave, after all you taught it. So have fun in the little locked closet at the end of the tunnel and just remember this was a good idea, it really, really was, and itās doing so well. They canāt even tell the difference. Can you?
Anyways, be careful out there! This is obviously not healthy and likely a poor choice. But I did say Iād elaborate, and so I have. This part is actually pretty chill in comparison to stepping out of it.
Additionally, this is like a sketch of the method(s). Not exactly the way I went about what I chose to do, but the same principles where Iāve changed out details.
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A Choice Between Two Hands
September 25, 2023
I was in ritual the other night, learning from a dear and trusted friend. And I was told that to move forward, I had things to let go of. That I couldnāt start down the path without a clean slate so to speak. And Iām conflicted about this. Because where I have been is so much of who I am. I understand letting go of things is important and matters, and I have let go of certain things. But to say that it has to be washed awayā¦how can I do that to myself? Is this magick worth that? When will it become worth that?
I feel like I was given two wild tasks and told to pick my favorite. The first is look back down the path Iāve walked, and let go of so much and the second is a pure magick task that I am trying to unravel. Iām not sure which way the easier way is, and if the easier way is the magick route then what does that say about what I should do? Or was it given as an alternative because itās easier?
My friend asked me to trace a fear, to find where Iāve been most something before, Iām not sure how to let it go. I know what type of magick Iāve knocked on the door of and I know, at least minimally, what type of path it is. But itās so different and I know that without āletting goā and starting fresh with this, Iāll never be good enough to partake of the path in any meaningful way. There is no peace in me while I hold onto the things I choose to carry, to posses. And for the demons and obsessions and manifestation, itās never mattered. But for thisā¦for this serenity is needed to walk the path a certain way.
One day, Iāll make a choice. Everyday Iāll make choices until then, past then. But today, today is today and not tomorrow. Iām content with that for now. Otherwise, how many hours of sitting like a doll in quiet, motionless meditation will it take to learn either of these things. Am I to try my hand at both? Doesnāt that show a lack of commitment? And ultimately, if I want to go anywhere real, Iāll have to learn both. Might as well try my hand at the magick again later, think on what to let go the next day. Itāll become clear, and Iāve (finally) learned patience is not an enemy on this walk.
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