Gonna watch Yellow Submarine to chill temporarily if I’m too flustered I doubt my Magick will be all that effective so hopefully the movie chills me out and mom doesn’t upset me and then I can try a petition to motivate her to go get looked at
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Changed my mind decided to watch The Survivors with Robin Williams, Walter Matthau, and Jerry Reed. One of the most underrated movies of all time. It’s fabulous but it’s a satire and not everyone wants a comedy that makes you think afterwards
Would have watched Bright Lights Big City but couldn’t find the vhs and Apple doesn’t offer it. Oh well
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So… had a bass guitar hanging around bought on a whim maybe as long ago as 2018.
I brought it upstairs a few days ago to fool around with. So about 45 mins ago maybe a bit longer or shorter I was like what the hell and looked up the tab for twilight zone by golden earring.
Then I decided to try playing along to the music after a quickie attempt without the music and found it not too hard to do the bass riff (? If that’s the word fir it on bass. On regular guitar it’s a riff if it’s a repeating catchy part unless I’m mistaken) it since it looked fairly simple.
It was simple to play it.
Except that mom kept interrupting me trying to talk to me ask me stuff (not music stuff) I wasn’t half bad.
Anyhow counting about 5 restarts after her interruptions playing it I must have played about a half hr in total well at least 20 mins.
I actually had fun playing along to the song AND I kept up with it too except where I got interrupted and lost my whatever you call it flow groove or just my timing.
Anyhow, I think I’m gonna try playing along to twilight zone some more but not tonight.
Also not counting when I noodle
away on the guitar (not bass) I haven’t had that much fun on a instrument in a long while. Go figure.
AND… now something has come up and it’s keeping me up.
Mom gets all worked up and worried at night about her hurt hip. All day she’s like no I don’t want to get it seen, now she’s like what do I do I don’t want to go I need this looked at whimpering (not from pain) and whining. Every damn night. Since like January 15th I think. I am so sick of it. She won’t go. I already know that. She’s been driving me nuts. I must have the patience of Job by now though putting up with her doing this this long (my birthday was Jan 18 and it was before that she hurt it, I’d say a week and a hang before it but I’m no longer sure exactly when she hurt it. So I’ll update again later. Maybe a miracle will happen and she will actually go get looked at. I’ve told her her dr over the phone told her and the nurse at her dr office told her to go to hospital get looked at and the nurse at her dr office told her to yet she still procrastinates. I’ll definitely let ya all know zIF she ever goes to get looked at.
That’s all for now. Good Night to ya (me I’ll just hope fir a good one am supposed to work at 10 am. If she dies go might miss it might not. If she waits til 8 am definitely will. So anyhow… laters 
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So read part of a thread I previously read and forgot so this is a spin off because I didn’t think it fit the thread (nature of reality). I could be wrong maybe it would but I didn’t want to reread all 44 answers there to find out if it would (an feeling a bit lazy on my day off which reminds me to tell you I have no updates on mom she’s still procrastinating about getting looked at).
Advisory: the below a contains long run on paragraph (and may or may not contain run on sentences) because it’s a train of thought being written as it rolls along.
So reality… If all things are made of atoms and atoms are energy then reality is energy which gave me a realization that getting struck by lightning or electrocuted is a over supply of energy and that it’s like from a biological sense a overload on a computer (to use a comparison since computers have CPU’s so do people in the form of brains instead of microchips). So it kills because the overload shorts out the circuit board (shuts it down unless cpr is done) or destroys it (k.ills it) it because there isn’t a large enough battery (storage unit) that isn’t all ready full, and contain it all. Which brings this thought, that death is caused by a disruption of the energy matrix of a being or object (though an objects death is usually considered decay or destruction of it as opposed to calling it death), stabbing or shooting would be like disruption caused by adding more energy (molecules?) then the object can store followed by a loss of energy by leakage out of the disrupted (damaged) part of a person when the energy body can’t repair itself aka return to prior condition fast enough to stop the energy leakage and dispersal. It looks like a bullet or knife went in but its extra atoms that went in that couldn’t be contained and the entry point ruptured the containment. It looks like blood leaking but it’s energy loss. At least if you look at it from the whole all things are atoms all atoms are energy science point of view in a literal sense. In which case growth would be from the slow introduction of new energy which then is routed to different areas. And… I think I like it better when we say he grew an inch instead of he added atoms to himself. Go figure hmm? On the other hand death is a harsh term fir energy leakage and dispersal not a pleasant on but far less of a mouthful to say.
Thanks for reading the rambling thought on reality relating to atoms and science theory. Hope it was good food for thought because maybe if it was you’ll figure out how that concept can be applied to the ideas of cursing and healing and magick in general (though applying the same into practice is a whole different ball game from realizing how the everything is made of energy theoretically applies to it). Theory is good but transferring it into practice is a bitch. Hope you have a better time then me putting the aforesaid theoretical concepts into practice with your magick I still haven’t managed to bridge the knowledge into practice, so before you ask , so far the knowing (UPG based on scientific theories) hasn’t helped my magick at all. Will it one day? Probably. For now though, I haven’t figured out how to apply it to my own magick yet, so it’s all just theory and thinking so far even if it makes an interesting concept to ponder.
Til next time…
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Saw Young Sheldon the other day don’t normally watch it, that episode about 0 so reminded me of when I asked why 1/0 didn’t equal 1. The only big difference between reality and the show (other then the show being about 0 not existing) is my question didn’t put the teacher into an existential dilemma. Too bad it didn’t. I think based on Young Sheldon it would have been funny if it had.
Getting ready for work. More thoughts will come… Sometime whenever. Not like Random thoughts worth writing down showing all the time; frequently yes, all the time no. Til next time… outtie.
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I was reading a thread trying to answer the questions when I realized my UPG is too difficult to put into answers on the thread asking about the nature of reality . So I’m going to post here instead since this will likely be a difficult concept to grasp. Too difficult to put as a short answer to 1 or more questions on that thread. I tried like 5 times and every time came to the conclusion it was too difficult a UPG to put as an answer there and every time it got helly long .
So warning this will be long and may be convoluted and will be difficult to grasp for some and Very Heavy in UPG and may even blow your mind (unless you are already thinking on this wavelength)…
What is consciousness and awareness and reality . Those were some big ass questions.
So I already said all matter is made of atoms and atoms are energy with high cannot be created or destroyed only change forms as a review of what science says.
So now consider what that implies. Every single thing you me the earth a comet is energy. Also science says that atoms are in constant motion with protons and neutrons and electrons moving around the nucleus (It’s been around 30 years since I took science classes in school so if I mistype that cut me some slack because the structure of a atom isn’t the point to this UPG and it’s been a long time since I studied that stuff).
The entire Universe is energy. Not only can energies not be created or destroyed they do not sleep.
So what is awareness and consciousness, I can’t really explain well BUT basically it’s an exchange of energy between atoms that results the atom in proximity or contact with another one to have access to all data the other atom had. This is misconstrued as consciousness or awareness.It’s actually a transfer of energy and everything that energy has come in contact with it’s for lack of a better way to say it it’s a transfer of its data in a 2 way direction between 1 atom’s energy matrix and another’s.
You may say but I think but I sleep so atoms must too. It’s not exactly true your body isn’t asleep nor your mind you may not be aware of it all the time but your atoms are always exchanging energy (data). It’s not exactly sleep in the sense that nothing is happening. It’s more likewhen a computer is defragmenting the disk space. You normally can’t play that online game while defragging. You are still interacting with the atoms around but your energy is focused on integrating the energy exchanges and putting it into the correct spot of the matrix (matrix because you aren’t just 1 atom you are many interconnected ones).
Now, it seems like thinking feeling being aware and sleeping but it’s constantly happening every second but it’s really an energy movement transfer reaction because matter in atoms and atoms are energy.
So now think in terms of occult abilities like forcasting a future or for seeing or out of body or any other ability. The reality of it is all is energy so the abilities are the results of energy exchange (easiest to show how it works with OOB). Your energy exists you to go elsewhere but why doesn’t this cause death or the disintegration of you? Other energy temporarily replaces the energy you existed with to go out of body. Likely it’s energy from the destination. You exchange energy data along the way and when you get there then on the way back to body then because the body is composed of a finite number of atoms when you return you displace what filled in in your absence. It takes with it a copy of the data it imprinted while in contact with your atoms.
And I leave it there and invite you to read on the theories of time being non linear to see how this works into premonition and similar abilities because applying this to that works for that and to ponder how it fits other ways and other abilities and magick but is way too complex for me to explain non linear time and the res would just make this entry longer.
Add: OOB above if you didn’t figure out from context meant out of body
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White. Why is white no longer considered white when dirty? The color hasn’t changed all it’s done is got dirt on it.
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Note contains rhetorical questions that don’t require answers just thoughts.
Popular opinion. How can they know popular opinion if they didn’t poll everyone? I know that so far this life they’ve never polled my opinion. So how do they know it’s popular if they only sample a small segment of people? So then if they only sample a few people is it really popular opinion? For all they know they could have just got lucky and polled the one neighborhood in the entire world where that opinion is popular. So what is popular opinion? Nothing.
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Ok so I got a shit issue tonight. I fuckin broke a tooth or it’s filling. I go see the dentist tomorrow but am gonna have to borrow money from mom to pay it.
Mom is all money money money so she’s very upset about having to lend money to me (when I said it might be 400 what a big filling cost me once). She started having a fit about it and being silly saying it should be free because she is 99.Here’s hoping it doesn’t need to be pulled because that would be bad. Anyways that’s tonight’s not random post in random thoughts. Sucks to be me.
I’m worried that it might need a pull because it’s a tooth that was being tried to be saved that’s almost all filling. So send best wishes vibes n cross fingers. That or make me win the lottery tonight cuz if it needs pulling will likely need a fake filler Roth thing (it’s supposed to be a very important tooth I was told couple years ago when the full to save it was done. I ain’t hit that kind of dough and mom is gonna flip out if I need to borrow 4 thousand or whatever. Do send positive vibes please.
Add: doesn’t help that post christmas hrs get cut and I’m only getting about half the hours I was. Means my money is helly tight and now this happens when I can least afford it.
So wish me luck or magick some good luck and money my way if you want my way maybe I’ll be lucky and the filling fell out and it’s an easy fix but I doubt it. Regardless it’s gonna be a whopper of a bill right when I can’t afford it.
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Update: tooth pulled
Non update on mom: no change she’s still procrastinating.
Random thought….
Is 12 a magick number? 12 tribes 12 apostles 12 days of Christmas 12 in a dozen eggs clocks with 12 numbers on the face etc. so what’s with 12 and it’s prominence?
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At first I couldn’t believe it. Then I decided to go with the flow.
I now present, for you viewing pleasure…
On the left toilet paper impersonating a cat
and on the right toilet paper pretending to have a heart.
You don’t fool me toilet paper I’m on to you
and your shenanigans 
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Well yesterday was just 1 of those days. It carried on for a bit into today and now I’m hoping it’s done.
It was full of spills & mom fell (she’s none the worse for it this time.
I work later today, so here’s hoping the spilling stuff is over.
Both us were extra clumsy I guess🤷
Random thought… why is it so hard to clean up liquids?
Oh, and I saw a big spider (size of my thumb phalanges) wondering if it means something.
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If Fortune favors the bold,
Who favors the timid?
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Maybe misfortune.
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I am feeling a bit sick tonight so random thought …
Skcus kcis gnileef :siht daer nac uoy fi soduc dna sporP
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Are you sure?
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Ya but it’s not too bad just something I ate disagreed with me. Mostly. And I meant the sporp if ya read that (not too hard to it just requires people to stop and think about what I was doing writing that. Had hives and such when I wrote that. Likely the sick feeling was allergy related (and by disagreeing with me I mean allergic wise. I ate whatever and my body complained)
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Was the first time it made my tum cramp though.
As a kid I took allergy shots to desensitize me to pollen. They don’t do that for food allergies like wheat and since it’s in almost everything I figure eventually I’ll force my body to get over it BUT I keep benedryl on hand for when the itch starts. I’m aware it’s a bit risky but unless I win a lottery and become rich most of the food I can afford has wheat based ingredients in it.
I have bought the gluten free wheat free bread before but it’s around $7 where wheat bread is like $2 to $4 so I often go fuck it I’ll eat it anyway and maybe this will be the time my body stop’s reacting idiotically to it. Everything wheat free that isn’t fruit or raw slow to cook vegetables is like twice the price of the wheat ones.
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I did those as an adult for a year before I had to quit due to school class schedule and it only being on Thursdays, in a 2 hour span.
Sorry you’re feeling poorly.
Love benadryl. Pollen’s up here, so I have to start taking more than my nightly benadryl again. My nose was bleeding the other day and my eyes look like I’m either high or drunk.
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When you come home from work you don’t want to stand a hr or 2 making a meal or waste $7 breads. A $1.00 pasta
tv dinner a slice of Kraft/black-diamond cheese and some juice is way easier when you’re tired. I’m sure you get that.
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