Personal experiences and media which spoke to me ~ video reviews, thoughts and insights

i found this lovely old man’s videos, before even touching one of his books
so my impression was probably a bit different than if it had been the other way around

in this video, he speaks about something which i would have loved to hear about in my early years (magicwise)

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dayum :rofl:



Some days ago i suddenly felt a certain familiarity
-[my] Father Yogsothoth and [my] Mother Tiamat…
but also Yogsothoth and ShubNiggurath
and Izanami and Izanagi

each of the pairs are ot the first (with possible exception of Tiamat)

Izanami and Izanagi
“she who invites”
“he who invites”

a gate and gate keeper
…so he is the one who locks in, invites and locks out

The only irritating pairing is that of Yogsothoth and Shubniggurath
-sicne (supposedly) Shubniggurath is distantly related or a mask for Inanna
problem is:

Inanna comes far, FAR below Tiamat.
~Tiamat is her ancestor.

but i suppose that would appeal to those who buy into the inconsistent and contradictory mess that is for example: the mythology around Lilith


further, more or less “random” shit:

we all know the simon necronomicon chant

spirits of the earth, remember
spirits of the sky, remember

now compare this to shinto, specifically the yamakage sect of shinto:

i wont upload the greater of the two prayers, because that one is much much longer
and tbh i only memorized the misogi prayer

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btw i just read it out loud, to test how accurate my memory has been
-felt a rush and someone came trough

(paraphrase -duh, its from memory)

her:“you are a demon”
her: “do you wish to maintain your qualities?”
me: “yes”
her: (something about all their children, demon and other are appreciated)
her: (something about how my manner of rising will cause quite a ruckus
-but that this is by design) sounds like a very efficient system :thinking:
her: (adressing me with “luv” and inviting me for a visit)
me: softly hyperventilating as a nameless something washed over me

grrr its annoying that i cant edit posts that i already made
:roll_eyes: gods, if the mods dont like me here they could just remove me

Lovecraftian/Cthulhu Mythos/Yogsothery:
1.) the primordial entity (but its implied it has also its origin)
2.) 3 entities

Personal visions:
1.) ???
2.) first comes the child, then almost at the same time appears the mother -the father is the last.
The child explores and learns and plays -the mother provides and the father makes things happen, kidn of the laborer and protector
3.) over cycles, the father will perform his service and eventually die
when this happens, the formerly very abstract and distant mother will re-absorb him
and descent into a form. she will then “embrace” the boy, which will create the new father

my comparison is
this trinity is both in Lovecraft’s mythos (And probably various pagan traditions)
as well as my own visions

and what material i channeled from a void-type sort of angel:
1.) primordial chaos
2.) the siblings, masculine and fmeinine, action and reaction, light and darkness (but that is still not doing them justice)
3.) then the third child descends, a child more like primordial chaos itsself, let call it “the younger chaos” (since “lesser” sounds derrogatory)
4.) the two initial siblings are in a eternal dance. no conflict whatsoever. (at least notamong temselves and their closes emanatiosn- things look differently on lower spheres
5.) the younger chaos, the third sibling, seeks to discrupt the works and emanations of the other two. He prevents stagnation and his? positioning is well within the design of the whole

forgot to mention, that she agreed on aiding me by removing “dirt” in my aura or something :thinking:

It’s a trust level feature of Discourse (the forum software), not us, don’t worry :wink: if you want me to edit or delete anything send me a PM

Also seems like a cool book/ritual. I think could also be written as 禊祓の 言葉 (Misogiharae no kotoba) if I am not mistaken but the meaning remains the same, “The words of ritual purification”. Who is the author, if I might ask?


Motohisa Yamakage -but im not aware of who translated it
-i could probably look it up


(old draft that i forgot to post)

Recently, i feel my humanity slipping.

As my ability to channel, kind of malkavian style
i also feel myself drifting.

the more i think about myself, the less this vessel seems able to contain me.

recently i have been slipping more often.
while im grateful for

i recognize that symbol.
its the green man.

i dont agree with him entirely.
Too abrahamic for my taste.

but he is on a good path, i would say

at least, he showed me a interesting way of laying out a temple :thinking:

im trying to not think about the trinity and the green man
~i feel a terribly deep truth approaching and i fighting to keep myself from hyper ventilating
it reminds me to when i first approached the ancient ones in 2018
but this time, this feeling is less like this enlightening madness and more like a forceful call
and i find myself too terrified as to let go of the image of myself

i am afraid.
slowly truth tries to sink its teeth into me
but im afraid -i know i cant run away forever
i know i cant hide.

but this is too much
just too big

we had enough holy men, godmen (bagwhan), gurus and wannabe-jesuses
i dont know if i can accept something this big

i dont want to be deluted or “get lost”
~but, why does it feel so true?

It feels more true than my human self.
its terrifying.

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I am feeling calmer now.
Still going through emotions, but not feeling crushed by giant truths.

That story did resonate with me.
Made me aware of pain within me and my parents.
Made me ask questions of what unpleasent things i might have to go through,
in order to not continue this cycle of shitty parents and shitty childhoods.

Seemingly, i felt my vision from months ago, validated.
As in, the child is the center -not the origin, but the center.
The mother embraces all and the father serves both child and mother.

There is something sacrificial about this.

It would be all too easy, to jsut project my issues unto those after me.
It would be almost as easy, to just try to heal my pain by overcompensating with those after me
-but i can tell oyu from experience, that it does not work especialyl if its inconsistent.

So i guess the real challenge and the “right thing to do”
fuck, i almost sound like a moral person or some shit
-would be to take the L, and to just try to heal as much as possible, before and during parenthood and being better than one’s own parents AND than one’s old self.

Still, one thing bothers me
-i feel not as human as i used to.

I miss it.
I think it is part of a detoxing/healing process.
My self will become more stable again, once it went through the process.

I will make time for the elder deities, and call them.
*i mean entities that i will treat as elders or elder siblings, since its hard to tell if they actually are older than my divinity, and i dont think it really matters.

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You know, its almost funny.
-Even with me drifting away from common sense and humanity at times,
i still do better in keeping shit “real” -compared to former friends of mine.

It saddens me to see such delusions of grandeur.
-To have spiritual legions is one thing, but to claim to have the power to have hordes of PHYSICAL slaves/servants in the physical, while living in a shitty suburban home, is just madness.

And i dont mean the kind of madness which enlightens you or sets you free.