I am feeling calmer now.
Still going through emotions, but not feeling crushed by giant truths.
That story did resonate with me.
Made me aware of pain within me and my parents.
Made me ask questions of what unpleasent things i might have to go through,
in order to not continue this cycle of shitty parents and shitty childhoods.
Seemingly, i felt my vision from months ago, validated.
As in, the child is the center -not the origin, but the center.
The mother embraces all and the father serves both child and mother.
There is something sacrificial about this.
It would be all too easy, to jsut project my issues unto those after me.
It would be almost as easy, to just try to heal my pain by overcompensating with those after me
-but i can tell oyu from experience, that it does not work especialyl if its inconsistent.
So i guess the real challenge and the “right thing to do”
fuck, i almost sound like a moral person or some shit
-would be to take the L, and to just try to heal as much as possible, before and during parenthood and being better than one’s own parents AND than one’s old self.
Still, one thing bothers me
-i feel not as human as i used to.
I miss it.
I think it is part of a detoxing/healing process.
My self will become more stable again, once it went through the process.
I will make time for the elder deities, and call them.
*i mean entities that i will treat as elders or elder siblings, since its hard to tell if they actually are older than my divinity, and i dont think it really matters.