Oh I totally relate to that bro
The rules do not apply toe because I’m special…
Love that 
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Tarot takes time to be “assimilated”. It’s like a proper entity to itself.
Most of people who are look for an oracle for pure divination are often repelled by the Tarot.
But the more you advance as a psychic/magician, the more the Tarot would come to you as one of your best friend.
There’s are THOUSANDS of way to learn it. Some scholars take a more “own dictionary” approach, some others only preach for official correspondances and meaning… Other encourage for a mix of both.
Start slowly. I promise the more you advance on your magician path, learning about numerology, symbols, planets, mythology and ofc your experiences and senses, the more the Tarot will open to you.
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Thanks for the advice.