🔑 The Skull and Key 💀

11th July
22:36

“you’ll be fine”
“I know”

I moved to a new place, as the college hostel got closed. Was this one of Lucifer’s tricks to push me out of that place (on a much bigger scale than expected, forget simply removing me, he removed a whole structure of authority and company I’d much rather avoid as well, but I do miss talking the ear off of my friends late night) or just a change that was already well on it’s way to occur. New people, new part of the city.

I’ve been in a limbo since the day I came back. I suddenly miss the comfort of home, I miss the warmth of my dogs. I guess I miss the comfort of familiarity, as I realise that I really don’t like the effort of building familiarity with new people or places at the moment. But this new place, it’s bigger. It’s more open.

“It’s expansive”

Most of the girls here are further along in their journey, some doing post graduate degrees, some are working. And when I’ve decided to expand in my career as well, I can’t think of a better setting than this that I could’ve gotten.

I had class today, and I pushed myself to go to the store to get some snacks to eat. I wasted time before I got to work instead. I went to the food court, then I went to a clothes shop. I didn’t really buy anything, but I was in an uncomfortable state of mind which really didn’t guide me regarding what it wants me to do. My body was pushing itself, wanting relief from pain which has also been a new constant. But my head, it wanted something. It has no name to it, no destination to it, but something.

I knew what was in for me this year the moment the clock striked 12 that night, on the 1st of January. I felt it in my bones, and I saw Lucifer with a smile on his face, and eyes promising me, my wishes will be fulfilled. Just let them unfold.

My lows are climbing up the hill, and I am patiently, partially desperately, waiting for myself to get past this and reach the top.

Till next time.

8 Likes

Inspiring to see you adapt and overcome.

6 Likes

it’s the only way.

4 Likes

25th July
14:40

How much of indulgence is liberation, how much of liberation involves indulgence? To free yourself from darkness, do you crawl your way out, or do you give in and give away all of yourself. To be consumed, to be alchemised, such that it simply becomes a second skin that you wear. A second skin that you occasionally shed.

I have been experiencing a new (for me) side of Lucifer. He looks the same, he talks the same. But his eyes, and his smile, they carry with them an energy which I cannot yet comprehend.

“His Infernal Majesty”, Anima calls him. She writes of him as H.I.M, and it took me some time to understand that, and especially to perceive that. My days have gotten busier, but I am myself not aware if they are getting better. I don’t know, what’s good, what’s bad. I am monotonous in my routine, and I am trying to look for a spark that brings me joy. I am not sad, I am not completely satisfied. But my limbo continues in a different severity than before.

Asmoday does his part to guide me, but I’m still unsure of what I myself want at this moment.

9 Likes

30th July, 2023
22:39

I hold in my hands, a broken heart. But the pulse of it feeds my own, and for the first time in weeks I feel myself alive again. A sign from the Norns, a rune etched on my skin with blood.

I was on a call with my mother, and I felt a sting on my hand. I looked down at it to see 2 small tiny cuts, arranged in the shape of a rune. This happened right after I asked them for a sign.

Things work in weird ways. I expected an answer from one, but it was given to me by someone else instead.

Just wanted to document this. Nothing too special going on atm.

Till next time.

4 Likes

the most amazing thing I have experienced from spirit is their gentleness and their encouragement.

I just went through an intense period of shadow work, but it wasn’t rough as it usually is. It was gentle, so gentle and slow, but still equally impactful.

I think I’m (hopefully) reaching the end of it. It hurts, but it’s all well and good.

5 Likes

When your body perishes,
Do your prayers disappear too
?”

Been busy with college and doing some introspective work, along with catching up to some shows I love.

3 Likes

this is probably my 100th attempt to write this. everytime I try to write something, I go blank. anyways, here I go.

I have found 3 people in my life who are very dear to me. Especially one of them. They’re dear enough that they’ve seen me cry fully in front of them.

Lucifer, lucifer, what are you doing? What are you planning? what do you want to say?
why is it that I can see how others fit in your “greater scheme of things” but I am blind to my own.
you leave me one distinct message on new year’s and it’s to guide my whole year? why?

hopefully, when I can, I can get my answers from you.

I have been seeing extremely weird synchronicities. I see them related to other people, but not myself. If the “thing” is beyond a glass wall, and the people on the other side of it, I feel like I am the glass wall, which is a very weird thing to understand.

I’m managing to maintain some semblance of self care. I binge watched good omens, listened to maneskin’s new album and had an existential crisis regarding my “self”.

I had an idea for a post which seems to be reaching nowhere.

My health is a little upside down, as it has been this year, and issues with my sister persist.

Same old!

I need to find something new for myself. I might do time tracking, it might help me.

Sometimes I see my higher self sit next to me, when I’m tired. And she just looks at me, silently.

anyways, this is all I can think of for now.

till next time.

6 Likes

Man, that hit really close to home. For me, and this is perhaps just me, I felt that way the most when I was being passive and unengaged with life.

I had to look into dopamine management and trying to find ways to connect my past to my future through today. I know this is vague, but hopefully it helps. Also, I’m more than happy to assist with some healing if you would like me to!

It’s almost always easier being on the outside looking in. Haha, it can be so frustrating…

2 Likes

I found something that helps! I’ll pm it to you if you’d like. And I would appreciate the healing, please do send some my way. Thank you so much :purple_heart:

fr fr, I don’t have the patience to adopt that higher PoV rn lol

2 Likes

I’ll DM you for details!

2 Likes

12:09
17th September, 2023

I have Gaga blasting in my headphones rn. I’ve been having wayy too much energy while not having an ounce of motivation to get things done, because I have so much energy I can only keep bouncing from one corner of my room to another.

In this year, I’ve sent two spirits who were given to me to “keep” or “hold” till they found their homes. It was/is my duty to make sure they reach people who will take care of them and take them to their highest potential, and form a strong alliance with them. Thank hell for this duty, he knows my unpredictable memory makes it difficult for me to spirit keep properly. So he gave me a task that fulfills my own wishes while at the same time, get his work done. Win-win for both of us.

I have a faint idea of who this one will go to, but not fully. I know where he will find his home, but I will not start the search for it now. I must be patient and careful. It is a duty I must not fuck up.

I finally have some free time while staying equally busy. My profs are expecting more from me and it brings me joy. there is a junior who talks much, but she will know what situation me and my classmates are from. sooner or later. Her lesson is not mine to teach. Every one is humbled. The universe makes sure of it. Arrogance too, should be earned, imo. Hers is not.

I told another friend who’s essence I see withering away, to take care of himself, and that I am watching him. I really am, I know the outcome before it happens, and sometimes, I try to change it by making them aware of it. That’s where my responsibility ends. Because, I cannot hold their hand and walk them through to make better decisions. if they ask me to, 3 strikes and you’re out. I learned my lesson when I helped a friend, but she went back to where she was, even worse now.

“Love is like a brick with which you can
build a house or sink a d3D body.”

still feeling hyper
till next time!

5 Likes