Why is it so hard for me to meditate?
I seem to immediately start asking questions and being inquisitive when I try to meditate. It’s a two-edged sword: my strong analytical ability strengthens my material manifestations from my magic
But, creates a strong disconnect between my personality and my intelligence. This in turn enhanced magical abilities and senses, but inflicts a lot of emotional and psychological pain: it’s an ocean of pain.
Meditation is the cure. I need to get into a meditation routine.
Today, I timed myself and meditated for thirty seconds. Tomorrow I’ll go for forty, each day increasing by ten seconds. The increase is small so manageable to maintain and this journal will keep me accountable.
I’m dealing with anxiety that’s like cancer and i tried to do a hydra snake joint visualization ceremony to fight it. I’ll develop this ceremony every day as well. Adding color, behavior to the snake, more areas in the body they’ll go to and bite and stone with with their poison.
Today’s poison was black, red and green. it doesn’t have to change every day but on a need basis.
Forgive me, but I need sound to meditate. Concentration issues and all that. Consider something like Paleowolf - Origins. Have used it for years. I enjoy listening to it at this point, but haven’t needed it for ritual for a while.
Thank you @norse900
I’ll experiment with your suggestion.
Today I was able to do forty seconds like I planned.
It wasn’t as hard as I imagined it to be.
The snakes seem to be concentrated in my stomach area.
The first ceremony I did was on feb, 6th i did a visionary magic working for the victims in hatay area in Turkey.
Just did another ceremony for them: manipulated three pictures, two of choppers and one of a victim on a stretcher for better outcomes.
My magical poem: “ the earth shakes and my heart it break when innocents are lost.
Ones who haven’t sinned.
The earth in Turkey again firm be.
Its mouth it’ll close and venom it shall not spit.
Safe and sound the thousands whose lives were almost over are.
“
Follow up in two weeks to see if it worked: feb, 25th
Did this working yesterday as well. Just yesterday didn’t cut parts of my head and wreaked havoc on them like today.
16:10 my time
Separated my head from my body and tried other forms of visionary magic: tried creating multiple heads, making the background black the eyelids also more shadows. Then, went to delete some of the mutilated heads of myself.
Relaxed today all day. More ordered thinking.
The purpose of this working is to get out of my head and stop my anxiety.
I’m having a headache that’s beginning to stop when drank highly carbonated plain water soda.
7:20
another anti anxiety working:
Imagined my heart of stone surrounded by eight four petaled clovers. Sand was running through the heart and destroying it.
The heart of stone destroyed by sand its peer until it disappears. It takes all power from itself and dies and stops crying and my tormenting by repetitive futile thoughts.
Manipulated a picture of the left side of my chest on my phone and apparently feel better. Will update with progress today and later in the week
Did one minute and twenty seconds of meditation tomorrow one minute and thirty seconds
7:45
Got into another period of intense calm and happiness will log how long it lasts
doing a abundance working on myself: imagining gold silver rubies diamonds on me an a crown on my head and dressed in regal robes.
Feel important and good.
Check results money, reputation and charisma in a week on February,22 9:00
8:00
Did a working for sunshine and a warm day after having a freezing morning and heavy storm clouds
Check results Today at 13:00 19% success. Sun came out, easy clouds but only 59degrees
My anti anxiety working is basically has intermittent success. Peak of anxiety before bed, low of anxiety at 16:00 to 17:45