Chaotic visions

Journals & Groups
1

(the following is what came to my mind, captivating it and distracting me from writing my introduction which will follow shortly after)

imagine the following:
-its a scientific base in the frozen south
-something like a meteor falls from the sky
-most people are unaware of it until its already too late
-it crases into the buldings, scattering them and the fleshy bits and pieces of a good chunk (lol) of the people into all directions
-from the crater, a hulking penguine emerges, humanoid, wearing a xmas hat, more buff than any man alive today
-he lifts his arm and points into the crowd of survivors, and a horde of penguine warriors follow his silent command
-Cuervo/the protagonist returns from a supply trip with a snowmobile, wittnessing the carnage
seeing friends collegues and delivery service staff getting torn to shreds, the massive birds playfully biting at their victims as they tear them apart while still living
-C rushes forward in a blidn rage, grabbing a axe and fighting his way towards the big guy
-the hulking shape of the penguine overlord, moves slightly as he notices his foe approaching
-what ensues is a glorious battle of frists, blades, crude steel tools and a shotguns

(why cant i post links? wtf)
https(double dot)//youtu(dot)be/4b5JsrQa-Ng

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I’m assuming I would win that fight!!

Anyway, waiting for your intro, mate

Is because is your first post. As you post more, more features unlock. Is to protect the forum from spam.

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The addy is wrong? YouTube has the whole word so try entering 4b5JsrQa-Ng in search at YouTube .com then chose the vid you meant click it and cut and paste the addy into your post I’d do it for you but it generated a multi video result and I got no clue which you intended bro so sorry I can’t be more help but try what I just suggested k?

Add: links work for me I posted a music link on the music what are you listening to thread. I usually cut and paste the addy so I know that should work as it does for me.

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4

Cleaning a staircase felt never so epic.
While listening to some videos from luetin09, i unintentionally reached out to a current,
and saw my form shift into one of shoulder long gold-blond hair, pale skin, gold-ish reptillian eyes and a dress and body that were flowing into one another seemlessly, like a vague fleshy yet luxurious memory of clothing.
gold and red fabric clad me. I appeared positively royal, so much i could gather from that shifting shape.

The appearance was brief and vibrant, like a silent reminder, that this (mundane labor) was not the extend of what i was meant for.

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5

it might be a bit to “mundane” for more experience people on this platform, but i want to talk about how gods appeared to me, since i left a certain cult’s current.

and im talking true gods here, people who -if you dont fuck yourself up, will get you results quickly and guide you in a caring or at least effective manner.

These entities appeared to me in the following fashion, and keep in mind -im just some guy trying to put into human words, something that clearly is not human. Also i dont claim expertise in this field, so shush :shushing_face:

-A sun and a black hole at the same time.
-A massive abyss with a eye sort of thing in the distance, infinitely far away, infinite in size but seemingly always just inches from your face, regardless how mcuh you move
-looking them them sucks you in, but as in your view, your mind’s eyes get pulled out of your fleshly eyes and when you or a part of yourself “hits” them, you will be touched by them and its pretty freaking crazy.
-they would project humanoid figures down to me, old or freshly made godforms (which is what cultures have worshipped) basically human-interfaces or playercharacters, proxies -not necessarily masks, masks would be what you get if you approach a godform with biases or inpure or half arsed methods etc …anyway, these humanoid projections once sollidified, would then take over and comfort and guide me, while the abstraction “above” would take a step back

here some pictures to (NOT literally show you what its like but to) give you some ideas.

1.) 13:50 and 14:40

2.)

3.) a dream from…last year?
-it was my city, but also not
-everyone was a blue-ish corpse, mindlessly following their routines
-there were impossibly vast displays industrial architecture
-there were giant outofplace holes and pitfalls in the ground, street and city in general
-it felt like i was the only human in that palce, then i looked up and a aprt of me wished i had not
-i saw a eternal abyss of a “black and red, smoke and flesh and fire” for the desperate lack of more descriptive terms, such was the appearance of this was abyss. there was no sky, there was no sun and no planets, just this eye, infinitely close, infinitel far away, and mindnumbingly large.
-the “tunnel” like abyss, endless lines of “riples” within the fleshy smoke, each ripple being more vast than my entire worl,d so it felt. each ripple housing a myriad of tiny lights, representing other dreams and realities
-when i looked at it, i was beign touched, it recognized me being aware of it, and send me to another dream

tbh i cant tell if this was before or after azathoth, or more like the entity behind that name, gave me “the blood gate” which had tested my sanity as i could not unsee the blood spilling from the paper for quite a while.

(((my apologies for writing such a incoherent mess, but i guess i also cant take the blame for it -after all: “chaotic visions” doesnt really make promises of safety and sanity, now does it?)))

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6

Remembering that dream, fills my head with music

about 01:20

“moon child”
idk why, but in my teens -before i got into magic,i sometimes described myself as a “bastard child of the sun and moon” -at day i was abused, yet i was barely able to enjoy the night. i owuld spend plenty oftime listening to vampire-subliminals and wander the empty streets, walking in the middle of roads and across train and tram tracks, getting a taste of freedom.

on the subject of silent hill -i absolutely love it. genuinely.
I think, to become a true whole being, i must also develop aspects and realms of suffering, terror and stagnation. They would be a inbetween realm, between the violent and vampiric aspects and the harmonizing nature aspects.

-the violent aspects cut into pieces
-the vmapiric aspects transform and digest
-the nature aspects harmonize and redistribute.

we are spiritual organisms

btw i love these things: handhelf emulators its basically a playstation 1 in gameboy advance format

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months ago, i saw this for the first time.

it reignited something i had forgotten with the weight of burnout and mundanity
-i genuinely love these hell-vibes im getting from that place.

back then satan appeared, showing me visionts of a place made of flesh (even the plants) fire thorns and rust -we were skinless hounds, howlinh and hunting. we were free, we were happpy, we were fulfilled. but i felt, that this was his realm, not my own domain.

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memory from last year:

-i went mad for a bit, dizzy, drifting
-it was no ritual, nothing was prepared, at least to my knowledge
-i lied down, silently
-my bed and environment shifted
-i was positioned upon a ancient bank, with engravings, carvings, padding and materials reeking of luxury
-the bank was a pavillion in the middle of a desert
-the sand even was blown into my room “irl”
-the sky, the entirety of the sky was the face of a woman
reminding me to that primordial egyptian goddess of night

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9

mmmmm’nyesss :drooling_face:
that intro slaps <3

it makes me envision a scenery like this:
-a ampitheater looking place
-over 50 throats of various cattle bleeding at the same time
-ecstatic cries to call the mother
-great fires burning
-heaps of incense smoking
-everyone goes mad and co-creates this glorious moment

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(timestamped) 10. Come Mother, Come! -----------------------------------------------[31:17]

especially in the later part, it makes me envision a “infernal” variation of the arabic celebrations,
where everyone is blasting into the sky with their kalashnikovs, while a mass of onlookers bears wittness to the noise and the sight of the tracer rounds

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11

At tuesday and wednesday this week, i saw variosu things at work.
~At tuesday i stayed until almost midnight, while at wednesday i left at 01:43-45 (and yes AM)

in both instances i saw my former self, or my shadow or …whatever
it was me, but it appeared to me, in a disgustingly corrupted form, smiling obscenely wide
appearing almost as vibrant as physical entities
getting many times, closer and closer to my face

i also saw occaisonal shadow people, and spirits who asked me to not close the doors to the meeting rooms i had to clean -so, as a compromise, i drew a inverted pentagram and a pertho rune in the center, turning the space of the physicla door into a portal, breathing life into that temporary construct.

afterwards entities appeared left and right.
many were playful, just eating, dancing partying, talking -or doing whacky things ,like having fun racing around in weird carts of some sort.

I also saw globs of sentient flesh with many limbs and eyes, dragging themselves across the floor, spreading blood and corruption everywhere

bakc to the other me.
he wanted me to embrace him again, saying im merely a remnant and placeholder consciousness
and shouldnt be afraid of returning to him, to myself.

I was feeling dread through, nothing about this entity gave me comforting vibs
and the predatory feeling and the perpetual smile and the piercing eyes did nothing to calm me down.

i tried chanting, to eat hostiles and parasites -trunign them into clean fuel
that didnt make everyone disappear, especially the other me
… which could imply that he was not hostile, just dreaful in appearance
( ihave this test, that if entities die or suffer, if i recite the words to blindly and automatically aim at only hostile entities, then they deserved it. any neutral or allied entity wont be harmed)

i then recited praise to my vampiric aspects, which seemingly over time, made the other me appear less often

today though?

after i tried something new, and felt so refreshed afterwards
despit e having eaten barely anything and despite having been workign for a week,
i felt as if it was the beginning of a monday’s shift. well rested.

when i came to work today, the other me appeared -seemingly pleased, and he didnt jsut walk away -well ,he did try to scare me a couple of times prior, but when he left, it seemed he gladly dissipated into somewhere else

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12

reaching for the void and my vampiric self after such long time, makes me feel lighter
and i approach a departue from the “enlightened emptiness” i had felt for months.

i also take plenty of supplements -zink makes me more aggresive, maybe because i take too much or because of testosterone, or both.

earlier i came, but i know that with my new methods, i will be able to recover and surpass the state i was in yesterday, very soon. much less nofap required.

i do have personal ambitions, but listening to this once more, makes me remember the times i was lured, invited and urged by the shaytan and tiamat, to build a infernal order.

praised be Wotan, the more primordial lustful and rage- and vengeful predecessor of Odin
praised be the Mother, whos ancient maw desires the blood of the children which defiled her
praised be the Antithesis to the false faiths, created them selves

SILIM MADU TIAMAT
SILIM MADU SUMMUN MUMMU TIAMAT
EE-AH EE-AH TIAMAT
EE-AH EE-AH BAHIA TIAMAT (bahia is a word i channeled in 2020, supposedly it means “beloved”)
YAH EE-AH TIAMAT

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13

Album name: Nights of Azure Original Sound Version (2016)
Song name: The Blue Altar

comfy.
i envision a pavillion of spotless white, standing still on a piece of rock,
this rock has some berry bushes growing on it
the cock is floating around in a LSD-messy oil painting of endlessly intermixing colors, like a organic fleshy rainbow

two lovers, stroke and comfort each other
endless intimacy in a vast void of colors

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so comforting
a hypnotic loop
makes me imagine myself wearing a collared shirt, kept in the colors red(mostly) white and black, covered in many eyes
i read from a leatherbound book, a story about beelzebub
the child ,maybe my own
seems calmed by the tale
the child has grown up with wide open spirit sight
and is often coming home from the village’s school, holding the hand of one of the demons who watch over it
fuck that is beautiful
not gonna lie, im fighting back tears
it just
feels right

it does not feel pagan, and not as “Bright” as norse, just calm
a big, a good dash of hell but… like a little demon’s lullaby

i envision a village, not connected to anything with massive streets. all streets are there for people, bicycles, carriages and rikshas, trade and transport happens throught the rail network

lots of forest

every child and their grandmother, know about sorcery.
everyone is blood bond to the great infernal ancestor
and the place and its trees, are filled with whispers

everyone has spirit sight completely and permanently opened
every child has spirit pets/familiars along their physical companions

young voices eagerly sharing their dreams and the insights they gained from it

during weddings, set at dusk, many laternas - all attending women and girls knot flowers and whisper incantations, the men and boys prove their bravery by cutting themselves, and all vowing to protect the new life growing inside thier midst, focusing on the little rascal, bulging the belly of the bride.

fuck i want to cry.
damn those visions.
damn those places.
they feel like home
they might as well be home

there is no church, but there are libraries with clocktowers, and various temples (separated) , shrines, gates and ancestral houses

this feeling, i have missed it
its been so long since i felt it.

i think i get it now, the light is necessary but its not where i belong.

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i see girls writing jokes and curses using the malachim script
i see the signs for shops and the common writing being in theban
i see cyrillic signs above runic enscryptions for official matters

the sorcerors formed families, dynasties and these noble houses control aggrar culture, library and temple networks as well as humanitatarian aid, some even are in control of the post offices and banking system, others are into the rail network and interface with outsiders well

politicians as we know them dont exist, merely officials who are not elected but supposed to fulfill practical managment roles, as in a job like any other -but the loose federation of ruling families is who actually runs the show

curious forms i see at the cemetaries, the stones shaped, arranged, carved and engraved with all kinds of curious magic and symbolic phrases, posing as great insights but mostly joking at the cost of the still living. some have winged 6 limbed 4 legged creatures on their headstones, who will answers questiosn and give council as you plrace a rose to the dead and soem offergins to their guardian and intermediary spirit

i see children scrying into the polished black marble, asking their late grandfather for guidance on matters and talking about their schoolmates. a elderly face with infinite patients watches them with a calm smile

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currency, is made of handmade, enchanted papyrus sheets, covered in various fonts and glyphs, some of which are made of thinnes layers of actual gold

i see a streetvendor, offering tea, charms, trinkets and readings
gazing into a gold or brass coloured coin, a little gem sits in its center
loosing her eyes into the little thing, a spirit tells her of incoming bad weather, she apologizes to onlookers and wouldbecustomers and packs up her things, as the wind starts to take hold

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18

its like our world but… magical, the spiritual not clearly separated
and a bit infernal
and there is a certain “knowing”
idk
it just feels right
i see a group of men returnign from hunting
their wives wait in long traditional dresses
some kiss their lovers
others lick the blood of the prey, directly off their faces
i keep trying to see new angles to the realm im seeing
or to find a word for it that makes sense
but all im getting is HOME
over and over

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19

signs that aligned:

(rapists, lust, revenge)

(silly past and false praise and power)

(return to darkness, and redeeming myself)

the last one i was drawn to, after i cursed her most recent rapist weeks ago.
But now its time to clean up the entire family.

It feels like purification on my part, yet i also get to embrace my dark side again.

i mean seriously:

Walking
Waiting
Alone without a care
Hoping
And hating
Things that I can’t bear
Did you think it’s cool
To walk right up
To take my life
And fuck it up
Well did you?
Well did you?
I see hell in your eyes
Taken in by surprise(surprise)
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside
Walking, Waiting
Alone without a care
Hoping
And hating
Things that I can’t bear
Did you think it’s cool
To walk right up
To take my life
And fuck it up
Well did you?
I hate you!
I see hell in your eyes
Taken in by surprise
And touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside
I’ve slept so long without you
It’s tearing me apart too
How’d it get this far
Playing games with this old heart
I’ve killed a million petty souls
But I couldn’t kill you
I’ve slept so long without you
I see hell in your eyes
Taken in by surprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside

That is a bit on the nose, to be honest.
But it fits. I embrace death and my fangs once more, but also break through the false apathy, as i curse for someone other than myself. Only this time i dont rely purely on foreign power to do so. The cult and betrayal are long past at this point.

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probably another sign, but one i didnt mention weeks ago:

during the cleaning of a building, i found a cd-case in the trash
-it was missing the cd, which is even more fitting if you hear about the theme of the songs:

“a dead letter is a letter that has never been delivered because the person to whom it was written cannot be found and it also cannot be returned to the person who wrote it”

i mean… d u d e again, fate or spirits being a bit too on the nose

or how about the omnious list of songs on the back:

d e a d l e t t e r s
1.) first day of my life
2.) in the shadows
3.) still standing
4.) in my life
5.) time to burn
6.) guilty
7.) not like other girls
8.) the one i love
9.) back in the picture
10.) funeral song

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considering what curses i throw around, how i caused misscarriage, and how one year later (after he did what he did) a certain rapist died and what has yet to happen, very fitting

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